I Have Some Breaking News

I blogged. LondonSmith.com/Blog

New Blog

Kinda negative, but still good. LondonSmith.com/Blog

New Blog

LondonSmith.com/Blog

New Blog

LondonSmith.com/Blog

Thar She Blows

LondonSmith.com/Blog

They Both Hold Me Back

(My desire to dance is severely hampered due to pews)

This blog isn't as happy

LondonSmith.com/Blog

I forgot to mention

LondonSmith.com/Blog

I Blogged Again

SURPRISE!

LondonSmith.com/Blog

A New Friend-Making Approach

LondonSmith.com/Blog

Lookie There!

LondonSmith.com/Blog

New Blog

LondonSmith.com/Blog. Just thought you should know.

Guess What?

LondonSmith.com/Blog has a new post up. It's not always updated quite as frequently as my vlog, but it's still worth checkin' once a week!

I Put Up A New Blog

www.LondonSmith.com/Blog

Just thought you'd care to know.

LondonSmith.com/blog

Go to my website, but instead of a "v", put a "b" in the URL, so it'll spell LondonSmith.com/BLOG (instead of LondonSmith.com/VLOG, which is what you are redirected to). I just posted something a lil' more in-depth than my vlogs.

LondonSmith.com

My website is now a-go. There are a few lil' things I wanna mess with, but those should be fixed shortly, since D. Andrew is helping me out with all the knick-knacks of computing. I'll keep trying to churn up vlogs (video blogs) frequently, so it should be worth visiting a few times a week.

For those of you who like to hear from the deeper side of me, I still have to let out my thoughts through writing, and there is slightly more private stuff that I don't want everyone to see. But you are the privileged few.

When you type in LondonSmith.com, it will take you to LondonSmith.com/vlog. Change the "vlog" to "blog" (i.e. LondonSmith.com/blog) and you'll find my past blogs and the ones I'll continue to write.

WWW.LONDONSMITH.COM

Blogs, vlogs, and maybe a few other things have been moved to www.londonsmith.com, but it's still under construction, so here's something fun for ya.

A Courteous Reply

Room and Roomy

So, a lot of people around here are interested in my blogs. It's weird. So I'm giving them the YouTube reference, rather than the Blogger one, 'cause sometimes I get royally cheesed off, and this blog is where I vent. If I have any rather personal junk not to be shared with the world, then I'll write it here. Sound good?

Dr. Scholl's and First Day of Classes

Yes, I will slowly be solving the mystery of whether or not my roommate, Clark Scholz, whose dad is a doctor, is the son of Dr. Scholl's.

Also, God is gonna have me write sermon/message type stuff on "attitude" and "back to the basics: love God, love people".

Lastly, does anyone know where I can look to see if someone will pay me to write blogs for their website? My brother told me that there are opportunities for it. I'm a big fan of opportunities.

Become All Things to All Men

Here's a written version of the video. The written part might make more sense.

1Cr 9:19 "Though I am free and belong to no man, I make myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible."
1Cr 9:22b-23 "I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some. I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings."

God has been pointing out this verse to me. It's all about being a well-rounded and relatable person. Paul talks about all the different people he has to interact with: poor, Jewish, lawless, etc. He becomes whatever they are, in order to be able to share with them the gospel of Christ. If you've never played a video game in your life, how will you be able to talk to a total nerd about God? If you've never played a sport in all your years, how will you talk in relatable terms with an athlete? If you never listen to rap, how can you relate to someone who adores that genre? AND IF YOU NEVER BLOG, SHOULDN'T YOU AT LEAST READ SOME??? (that last part was for Michelle)

To be able to lead as many as possible to Christ, we need to be approachable on the level of those we encounter. So at least dabble in a lil' of everything so you can have an understanding with all those around you. Paul's reasons are to: lead people to Christ, and share in the blessing of the gospel. I'd like a share of that blessing. Wouldn't you?

First Day at College

Well, college is certainly a new thing. I was friends with a bunch of Orientation people that I met during my visit in the spring, so I didn't feel completely out of it. I had decided that I didn't like JBU until the Big Game tonight, where they divided the freshmen into teams and we all competed to...umm...win. My team got last place (I was purple), not that I care, but it was fun, 'cause I got to show off my face-making skills.

My dorm roommate is Clark Scholz, son of Dr. Scholz. He hasn't slept in in a long time 'cause he's a farmer, so he aims for 6:30 in the morning for waking up. We get along great, so I'm looking forward to this year.

Here's the rap video our family made while at Beaver Lake. My oldest brother, Chas, is the one doing the dirty dancing. Enjoy!

Practical Application

I was just standing there. Just standing, holding for dear life to the "DANGER: Do not dive or jump" sign which, according to the locals, is the marker for the best cliff-jumping spot in that area. "10, 9, 8..." I hear from below... But when the count reached zero, I still hadn't made a move. I know it won't kill me. I'm not even the first to do it. I've seen other people do it, and how glad they are that they did it... But still, to jump off the edge into that deep blue below... Butterflies bellydance in my tum-tum just thinking about it. The boat full of people below go silent for a moment, and I have time to pray. "God, do you want me to do this?". "Well DUH!" seems to be the immediate reply. This time, I begin the countdown, "10, 9, 8..." and at zero, butterflies fly through my belly, around my throat, then back down, and then I realize that I'm still on my way to that deep blue. This is taking so long! I'm still anticipating. Butterflies have begun dancing in my toes, but are immediately stamped down as they're pounded upwards by the water below. "Poor things," I think, until I realize that a similar fate awaits me at the end of the moment. I hit the water, and am fully immersed. No regrets on my end.



Here it is, practical application of holiness. It's time for one big "YES!!!" to God, with a million implied "no"s to all the stupid things the world throws in my face.

I told my dad what God told me to tell him while I was in LA (he needs to be teaching, 'cause he studies and watches Christian preachers and junk all the time, but he doesn't pour out). And a simple apology came out after an incident involving my new sunglasses going for a dive, which was a confirmation in the realm of the little things. This family is gonna make it after all.

I move into my dorm tomorrow. And one of my dad's stock deals is supposed to go through tomorrow too. I didn't invest, but maybe I can make a few bucks off of it, being the poor college student I am.

LA then Lakehouse

I got a Macbook Pro and I love it!

I went to LA last week for the first time in seven years. Everything seemed perfect. The weather, the beach, the city life... Then you start to notice the homeless there. It's funny, 'cause Jordan and I were talking about how we could spend a summer there just surfing and enjoying everything. The only problem would be food. Well, as it happens, that's exactly what the homeless people think before they go there, and then they become homeless and people give them food. But they love the streets because it is seemingly the "dream life". Drugs are easy to get on the streets, and demonic junk is seen as a pretty incurable mental illness, and people don't wanna give up the drugs or the demons because they are comforted by them, and they don't have to do anything with the life they have.

God saw the desire of my heart and arranged it so that I got to meet the man The Soloist was based on, Nathaniel Anthony Ayers. It was incredible to meet such a talented man, and be ministering on the very streets where stories like his can be found. Dennis, Donald, Mark,

I got to see my sister step out a lot and move in the gift of discernment (sniffing demons), I prophesied a bit, and our group bonded. I learned more about being a revivalist or "anabaptist" as a 100-year-old book we found called it, by discussing it a lot with Rachel Chapman.

On the last day of the LA trip, the Spirit came upon me and we had street rappin' ministry on Hollywood Blvd, next to the Chinese Theatre and all that. So I danced in the Spirit, and the crowd doubled. I'll have the video for you in a few days. It's on the desktop, and I'll set it up when I move into my dorm. Anyway, that night a man, Ariel, got saved, and I met a homeless man who had both literally and figuratively been stabbed in the back by his wife. He offered me beer, but I respectfully declined.

Now, I'm on my family vacation. Anthony prophesied over me that what I did really would create change in my family, that it isn't a hopeless endeavor. My oldest brother is here, but, like my dad, he's hesitant to step down from his lil' pedestal and be open.

I've got a sibling who doesn't seem to have been baptized in the Spirit, or so they tell me. Talk about boring!

The Soloist

By the way, this is a picture of the guy the movie is based on; he still plays in the streets sometimes.

Thank God for friends like Jordan Wood who can tell me when crap is an attack from the enemy so I don't keep getting mad at people.

Last night, I watched The Soloist. It's about a musically gifted man with a mental disorder living on the streets of LA. What I realized part of the way through the film is that the life of this man that the movie was trying to portray is the life of many of the people I'm about to go serve on the LA missions trip. Skid Row was mentioned, among other streets and areas. There is even a chance that I could run into the men portrayed in the film. It's all real. It's not distant, 'cause it's where I'm going tomorrow.

A Few Important Tidbits.

What I LOVE to do, and never get enough chances to do, is to give hundreds of dollars' worth of stuff away to my friends who would be really blessed by it. They only get the item; I get the joy of giving.

I got to hang out with a bunch of my really good friends this past week, which I was hoping to do before college. First was at a closed-invite party at the lakehouse with Bri, Brett, Cameron, Trish, Cassie, James, and Josh Newman. I couldn't ask for a better weekend with friends.

Chad Rush has been spending the night the last few nights. He might be living here soon.


We ordered my Macbook Pro on Tuesday.

I need to pack for college

I'm looking at four panda masks and a pirate flag, deciding whether or not to take them to JBU.

After talking with both Josh and Chad, I've come to realize how jealous some people are of my gifts of the Spirit, and how I feel the same about theirs a lot. Don't get me wrong, I like wisdom, but being able to sense demonic junk sounds more fun to me sometimes. Anyway, we are the body of Christ, and we all work together. I just hope I can find some people with discernment when I go to JBU. I seem drawn to that type.

I am a revivalist.

"Is My Roommate Gellin?"

Turns out that the Romans read today was exactly what I needed. God and I are square, I think.

On a side note, I will be ordering my Macbook Pro soon, and I may give a shot at doing some video blogs. Not to get anyone too excited, but I think I'll be documenting my solving the mystery of whether my roommate, the son of Dr. Scholz, is actually the son of Dr. Scholls. "Is my roommate gellin'?"

Spertly Drrr?

I don't remember going through a spiritually dry season since, well, before The Core. Or if I did have a "season", it lasted a week or two tops. I suppose it's not that dry, considering that God does talk to me. It's just that He talks to me specifically about the future, and it feels like we haven't really just talked about life. Anyway, it might just be the whole transition from high school to college thing, but still, I'm gonna need Him working with me when we go to LA, and I don't wanna just get there and say, "Will You finally talk to me now that this guy needs a Word from You?"

Then again, I feel like He wants to talk to me now. And what better book to hear from Him than Romans?

New Things

God freed Alexandra from a spirit of fear.

God is telling me a bunch of what will happen with me and others at JBU, and in daily life before, during, and after that. I've just gotta keep in mind the fear of God thing, and be obedient.

For one thing, that book on the Holy Spirit that I used for small groups may be helping some guys out in a Bible study where we learn to work in our spiritual gifts together.

Oh, and I went shopping for dormroom stuff and clothes today. Suprise! My bed matches my eyes a lil' bit. Just sayin'

Huddle Group

The people in my huddle group gave up a lot of junk, thanks to God's work at YFN. We talked about it last night after service, and I'm terribly excited for them. They're reading their Bibles and everything, but even more exciting to me, they're being made fun of and criticized for what happened to them, and what they've given up. Some have given up rap music, and others different things, but their families are already seeing a difference. Most parents aren't fond of their experience of being drunk in the Spirit, so I told them to keep that on the down-low, and focus more on what God did to make them more like Him.

I also told them that I'll be leaving in a month. Such cruel news!

And I learned that it might be smarter to call God "The Lord" when I talk about Him, 'cause peoples' ideas of "Jesus" and "God" might be completely different (i.e. Jesus is friendly, God is distant and angry).

YFN 2009 & Those of Lil' Faith

If you wouldn't mind, I'd like to look at yesterday's issue. There's a certain guy I know who happens to thrive in a pet peeve of mine. He tends to be on the side of arrogance and negativity. It's endurable when I'm not around him, but I spent much of yesterday with him. Negativity is something I deal with by slapping positive stuff on top of the other person's comments. With arrogant people, however, they try to outdo your comment. It only makes them look worse and they don't listen to correction. It irks me no end.
I choose my friends carefully.

To recap some of Paradigm's week of YFN...

Monday, Pastor Jaycee talked about the phases the demon-possessed guy in Mark 5 went through to be "crazy". It was really good and practical.

Tuesday, Pastors Adam and Banning both spoke for the morning sessions for the leaders' stuff. Pastor Banning, the leader of the whole Jesus Culture movement, spoke on "Pressure-Free Ministry", all about how to look at yourself and how to give your youth group the courage to go after God. One great quote from him in that was "You need to stop hurrying to the inner place of anointing and take time to die in the outer court." It was in reference to us being in a journey, a process, not just jumping into a place of crazy anointing.
That night, Pastor Banning spoke on how to get a passion for God, but what I learned the most was about how his view of worship was. I always viewed it as an exchange. I go crazy during worship and give it to Him, and He pours some love on me, and I send it right back at him. But Pastor Banning focused more on how you need to sit and just feel His love, and stop trying.

Wednesday, Pastor Adam McCain spoke on fearing God. He's not just your best friend, He is the Lord God Almighty, and it's the biggest privilege to worship Him and to have His love cover us. So good.

Thursday was quite a day. Banning switched what he was speaking on from prayer to holiness. One of the references he used was the verse in the beginning of Romans saying that Jesus' power came from His holiness. To be holy is to be set apart, and the only way to do that is to say one big "YES" to God and go all in, 100%. He was just explaining this and talking about a few miracles when he just says to the crowd "If you have scoliosis, please stand up and test to see if you still have it." All of a sudden people all over the room were shouting 'cause they'd been healed. Then Banning had people pray over whoever was standing, and people with dyslexia, injuries, arthritis, and all other kinds of stuff got healed. What I really loved about the way Pastor Banning carried it out was that he was simple, and he wasn't showy at all. He just let God do it all. He wanted to put it in our minds that we can do the same stuff he's doing if we just pursue holiness and chase after God. So good! Oh, and after all this, the junior high girls from my small group all got drunk in the Spirit. I'm so proud of them!

Throughout the week, I got to see like half of my Core siblings, which was so, SO very good. I miss them terribly.

After His Heart

I went to YFN on tuesday and heard Carey Robinson speak. The next day, at Paradigm, I heard him preach the same sermon. Somehow, the message finally got to me. "What do you want?" The immediate answer that came to mind was, "To follow God's will." But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that if following God's will was my main goal, something is off. "To follow God's heart" came to mind as a more appropriate answer.

See, I get stuck in the workings of doing God's will so much that I don't make time to get to know Him. Lately, I've been feeling a lil' spiritually low on juice, and I wondered why, 'cause I know I've been reading my Word, so I should be in the clear. But then I realized that I've been munching on my Word, then poopin' it out without digesting it.

I need to go after the heart of God, to be personal and intimate with Him, rather than just doing His will.

The Impersonal God

I'm surrounded by such men and women of faith all the time that it's weird when I run into some more rational thinkers. My brothers were both at home today and we talked about some ideas in Christianity, most of which we seemed to be in a slight disagreement about. It seemed that in their opinion, God is a rather impersonal God who doesn't care about all the lil' things in life. Their example was of God just letting the world go, like winding a clock. And I imagined, for a moment, how crappy life would be if they were right.

I'm glad to live in a world where God loves to be an active participant of every facet of my life, where I can be His favorite one, and where no matter how big I can dream, He can and will bring about a bigger dream.

Children's Book

One of those things I've been putting off since sometime last year is the children's book I'm gonna write. I already wrote a rough draft, but I don't like it, and I wanna completely redo it. See, unlike my first draft, Dr. Seuss wrote most of his books in anapestic tetrameter, a poetic meter. I don't wanna sound stupid when I write, so I'm gonna try to rewrite it more professionally

Oh, and I may have nothing to do this 4th of July. I have the option of going back to the lakehouse with relatives, but I don't wanna drive that much, or deal with the visible effects of a generational curse.

Us & Angels

Here's a brief catch-up. Servolution followed Kenya. It was a missions trip to Rockwall and God spoke to me ever so clearly and He actively guided my prayers, whether out loud or to myself. I've been working the firework stand since then too, to raise money for LA (my third and final missions trip of the summer).

So, I was thinking the other day about how angels appeared to so many people in the Old Testament, and even in the New one, so I asked God why they don't come so much anymore, at least in my experience.

I liked the answer I got. See, the angels came bearing a message. "Joshua, walk around Jericho", "Lions, shut yo mouth", "Shepherds, head over to Bethlehem 'cause your favorite baby is being birthed", "Saul/Paul, what the hole are you doing persecuting me?"

How do you or I get messages from God? Through prophecy, right? See, God is choosing to honor us by using us as His messengers. The messages that could be sent through shining heavenly beings with stylish wings are being sent through you and me. God doesn't have to use angels when His children are obedient to Him and His Words.

Oh, and I forgot to mention that I did a version of my "Christianity on the Offense" sermon, except more as a testimonial for a Paradigm video we did last night. I'm hoping it'll be as good as the original idea God put in my head.

My Time In Kenya

Ah, the joys of summer. Time for a quick catch-up (not ketchup) time, a'ight? So, first I went to Kenya for two weeks. It was warmer and wetter than last year, which I thought would be a plus until I woke up in the middle of the night to "ZZZZZZZZZEEAAAAUUUWWWWW" flying by my ear. I wacked myself in the head many a time trying to get those mosquitoes, or "maussies", as Gavin Audognotti, my roommate while I was there, called them.

I preached/taught three times. The first was on "Superpowers Through Christ", where I focused on the right heart and mindset when you go about prayer and working in the supernatural. One guy came up to me later and told me that it would change his life.

I preached at our youth event on "Christianity on the Offense", where my main comparison was a soccer analogy. Unfortunately, I didn't think to repeat the analogy, so I ended up sounding a bit off. I also accidentally said, "Offensive Christianity", which confused the translator.

The only message I had completely written out and prepared was about being heard by your authority. When you write a message at three in the morning the day you're leaving, most of the words just might end up being more God than you. I taught it for sunday school, but most of the people there were teenagers, who, like me, get bored pretty easily.

Oh, I almost forgot; I'm a celebrity in Kenya. Every kid at the G.C.C. (the place that houses all the AIDS and HIV kids) and the school nearby recognized me and yelled out my name as soon as I got there.

While on safari, I ran into some punk tribesman that thought they could jump higher than me. I beat the first Masai, but then they sent out their best, and frankly, I didn't wanna embarrass them with my skills.

If you wanna hear more, I'm making another scrapbook-type thing with Publisher, and that will have whatever journal entries I had time to do.

Back From Keny

One of the greatest new things I learned while in Kenya was about the life cycle of the hippo. Their whole lives are just swimming and eating. They die because they're too fat to get out of the water to eat more, so they die of starvation.

That's the dream.

BurfDoy

I had a great birthday, mostly spent hanging out with Jordan. Here's a tiny piece of it.



I've been typing up Kenya sermons for like an hour, trying to make them look good, but it's tough. Even though I have the lessons down alright, I haven't even thought of prime examples from my life to throw in, which is what makes it go down smooth.

"The first shall be last" is a fun justification for procrastination.

INCOMING BIRTHDAY!

Senior's Night Out is tomorrow- MY BIRTHDAY IS ON FRIDAY- One more Kenya meeting on saturday- I leave for Kenya on sunday.

God has been blessing me a bunch financially, both personally and for Kenya. I'm doing a lil' online work, and since I work cheap and fast, people like me on there.

Tonight at Paradigm, God showed me stuff to pray for during pre-service prayer, and I started getting convicted during worship, so I wrote it down, then Pastor Nick preached on it. Oh prophecy.

Oh Dreams

I haven't been updating much 'cause summer is lazy/busy...

My One and my brother are dating. Weird? Yes.

Then I had a "real" dream last night, which is where I learn what my subconscious is thinkin' about. From what I remember, Josh Newman, Pasha, Jordan, Elinor, and I were all in a van with an African guy driving. I remember wanting to tell Newman about Elinor and Preston dating, but we couldn't find a time when everyone wasn't around. Then I made a comment about it to Elinor, and she got a lil' mad.

I learned from this that I need to give my brother's new relationship to God and not think about it, find time to hang out with Newman, and go to Africa to have an African drive me around in a van.

Littler Me To Bigger

I seem to have become the person I wanted to talk to years ago. I've learned what I wanted to. Kudos to littler me for becoming bigger me.

What Went Down

Since my last post, I pulled a senior prank, graduated, spent loads of time at the lakehouse, and helped make a music video.


Well, we'd been doing annoy-a-trons (electronic thing that lets out a high-pitched noise every 2-8 minutes randomly) for a few weeks, but people were already making fun of us for having such a wuss senior prank. So our valedictorian, my One, and I (great team, right?) got the security code and broke into the school an hour before it started. We set a chicken loose in one of the bathrooms, and it freaked out one area of the building before being chased out. We also filled up one bathroom to the brim with some plastic junk from Tyler's work at Brookshire's. We also put sardines in the ceiling... On our way out, the clever valedictorian, instead of pushing the "Empty House" button on the security code thing, he pushed the "Ambulance" button. This is how we ended up with all-day detentions (although they were caught first period, and I wasn't caught till third) and a $25 fine. Now our lil' prank will be remembered.

I also graduated on friday, which was handy, 'cause I'm a huge fan of graduating from high school. I stood out a lil' bit as the only one who decorated their graduation cap, and rather extravagantly at that. I read "Oh, the Places You'll Go!" at the event, and although I was spewing stage fright left and right, everyone else seemed to think I did fine.

Saturday was the lakehouse. Many times, everything just seems to come together, but it just wasn't the right combination of people, so it stunk loads.

Sunday had a Kenya meeting with some of our core people (Danae, Angela, Spring, and I) where we all planned our messages and things, and we came to grips with what exactly we were dealing with. I worked with kids almost exclusively last time, so I didn't get an idea of what the youth there deal with. That meeting was followed by small groups, and we finished up our Holy Spirit series with Tongues. There are a LOT of different takes on that, by the way. Lauren KP, Katie, Michelle, and Renee all came over to the lakehouse that night, along with a few stragglers (the Morrises and Megan Wood), and that was a good combination of company. But it only lasted till noon the next day, which kinda dampened it.

Today, monday, after I left the lakehouse, I joined the graduation party for Jordan and Josh Newman. It was pretty hap'nin, and was followed by a music video for Nate James filmed at my house. I must admit, I'm a camera hog.

The future is too far to think of. I've got a summer to think about, and all the loads of stuff God has for me. And believe me, He has PLENTY of junk for me to do.

Senioridis?

Sorry I didn't blog this past week. It's 'cause my dad bought some sort of ab-mo-tron, and, rather than blog, I pump my guns (careful, they go off without warning).

My graduation party went well. If you weren't invited, it's 'cause I forgot to invite you. But you're totally welcome to come to my birthday this saturday at the lakehouse. At the graduation party, a bunch of people said nice things to bless me before I skidaddle of to college. Just about all of it rang true with me, and for what I've been feeling for the future.

A few more finals tomorrow and I'll be done. I kinda wanna skip school on thursday, since I have no finals. The only incentive to go is the senior prank, which we still haven't really planned out at all. But I'm letting senioridis kick in, so I don't particularly care.

Oh, it's an open invite for anyone to come to school during lunch or before graduation on friday and put something on my senior table. I put the picture of D. Andrew and Bolt (Juddson) on the table already, so load it up! I've got my own stuff too, so it's worth checkin' it out.

Older Brother

I have time on my hands. That's new. I love feeling sore, as I was reminded today.

My brother, Chas, was on the phone with my mom forever about some relationship junk. So I texted him later to ask him if he wanted to support me with my missions trip to Kenya, and he said he'd love to, and that I should call him if I ever wanted to talk about anything. This, to me, is an opening to get to know my oldest brother. He's coming home this weekend, so maybe we'll get to talk.

I just realized that I submitted a lesson for my online class completely empty of answers. How annoying.

Heart Dos Heart

Yesterday, I had my heart-to-heart with Chad Rush, during which time I learned vaguely what had kept him from being what he needed to be all this time, and his resolve to do things right. We discussed Alex Perez and Josh Rackley, and how no matter how much I wanted to help, those two would see me in the wrong light, and Chad was the one that could make a difference with them.

Directly after this, the student leaders went for an SL Fun Night at the drive-in movies. This was the first time I had ever been to a drive-in movie, so it deserves props for that. The company, mostly Megan Ferguson and Wood, was fun too. However, although we could see Wolverine and Star Trek (both of which I've heard good things about) playing nearby, we were seeing Monsters Vs. Aliens. I haven't seen a good action movie in awhile, so it stunk that I didn't get to.

If anyone wants to go see a good movie in like two weeks, I'm game. Or maybe a midnight showing the night before graduation?

Dreampt

I presented my thesis to the Board yesterday. I had quite a bit to share, so they might have gotten bored. Then again, Mrs. Horan is the only one who looked bored at all, and she always exaggerates.

Last night, I had weird dreams. One that I can remember is of me being attacked by a demon, with it covering my mouth so I couldn't make a sound, no matter how I struggled. Then I dreamed of telling Sydney Sapp this experience, and she sounded like she was used to it, and I reminded her that it's why we need Jesus.


Priscilla and I went to the Dollar Tree to get supplies for Jordan's birthday and to decorate my graduation cap (I got permission from the school). I've got doubloons and dollar signs to glue to the top. I also have some lil' green dangly things to tie onto my honors tassles, but I dunno if they'll allow that. We'll find out in two weeks, won't we?

8-Month Paper In 8 Hours

Sorry about the lack of update. I was asleep for all of yesterday after school.

Sunday was great. I told my small group the prophecy, and we talked about why we worship and how, and they (being the sincere junior highers they are) made loud apologies for not dancing. We went overtime and didn't have time to go through every prayer request, but it was good.

That night, my internet (which had turned off just as I was about to start writing) turned on again at around ten, and I began work on my 10-12 page research paper. And yes, I completed my 8-month research paper in 8 hours. I can't promise good grades, but, in my opinion, it should make a passing grade (although I normally aim for A's, not just passing).

Today, I talked to Chad Rush on Facebook, about how God wants him to reach Alex. We got to talkin' and realized that we'd never had a heart-to-heart, so we scheduled one for this saturday afternoon. I can't wait.

Six Flags Fun!

Hiro, Jordan, Yu Jin, and I all went to Six Flags yesterday. There were no lines, so we got to go on every ride we wanted over and over. By the end, we all had horrible headaches. I also blacked out a lil' on the Titan. Also on the Titan, Jordan and I kept making different poses and faces when it took pictures. One pose we struck was liftin' our shirts up. However, Six Flags is a lil' more critical on public indecency than we had thought, as we found when a security guard pulled us aside and escorted us to the security building, and into a sauna-like room (small and wooden, but lacking in the hot rocks).

He asked us why we "did it", and I replied that we thought it'd be funny. He followed up with, "Wasn't so funny, was it?" ... I wonder if I could've kept a straight face without the long silent walk to their office. Jordan thought it was hilarious how they used the good-cop bad-cop approach on us. The picture did look really funny, and I would've been tempted to buy it on another occasion.

The Power of the Dance

The mountain is getting smaller.

On Wednesday, God spoke to me in the clearest, most forceful way He's spoken in a long time. It was in the middle of worship, and he told me to go and make rapid motions for the junior highers to jump, or move, or do something, 'cause they were all just standing there, like three rows of them. God wanted to release a freedom into the place, and since they weren't acting free in their movements, it was challenging for the freedom to manifest in the rest of them. The song ended, and I still hadn't done what God told me, but then they brought it back one more time, so I obeyed, and they still didn't move. A few laughed 'cause I looked a lil' silly running to them in the middle of worship, waving my arms around, and then running back to where I was.

I texted Shayna about it later, and we agreed that the lesson this Sunday would have to be on the power of the Dance. Since our last discussion was on prophecy, and this was a prophetic word, we figured it went with the theme enough.

A Mustard Seed...

When you see a mountain, don't lament because the mountain is so incredibly huge and unclimbable. Rejoice, because it's so incredible huge and unclimbable, and yet, your God has promised to take you over that mountain and into new lands. Thank Him ahead of time, 'cause you know that He's gonna get you there, and the only way is if He does an seemingly impossible feat in your life.

God+Me=Good

This picture is for Bekah (or, if you really like, it can also be for you!). I saw a kid at Harry Myers wearing a shirt with a cape sewn onto it, and I immediately became jealous. If she were to make a similar one for me, a green cape on a plain white tee would be wondrous.

We all do what we can to discomfort the lives of our teachers and those above us, but rarely do we have the chance to do it in a rather official way. A Senior Prank is a chance to do just that. I'm afraid I cannot spill the beans on this blog of what we're doing, besides one little peek. If you wanna know more, ask me in person (or through text, email, Facebook Chat, or all those other forms of communication).

I've been getting a lot more Word time in yesterday and today, and I'm very glad, 'cause I just had a long, LONG chat with my dad. For the first time, I learned some deep issues in his life. He needs healing. I think I'm about to get better acquainted with Pastor Brad, upon the advice of the madre.

Small groups was great tonight. I was already sore from a good workout and lawnmower hauling yesterday, so capture the fuzzy (I forgot what type of stuffed animal it was) took a lot out of me. Plus, I had only eaten sweets that day. We were all beat afterwards, so naturally, we had to settle down and talk about prophecy. We might talk about it again next week, 'cause we didn't get a chance to focus on how THEY can go about prophecying. There are practical guidelines that I would've appreciated at their age. By the way, Jillian Irons is helping lead our small group now. Talk about awesome! Maybe I'll get to know her a little bit through this.

I'm officially in charge of the youth and children's ministries on the Kenya trip. While the adults go to the pastor's conference, I'm kinda heading it up. Oh Jesus!

Hold on, I kinda feel like letting out my responsibilities real quick. I'm not frustrated, just aware. $1,200 due sunday, 10-12 page poetry paper due May 4th, book report and play report due May 8th, Health I online class done by May 8th weekend, three+ messages for Kenya, plus chores and homework in between. Feels good to let it out.

LalalaLALALALA (I sang that on key)

Sometimes, I just need a refill of God's Spirit. A fresh outpouring. I got that yesterday and today.

Thanks to my singing lessons from Megan on the way to church, I've learned that my favorite songs have become my favorites because I sing them on key. Or, as Megan informed me today, I "talk" them on key. Unfortunately, my favorites list is small, and it shows. The good thing is that I can actually tell when I'm on or off key, even if I can't always get to the key I want. (I'm saying "key" a lot, and I'm hoping it's the right word)

Six Flags on May 1st. If anyone wants to join, it's an open invite. We have our official (school approved) senior skip day, so it should be fun.

I also may have gotten both Alexandra and I free new iPod Touches. We're geniuses. And no, it wasn't from one of those pop-up ads.

This Day, And Nothin' But

In our prayer team meeting today, we had ministry time with each other. Jordan prayed for me about my ongoing school battle. I almost feel like it's a spirit of defeat or something that comes at me. Anyway, I feel a difference. A good one.

In Pre-Cal, I've slowly been moving my desk towards the far corner from Mr. Harber. He hasn't noticed yet. It allowed me to sit next to Hiro, who asks me questions about the problem we're on, then makes fun of me when I try to help. Dirty Japs.

My right nipple is bruised 'cause someone bit it. I live life on the edge.

I talked to Jason Holland about the Kenya trip (while he burned me a copy of me preaching) today, and he talked about how he didn't want most of the people to go with us that had been planning to. The group we ended up with was the group he wanted.

M-M-M-Mondays!

Mondays are normally tragically disheartening. I go to school determined to make the week a great one, then I get hit with a lot of crap to start out my day. Today was no exception, what with getting my first zero on a test grade, but I learned a little something from Ecclesiastes 4:4, and 9-12 happened to be what God was talking to me about today. Unfortunately, I wasn't very attentive to His words. Maybe He'll tell me more tonight.

I've been dreaming a lot. Probably because of these melatonin pills, but also because I love my dreams. Last night, I learned through my dreams a few things I was subconsciously thinking about my friends. Dreaming feels good. I think I'll go dream right now.

Oh, and here's an update on the Kenya trip. Two of our group who were going to be speaking a lot have dropped out, and now instead of being a substitute for speaking once, I'm going to be speaking at least three times minimum. Plus, I'm probably going to be heading up the children's ministry again, since the other lady has back problems and can't deal with Kenyan beds. $1,200 is due in a few weeks. His will, His bill.

Back On the Offensive

In my dream last night, I was at Alyssa's birthday party again, and her drunk uncle asked me the same question he had asked in real life. Who are you? He acted like he wouldn't accept a shallow answer. In actuality, I was vague. In my dream though, I was more specific,

"I'm a co-heir with Christ, the Son of God. I have within me the ability to be a legit superhero. The ability is in me to teleport, to fly. I can kill a thousand men with a bone. It is within me to lay hands on a person and see their body be healed of all illnesses. I'm a Christian."

I had forgotten about that dream until Prototype tonight. We're reading this book on being a man in the way God intended, and it's making me think of how wimpy my outlook on graduation has been. When I can't decide if having 37 more days of school is a good or bad thing, something is wrong. This attitude is a battle, and if I'm going in thinkin' of how junky my life is, then I'm losing. I found myself getting a lil' annoyed in the morning when I didn't have any intense prayer warring music. The best artists focus more on deep worship and being soft-toned, and I need to be getting mad at the devil for trying to crap up my friends and their effectiveness by giving them losing mindsets.

And God told me that He had to teach me stuff about the resurrection and junk, and now that the Easter thing is over, He's gonna start giving me fresh Words, including things for Kenya.

In Need Of Fresh

I've written like five drafts of blogs, but all of them keep looking pessimistic. I need some fresh Words.

Prom and Senior Trip

I haven't even looked at the Christian Homeschool Prom pictures yet, but I didn't have too much fun there anyway. Surprised? I was too.

The senior trip, however, was INCREDIBLE. Jordan Wood, Daniel Lewis, Preston (my brother), Victoria Blanc, Priscilla, Alexandra, my mom, Sydney, Elinor, Alyssa, and Alyssa's mom all went on a cruise. The first night, Jordan and I were careful to get together and discuss standards and pray and whatnot, 'cause we didn't wanna do anything that we'd feel guilty about later, but it turns out that that wasn't even a temptation. My brother, Preston, got a lil' tipsy that night, and was the only one to do so the whole trip. While we played Craps, he kept winning, and when I would ask him to return my room key, he kept pulling out $20s and asking me how much he owed me. He later fell asleep on the top deck. Jordan and I had never been so discouraged from getting drunk in our lives. I'd be much happier to get drunk on the Spirit any day.

The next day, sun day, was a night at sea, and a formal night. We all dressed up and made friends with a photographer, who particularly liked me, 'cause I brought a cane and tophat, and he rarely gets to work with props. Beginning at midnight that night, the dance floor at the "Stripes disco" opened, and I did some fun dancing there. I also developed a fan base of a few friendly girls, who I attempted to teach a few moves to. I love my rare opportunities to dance in a tux.

Monday and Tuesday were spent in Progresso and Cozumel, Mexico. I got to have my first real body massage ($10 for a half-hour), followed by a banana-boat ride and general beach time. I also got my much-desired cowboy hat, and a nifty Mexican-style hoodie that looks too big on anyone who wears it.

Wednesday was our last day at sea. I lied to our group and told them it was a formal night (even though it was "cruise casual"), and, being the foolish believers they were, everyone dressed up. We got good pictures of the seniors, which are being scanned (since we were too cheap to pay for a $10 cd) by another family to share later. Then I hit the dance floor again, which was great fun.

The trip was great. Daniel Lewis got to talk to Sydney and Elinor a lil' more personally, and they, especially Sydney, opened up to him. Sydney was definitely a favorite on the trip. She was really balanced and knew her boundaries and stuff, but was still plenty of fun. I got to learn a lil' of why each of them stopped going to church, and even though I don't know all the details, I don't blame them. Their main problem was with judgmental people.

I also got to develop an opinion on drinking. Drinking for good taste is alright with balance, but drinking to get drunk is retarded. The Bible wasn't hiccuping when it came up with that rule.

And I do better with gambling when I'm there to have fun and make everyone else have a good time. I lose money when I think of how much I can make. I tried to include God as much as possible, but it was weird. I kept thinking I heard the Spirit telling me to do things while gambling, but I was a lil' conflicted about it, so I just copied Daniel Lewis's bets.

I got an acceptance letter from Boston University. What a surprise there! It's pretty much out of the question, being twice the cost of JBU, but I still am unsure where God is sending me. It was unexpected, for sure.

EDIT- As per request, the Facebook link to the rest of my pictures. More to come from other cameras. http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/album.php?aid=71390&id=631798935

Lessons Learned

I don't know fully why this week has been so atrocious, but I do know what God has been telling me through it all.

On monday, I got the news at school that Tyler was valedictorian and Pasha was salutatorian. Don't worry, I wasn't jealous. I knew how much they put into it. But when I went to the office to find out about my honors, they were not even sure if I would get any. It's kinda funny, 'cause up until this year my grade was over a 4.0. And now, because of one teacher, all that work was gone? That fast, everything I had put so much into had disappeared? Then I remembered my first car, the Scion xB. I didn't understand why God would let that happen, since it was totally Him who led us to it. Then I got in the car accident, and it was all gone in a flash. I remember saying that night as I watched them tow away the totaled automobile, "Just like that, it's simply gone." He gives and takes away. Just as He can stick a hundred dollars in my hand from nowhere (happened when I was like eleven), He can take away that same amount. Don't hold onto whatever work you've done as if it'll carry you. Only He will.

Another big thing was student council. My position in there was Historian. I was unelected, just selected. From what I can tell, I was supposed to advise student council based on past experience. I've mentioned before just how invisible I am in there. In fact, the only time I became visible was at the last meeting, when the sponsor yelled at me for having to leave set-up a lil' early. I was not visible when I presented the main ideas that made the school dance successful. Then Josh Newman presented the ideas for me, and they were accepted with open arms. ~~~~I'll stop complaining. I skipped the meeting this past wednesday because I had to meet with Jordan about our Connect class, and I was also not in the mood to be yelled at (having been on the point of tears that morning). They kicked me off because of that. So I was trying to puzzle out WHAT on EARTH could be learned from it, and (thanks to Pastor Benny Perez's podcast with Wendy Perez speaking) I came to realize that "A good name is more desirable than great riches" -Proverbs 22:1a. It goes along with the GPA thing too. Unlike Pasha, who focuses completely on school and not on friends much at all, and unlike Tyler, who focuses on Brookshires and his girlfriend for the most part, and unlike the student council members who actually don't show up for meetings, I've got a pretty good name. My rep is good. I'm at peace with people. So no matter what is done to my honors and positions, "A good name is more desirable than great riches."

Ode To Door

I wrote some sad, upset, and confused blogs over the last few days, 'cause the week was awfully crappy, but instead, I'd like to share a poem inspired by and written during my Pre-Calculus class. It describes my outlook whilst we Pre-Calculate.

"Ode To Door"

Oh door,
Thy gateway is to me
The only escape from the hole I see.
You are in my eyes,
The escape from all I despise.
The floor is lava, and so is my chair
But your gateway leads out of despair
Oh! If the clock would only quicken its tick!
Then, THEN I'd give such a kick
And make my glorious escape
Through that luminescent, glowing gate.
My eyes falter, perhaps deceived.
Could it truly be time to leave?
No...NO! False hope slammed from my vision!
I found myself quite far from my mission.
Should I give up? Perhaps.
'Cause against time, who can last?

My Friends Now

My friends are so good! I hope that I'll always be able to have days like today. Just sitting around at the park, occasionally flying kites, trying to make kites out of Target bags, comments about the bicyclist soul-searching in the pond, people riding the wave that is my tum-tum, etc. And the humor is so good and basic. Ah.

Thanks for the input on the prophecy. I think it might be referring to how some teachers (not just Mr. Harber, but also very trusted teachers, like Mrs. Horan) were advising me to approach something other than the medical profession, since my grades in math and science have never been exceptional.

By the way, I have $1,300 for Kenya so far, with more hopefully in the mail. I found out today (apparently not for the first time) that I'm supposed to have prepared a twenty-minute teaching for the youth on saturday, then another one to help Angela with the sunday school the next day, also for the youth.

Church of Zion

Last night, when I planned to go to the live recording of Regeneration at CFNI, I fell asleep. Luckily, I eventually woke up. After showering and watching The Office, I set off for Daniel Lewis's house, and spent the night at his pad. This morning, my mom and I left from his house to go to a prophetic conference thing in Denton. It was just kinda weird. It was like a Jewish Christian charismatic church. They taught on the power of the shofar, a horn in the Bible, and were selling cds of the shofar being blown in different ways and different feasts and stuff. And they only had verses quoted from the Old Testament, which is alright, but I like to have some balance. I tried to enjoy it, honest. But every five minutes they would talk about some shofar word in Hebrew and everyone would get up and sing in Tongues as they blew the horn, while a lady went through the isles doing a prophetic dance and waving her skirt at people to overcome them with the Spirit. All the while, the main speaker was interpreting her prophetic dance.

When it was my turn to be ministered to personally, the guy said something akin to, "All this guilt and shame from curses spoken over you will now be broken off. They don't have a hold on you. (I don't remember if he said something else here). God wants to give you a heart for your generation." -Guy with really light green eyes.

I dunno what that was referring to, but I figured that it was legit, 'cause he was right on the money when prophesying to my mom. Maybe the curses are referring to time management, or me being bad at math and science, or something else? I dunno.

What They See

I've come to realize how unappreciated my work at school is. Whether in classes or with student council, it seems that people don't see what I do. Not only that, but they see me doing little even when I'm doing a lot. I don't get it. There's probably something on that in the Bible, something to do with long-suffering and such, but still, it's a really disappointing thing. When you put most of your effort into something, and people are literally blind to it and only see your mistakes, it tends to take a toll on your opinion of the place. One example is the work I did in student council. No one remembered me being at any of the meetings, and yet it was my ideas that ended up being the highlights of the night.

God isn't like that though, and neither is Paradigm, Lakeshore, or my small group. All I get from those is encouragement. Lesson: Hang around godly people at godly places, and people will see the worth in you when others don't.

Finally Got It!

I FINALLY got my Word time in today. Unfortunately, it was a little late. Without ample Word time (more than just the daily Proverb) for more than a few days, I turn into who I used to be. I was SOOOOO very loud and obnoxious and stupid in classes today. I ended up realizing it, but the damage was done, and all I could do was shut up and bide my time till I could read my Word before Paradigm.

During the worship tonight, God brought to mind how I've been thinking almost consciously that I am going be dropping some standards when I go to college. Being at the college campus for just a weekend got my humor a lil' dirtier. I felt like I would have to lower standards to get along over there. But then Pastor Nick preached, and it totally hit home. My standards aren't defined by the people around me. I can live the righteous life He has called me to without having to "adapt" to fit in with the people around me. It seems elementary, but I was actually planning on letting things slide. I also had a good follow-up talk with Pastor Nick.

Dance Pictures

There you go.

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/album.php?aid=67861&id=631798935

Chore Credit System

Because you asked.

Poetry Dance + Weekend

The school dance was great. Then again, I don't know if I've ever been to a dance that I didn't like. Elinor was my date, and we were both pretty stylin' (photobucket.com/roysbucket is supposed to have a lot of pictures of the dance soon, but I already put some on my Facebook http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/album.php?aid=67861&id=631798935). Jake, who had fractured his skull a few days ago while longboarding, came to the dance, and despite having a bloody eye, he still held his own on the dance floor. After the dance, a group of us went to see Knowing at Firewheel. I liked it besides the ending, but everyone else hated it. From there, Taylor Curren, Priscilla, Elinor, and I all went to IHOP. When asked why we were dressed so formally, I said, "We like to make every visit to IHOP into a special occasion." I was too tired to laugh at my jokes, so I looked dead serious. And one of the guys gave Elinor a card with his number (after saying that Shia Lebouf was an alien).

I had some good quality time today with D. Andrew, Bri, Brett, Abrik, Trish, Zach Shey, Alan Jensen, and Juddson (aka "Bolt"). We flew kites and lay around in the park. Then our small group watched Undercover Kids. Some were surprised to find that I'm a legit actor.

Last, but not least, my dad introduced a credit system for the chores in our house. He gave us a full page of explanation, which my sisters laughed at, which only served to make my dad that much more intense about it. He's getting creative in trying to get Alexandra to do work for her designer jeans. If anyone requests it, I'll put up a picture of the credit system.

Praying With Faith Does Junk

So, thanks to D. Andrew's comment, I know some part of the reason why I wrote the second part of that last blog. Easter is coming. It was weird, 'cause I kinda felt like that story of Jesus was getting lame, and I could see someone preaching about it with real intensity, really bringing that picture into a perspective that people could grasp. The prophetic junk that God puts on me confuses me sometimes. Maybe this Holy Spirit book I'm reading will give me a hint on how to use it?

I was texting with a friend from school (Haley Jones) the other day, and we talked about Chad Rush a little bit. I was getting kinda negative, 'cause of what I've seen in him in the past schoolyear and longer. He has a buttload of anointing on him, but I just hadn't seen him use it at all. You can tell when someone has private time with God, 'cause they pour out whether they try or not. So yeah, I was very negative about him. But then I realized something. I pray for that guy every friggin' day. Then I came to realize about him what I realized about my One. There can't not be a change. The prayer of the righteous man avails much. God listens to my prayers. Things happen in response to them. So this morning, I prayed in faith for him like I've been doing for my One, and something incredible happened. He blew everyone away during devotions. We were talking about the verse that says that if you see something good to do, and you don't do the good deed, that's a sin. My example was if you see an old lady who needs help carrying her groceries, and you don't go to help her, you are sinning. At this point, Jordan and I would normally say something about it, Alex would give a one-sentence remark, and Chad would say something akin to, "Good verse". Alex responded by basically saying that that was too extreme of an example, that it didn't apply. Then Rush whips out with, "Why not?", and elaborates on how if you live with that high standard that you would see the good thing to do, you have the responsibility to do it. After that, Caleob said something about all of it being karma, and Chad was like, "Why would you substitute a secular copy of a Christian belief? Karma isn't Biblical." You can tell that Chad has had his private time with God.

I love to see Chad Rush showing off God.

I Got Distracted From My Homework...

I love not having to worry about finances. I love that I literally have to make up stuff for my budgeting in my Money Management class, ‘cause I cannot tell you where all my income comes in from. I love that when I pray, things happen as a direct result of it. I love that my spirit is edified when I speak in a language I don’t understand, but am able to speak at any given time. I love that I can get just as hungry for the Word as for food. I love that we aren’t limited to this existence. I love that exciting shows and cartoons with superpowers in them aren’t THAT far-fetched in the kingdom of God. I love that a person can tell me their problems, and God can tell me how to solve them. I love that I can never have the need to stop showing love in order to meet a need. I love that God talks to me. I love that I can have a dependency on a force that I can’t comprehend. I love water. I love my hands, and how I didn’t have to TRY to give good massages. My hands do the work for me. I love that I don’t need to drink or get high in order to have those experiences. Anointing has a much better high.

What was it like? Jesus died. Imagine if this God that we pray to, this almighty all-knowing glorious thing, what if all of it DIED. For three days, the Word which was made flesh was silent. For three days, the Word returned void. What if the thing that kept our earth in motion, the keeper, maker, and developer of our world was simply gone? The trust you and I have that somehow, SOME way, life would achieve stability again, it would all be gone. This HAPPENED! The disciples experienced this. The world experienced it, for three dreadful days! It was undeniable too. There were earthquakes, rocks splitting, and even people raised from the dead nearby. Life was powerfully fragmented away from Jesus. Shrapnel of it MADE THINGS HAPPEN! And this was just His death. The thousands of followers of Jesus could not possibly have understood the spiritual implications. Even the apostles, who had been told almost EXACTLY what would happen, surely could not grasp it. First the hopelessness in trying to stop their Teacher from being crucified, tortured and killed before their eyes. Then, after the powerful death of the greatest being ever to walk upon this earth, stillness. Everything was still. Life grudgingly went on, but like those allergy medicine commercials, with a strip of gray covering everything…all was quiet…until His tomb was found unoccupied. Three days after His death, much hope had disappeared. But this was unexpected. Joy flickered, but hesitantly. All of a sudden, there was that speck of hope. Then they met Him. Everyone was overjoyed! The Teacher, and, as they soon came to learn, their Savior, had returned! Thomas was skeptical, and rightly so, but once he felt the scars, he knew the truth for himself. He had risen, and now that He had defied death, He would set up His kingdom! But wait, He had a different plan. He claimed that there was one greater than He. Greater than the Teacher? In a few months, which passed by ever so quickly, Jesus flew into Heaven, just as the Spirit had flown down to Him upon His baptism.

My Weekend

If you ever wonder why I like hanging out with CFNI people, it's 'cause something as simple as an iPhone App can cause great excitement, and not for just the person using it.

I went to a white trashy birthday party last night (in Terrell). I feel so sorry for Alyssa Poteet. Everyone in her family likes to get drunk. Her uncle kept coming up to me, asking me questions and talking to me. He asked me to pull his finger, to which I declined, and then he said it was a test of trust, and I had failed. I replied that I had already lost too much trust on that trick, and he was satisfied with my wit. Then Caleob spent the night dancing, mostly by himself or with Alex. I've never seen a smaller, more pathetic dance party. All in all, it was a fun night.

"RESET BUTTON"

I was pretty dern overwhelmed and upset the last few days. This feeling usually peaks when I'm without Word time or sleep for awhile, but this seemed a lil' more serious. I made C's on my midterms. Those C's were in my classes with Mr. Harber (one of which I've already dropped). After talking to God in exasperated tones Friday morning, then sleeping for 18 hours that afternoon, I was still upset with Him. Fortunately, Alyssa K. Sortino, my Virginian friend, was on Facebook. We only get to talk once in awhile, and today I brought my troubles to the table. Lots of my grade-crapping, we discovered, is due to words said to me at the end of last semester.

"I really did do my best. I worked hours longer for your class than for any other. I even went as far as to forgo work on my senior thesis for your class, even though I should be working on that." -Me.

"Looking at your work and at the opportunities you had, you did not do your best." -Take a wild guess at which teacher.

To me, this said, "Your best was not good enough." God and I have always been a tag-team with grades. I'd do my part, and He'd make sure that the grades would always reflect my efforts. This time, my grades simply didn't. So I stopped working so hard at managing my time right. I concentrated more on church and Prototype, 'cause my efforts always show when I'm there. On friday, I got that report card and the book for my online class (which I have to finish tests and final exam for by April 15th).

Solving the root problems is a two-step process: hit the RESET button on my life by reorganizing time and priorities and such, and ignore douchy teachers.