These Afflictions Eclisped by Glory

Tuesday, I tried to wake up for Early Morning Prayer, but wasn't trying hard enough, so I just went to school, but had no electives, so it was short, and I went home and napped. At 8:30, my mom woke me up to get me to deliver a bed to the Nickels house. I was still dead tired, though, and it showed. Then we went to Wal*Mart to get some school supplies, and Mr. Harber was there too. He introduced us to his granddaughter, who's living with him due to family trouble. I also saw Chad Rush over there, and, not having the supplies I needed, we went over to Office Max, where I got some notebooks (which our school is supposed to provide, but they're funny about not buying things). That night, I got upset at God for allowing me to be so confused on whether I was hearing His voice or not, so I told Him to tell me what college to go to through a prophet or something, 'cause I was tired of all of it.
Wednesday, I got to school later than usual (like 8:00, which is early for anyone else). School flew by sluggishly, like most slimy things that were never meant to soar. I went home, had time to shower and talk to Katie for a few minutes on Facebook, then went to church. During worship, "How He Loves" was playing, and it got to the part that says "these afflictions eclipsed by glory", and I kinda accepted God's eclipse. I've got all these things I'm troubled with, but for now I need to let God eclipse it all. That night, I talked to Alyssa Sortino, whom I barely ever get to talk to anymore, even though she was pretty much my favorite intern during The Core. Since she's as random (or probably more random) than I, the conversation was definitely enjoyable. Unfortunately, it was after this conversation that I began working on homework.
Thursday (that's today), I woke up from where I had fallen asleep trying to do my work, and took off for school. In Mr. Beaumont's class, as he was talking and looking straight at me, and I at him, I started to fall asleep. My head drooped a little bit, so it turned into kind of a swing to the side. I was dead tired throughout my classes. Sydney and I exchanged compliments on perfumes and colognes. That was mighty pleasant. This afternoon, I napped.

The New Season Begins

Thursday night was just us watching movies and stuff at the lakehouse, and Friday, Newman and Jordan had to leave in the evening, so I was left to hang out with Poetry kids that I never normally hang out with for long. But I realized that they've got a whole lot of respect for me that I haven't tried to earn from them.
Saturday, I got home and sat around till like 9:00 or 10:00 PM, then started reading my book for school, and was up till 3:00 AM doing so.

Church on Sunday was alright, and I ate with some older people than usual (Caleb Fauber, Spring and Scott Rowell, Josh Lewis, and others). Then I went with my parents to Canton to help load a bed into the trailer, but it came apart really easily. I went to church after that and we filmed a few countdown videos for the media team. That night, I finished my book at 3:00 AM.

I'm gonna ramble like crazy for the next paragraph.

Today was the first day of school, which means that a spiritually fruitful season gets to begin. I wonder about it, though. My friend situation certainly worked out better than I had hoped last year. But honestly, who knows? I remember praying for a guy best friend last year, and thinking that God had sent Josh Rackley for that purpose. But, like the vast majority of friendships, I felt like I was putting way more into it than he was. College is bringing some pressure now, 'cause I need to get scholarships if God is gonna have me go to Boston. Sometimes, I wanna literally give it all to God, and let him just live my life for me. That would simplify things. I'm just getting tired of God not speaking to me clearly, making me second-guess myself. I'm don't wanna second-guess myself when I choose a college to go to. If God doesn't tell me which one, provide scholarships for it, and prepare a way, then I won't be able to follow His will and it'll be His fault. So He had better speak up soon. When my close friends get girlfriends or boyfriends, I'm ridiculously critical of it. Why? 'Cause I'm not dating yet. I get a weird feeling every time I find out about someone close having that kind of a relationship. I can't tell if it's God telling me something or if it's just an emotion or just how my body reacts to surprises. Last year, pouring out became an addiction. I almost needed to have it every day. This year, I'm supposed to have balance with all of it. I want so badly to be able to pour out all the time. It left me on a spiritual high all year long. Lately, I can't stop thinking of regrets. They won't be big things. Just stupid things I've said or done around people. I normally don't think about those things much, but it's really preoccupying my mind. Every time I think of friendships, I tend to think that I'm gonna be a loner for quite awhile. I stopped thinking it for a little bit, but I'm pretty dern sure that it's true. I'll go through phases and seasons of being right where someone else is at with God, but then I'll skip ahead of them, 'cause they'll backslide and won't listen to sense, and I'm left on my own. It ends up being just God and I. Which is fine, but iron is supposed to sharpen iron. Iron very rarely has consistently been able to sharpen iron in my life.

Back to my first day of school, which, unlike the above paragraph, wasn't frustrating in the least. First I had dual-credit English with Mr. Beaumont. Only like 1/4 of the people in it registered for the dual-credit part of it, which I found to be hilarious. It was also full of both 'tardholes and good friends, so there'll be some clashing there. Next I had Physics, which is taught by Mr. Harber. A bunch of fun guys in there (only seniors). Next I have American Government with Mrs. Williams, and she's always fun, but she's gonna try to make us keep up with the news. And by "try to make us", I mean that she's making our grades depend on it. Next I had a thing called lunch, during which time Renee, Michelle, Jordan, and I talked about our expectations for the year, then, when the monitors found us (they don't like us sitting around the corner, out of their watchful gazes), we moved and prayed with some more people just for the school and surrounding schools. It was good. Next I had Pre-Calculus, also with Mr. Harber, and he made out that the class was harder than he thought, so we're gonna have a harder time. He had persuaded me to take that class, and I'm already tempted to drop it. After that, I had Latin and Greek Roots, which, as Mr. Forey explained, is really just a vocabulary class, and our grades are based on us getting into writing groups and writing a story using all of the vocabulary words correctly. It's basically 4th grade again. For my elective, I had the American Civil War Honors class, which will apparently be mostly reading out of a friggin' huge book. And it's a two-semester class. Lastly, I taught a junior high Connect class (basically a discipleship class). It was really good. Most of the kids are really obnoxious, but they already show a lot of promise. Once I can get them to shut up, maybe God can use me to teach them about my crazy spiritual life. When I got home, I watched an episode of The Simpsons then took a nap. Priscilla called me at 10:15 PM, waking me up to pick her up from work. Later in the night, I got some breaking news about a new relationship. I'm much too biased to trust any opinion I may have, so I'll trust theirs.

Submit

Monday was spent at my dad's office from 8:00 AM-5:00 PM just reading, Facebooking, and sleeping. But mostly reading. I really wanted to hang out with people, but I also wanted to obey God, so I didn't hang out with my almost-college friends at all.
Tuesday, I went to Early Morning Prayer for the second time, to the shock and amazement of Pastors Nick and Tim. I think pretty dern clearly when I lose that much sleep. And Gavin was hilarious. Following EMP, my dad had to drive to Irving, so I drove home and read All The King's Men all day. All friggin' day. It's a good book though. The first one of Mr. Beaumont's that I've liked this much since The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin. I talked to Katie Fritz on Facebook that night, just about talking to God and how to keep from roller-coasting, and I was thankful to God for that.
The following day, my dad woke me up at like 8:30, after which I fell asleep till noon (and later confessed it to him, 'cause I wanted to stay on good terms). At two, I went over to TVCC where I registered for Dual-Credit English. I expected it to take ten minutes, but it took two hours. That was fun. On the bright side, I got a student ID out of it. I took Paco/Pasha/Russian and Jordan to church straight from there. PC spoke that night, and holy crap, he was hilarious, and talked about submitting, which had been the lesson for my life for the past week. After that, we had a lock-in, which was a wondrous thing. It began with CiCi's, where we ate some pizza, and Pastor Nick found out that I was the only one with a camera, so I was in charge of documenting the night. Katie was really tired the whole time, 'cause 'dem Williams girls need their beauty sleep more desperately than the rest of us. After CiCi's, we went to play Broomball, which was way fun. I especially enjoyed when James King would grab the ball and throw it as far as he could, 'cause he knew the best strategy to win: cheat. Following this, we went to Alley Cats, but, unfortunately, it was unreliable in its scheduling abilities, so, after spending roughly 30-60 minutes sitting in their parking lot, we left for Bowlarama, which was open, and much more inviting. The wimps fell asleep at this point, and I did some bowling, played DDR with Rachel and Sam (Sam had a very intense look in his eye). At the end of the night, at 6:00 AM, I had to say goodbye to Katie, Rachel, and Derek, who would be leaving for college on Friday. Isn't that just sad?

Renewal

Oh the joy that is my life when God is at work!

Friday, Cameron was 40 minutes late, but seeing as how the lakehouse is about relaxing, we didn't hold it against him. I still felt that overbearing feeling, so I was kinda quiet the whole time. But I went to the dock at around 1:00 AM to enjoy the pre-stormy weather, and talked to Michelle for awhile. As I talked, God showed me how I had been looking so far ahead before The Core, then after The Core, as soon as God told me to look at the present, at every opportunity, I took it to the opposite extreme, becoming a workaholic for God. It's a pretty common thing for people who get a large annointing. I poured out so much that my physical body started being affected. This wasn't healthy at all. So God showed me that I need to find a good balance.

The next day, we left the lakehouse, and I went with Cameron to his house with Trish, then we all went to Nathan and Sam's new apartment for a little party. Realizing that all the rooms were connected, Trish and I decided to run a circuit. Unfortunately, Alan Jensen and Nathan both didn't approve of it. When I got home from that fun, my dad told me that I was grounded from driving for the next week (but I could still hang out with friends and everything, but I would have to find my own ride), and I was happy, 'cause that was an answer to the prayer that I didn't wanna pray. I needed to get on my dad's good side.

Sunday, I went to all three services, since I had to ride with my dad, and Pastor Nick talked about the new Paradigm. I can't wait for it. It's gonna be good. When we split up to pray for each other, I talked with Newman, and God gave me words of Wisdom. We talked about all of the big decisions right now, and I'm just a step ahead of him, so I was a duck, and told him how to look at a lot of it. That duck dream went through my head for a lot of the conversation. That must mean that I was doing something right. After church, I went home and, realizing how much I wanted Fanta, got Alexandra's bike and rode to the gas station and back. I spent the rest of the day sleeping and reading. It was hard to get to sleep, though.

Finally

Tuesday, I don't remember what I did. I remember asking Andrew how to make a website, but that was at night. Maybe it was something I'd rather not remember. That's a safe bet.
Wednesday, I went to Paradigm earlier than I normally get to (about the time that I planned to get there every week when I tried to plan in the beginning of summer). It was pleasant. I couldn't concentrate during pre-service prayer 'cause I felt shame and junk, and I hadn't heard from God in a sure way in quite awhile. The countdown video that night was me shaving my mustache. It brought back loving memories, and I found myself imitating my own facial expressions as I watched. Worship was good, 'cause I had had to run MediaShout for the past few weeks, and this was real worship again. I just gave it all to God, which felt so good. And one of the songs had the verse, "To call you more than Lord, Glorious Friend", and I felt like I wanted God to stop being only God to me for awhile, and to be that perfect friend that I've been wanting, which no human is capable of being, as it turns out. That night, I tried a new approach with my dad, instead of the silent approach I had been using for a lil' bit. I tried being honest. But, like every approach so far, it brought me to tears. "This generation wants to be open, but keeps you at arms' length." That's from the Q&A that night at Paradigm, and it's easy for me to see why. I talked to some friends about it during (Jordan called me in the middle of it, and I was thankful to talk to him not only about my current troubles, but also about teaching the junior high Bible class thing), and after, and that definitely helps. One thing Jordan said was just that I need to not receive the guilt and condemnation that is being sent my way, 'cause it's definitely not from God.
Thursday, today, I woke up at around noon, told my dad when he called that I couldn't help him, 'cause I needed to read my book for school, and then did so for most of the day. Then I took an hour-long break to try forcing some sun into this bleached skin of mine. The plans are set for the lakehouse. I leave tomorrow at noon. I'm hoping for some sitting back and chilling (I wouldn't use the word, but it's the only word I can think of to describe my hopes and dreams at the moment).

Real Clothes

Sunday, I was early for second service, so I got to have myself a donut from church, which I'm normally to late to catch. I went to the service, then skipped third to eat with the Woods to talk about their missions trip to LA. I might have gone with my family, but they all said they were going to Applebees. But lo and behold, there they were at Luigi's. Needless to say, my check was paid for. Following this, I went home and showed and whatnot, then it was off to Victoria Daley's going-away party. That was some fun Apples to Apples, and Pastor Tim Meister and I got along well in that game. Then Katie called me and told me to go to Daniel Beilman's going-away party, which, on the downside, was in Poetry, but, on the plus side, had all my friends there. And Katie gave me a late birthday present (cologne and a lock of hair). The cologne smells like me and is French, and the lock of hair would be a creepy present for anyone but me.
The following day, my dad had asked me to be at the office at 10:00, and I, being the crappy son that I am, didn't get there till 1:00. Needless to say, my dad and I need time apart. Eight years, maybe? Anyway, I went to change the oil in his car and deposit a check for him, then I was off to the mall with my mom and Priscilla, where we visited Forever 21 (pants that fit? this was new to me), and also got some school shirts from Macy's (the Children's section), 'cause they were having a deal. Once again, my mom and I disagreed on my size, but I told her that I wouldn't wear what doesn't fit me, and I won. Following that, I went home and found that Alexandra had bet Preston $20 that he couldn't swallow a spoonful of cinnamon. When I found out, I signed up for it. That stuff is stinkin' dry. All I could do is cough up a cloud then try to spit it out before I gagged and threw up. It made me feel a lil' sick for the rest of the night. Later on, my dad yelled for Alexandra to go to bed, and she explained to me that dad likes it if he thinks that you'll obey. "OKAY DAD, I'M JUST GETTING A DRINK! But really, I'm gonna get a drink, go back to my room, then tell dad that I'm going to the bathroom, which I'll do, then I'll walk into the living room to watch tv," she explained to Preston and I. This was how we lived when we were little.

Real Life

The last few blogs were basically feelings and crap that I've dealt with in the past that come back occasionally, only this time, I gave into it more than usual. God gives me a clean slate, but still, how small is my faith if a little something like that can make me refuse God's help for an afternoon and night?
Wednesday, I'm pretty sure that I slept in till I moseyed on up and showed and junk for church. In service, God told me to find out where my brothers are at with God. There's a big one. That night, I finally had an opportunity to use the God-money I had sitting in my pocket, 'cause Michelle needed smaller bills.
Thursday, I went to school, where I found out that my GPA was a lower than I had hoped (barely over 4.0). I also found out that I could avoid taking a Jesus class if I taught one, so I'm gonna be teaching junior highers at our school on Mondays. If Pastor Nick asks me to help lead a small group, I might end up cheating and using the same lesson twice. I went to TVCC, but it was too early for me to sign up for my classes. The rest of the day was spent weed-eating and doing boring crap.
Friday, we went to the Baylor Oral Surgery place where they X-Rayed my pearly whites, and told me that I had second molars that never grew in, and never will, unless I get braces again (WHICH WON'T HAPPEN!!!!). Plus, my wisdom teeth are definitely shoving and crowing my bottom teeth a bunch. On our way back, we got in a car accident (fender bender), but it wasn't a big deal for us. It was a much bigger deal to the lady behind us, who was in shock. I went to the Sociables after that, where I talked with Evan a lil' bit, and we decided to hang out on Monday. It was a good night for the last night of that season of the Sociables. If there's one thing I've noticed about people before they leave for college, it's that they always seem to be at their prime. I love to be around the people who are about to leave. I don't know what happens, but it always seems to happen.
Saturday, I went to Lakepoint after getting a free meal from Priscilla at Joe Willy's ($$ saved), and had a nice talk with God there, then we went on to Starbucks, where Cameron met up with us. From there, we headed over to the Williams' grandparents' house, where we watched The Lion King, which would've been good, but the atmosphere simply wasn't set for it. Then we watched The Emperor's New Groove, which only Stephen and Michelle seemed to like, but they liked it enough to make up for the rest of us. Bri gave me a really good hand massage for the entirety of that movie. Cameron and I, believing that the night was still young (around midnight), went to his house to watch Minority Report (RedBox failed us for the first time, so I had to whip out my own movie). We also talked for a lil' bit, mostly about the guys moving on to a new part of their lives, and what they've been doing to prepare for it.

I'm Switching Back to Positive Thinking

'Cause I felt horrible and restless all night last night, and had retarded dreams. Don't read the post before this. I was just venting.

I Want A Stress Ball

You know what annoys me? My dad. Tonight, I decided to listen to the voice of Wisdom. As it says in Proverbs, she had been crying aloud in my ear over and over, but I ignored her, thinking that I'd rather hang out with friends than do all the crap my dad has for me. Unfortunately, none of these friends ever had a chance to hang out all week long. I went to weed-eat yesterday and today, with my dad getting mad at me the whole time for not doing it earlier in the week, or last week, or whenever he had told me. I argued with him about this for quite some time (totalling up to over an hour, at least). I told him that he doesn't recognize what I do, and only points out the bad. He says that he's tired of being Mr. Nice Guy, so he's gonna be mean. I told him that that's not Biblical. I was clever to open that can of worms. Next thing I know, he's trying to throw a Bible lesson at me about how crappy I've been not to be obeying fast, well, or thankfully enough. But one thing was different about tonight, that I hadn't tried in a long time. I took it all, shutting up throughout the whole thing. Wisdom told me to shut up or I'd get in trouble again. Wisdom knows what an idiot I can be. The words "submit", "just get through the season", and "you'll be able to answer him once school starts" came to mind. Another thing that came to mind was that I need a stress ball, and I kinda wanted a trash can there, so I could throw up.

My dad tries to use the Bible to force guilt upon me, accusing me of horrible things. Tis my life. One more horrific year.

I know what you're thinking, "Waffles would be delicious right now." Or, at least, you might've been thinking that when you started reading it. Anyway, Sunday was fine and dandy. My dad, sister, and I went to Buffalo Wild Wings (which never happens, 'cause I always go with friends, but most were in California, so I figured "why not?"). I barely listened to the conversation, though, 'cause I discovered as I sat there that I can play Texas Hold 'Em for free the entire meal. I hadn't played in forever, so I really enjoyed it. That afternoon was kinda the silence before the storm. We had a media meeting that night, and, since D. Andrew had nothing planned, we filmed the countdown video for Paradigm. It was me shaving my mustache. A lot of emotions were involved, mostly black nationalism prejudice, but when it was all said and done, my face felt blank. I'm kinda getting used to being a blank slate again, but I can't help but miss the 'stache.

Monday lacked importance. I played an online game a lil' bit, worked on college application stuff, and read my book for school (which is the only thing I should have been doing, 'cause it's so friggin' long). I watched this sermon from a guy who sounded really negative at first, but turned out to be a pretty dern convicting thing, and, while watching it, God gave me a revelation about a part of my dream. I've got a haircut appointment, so I don't have time to share it now, but when God tells me the whole deal, then I'll put it on here.

Tuesday, I woke up for early morning prayer, where I was complaining to God about having to go to school for so long while everyone else gets to move on with their lives, and He reminded me of how long Jesus had to wait till he could even do ministry. I've been doing ministry for most of my life. The only thing I have to wait on is a career, which could be considered a blessing in disguise. Then we went out to eat afterwards, then to Starbucks. All of that lasted till around noon, then I went to do yardwork for my dad at his office, which he had been yelling at me about lately. I wanna murder that friggin' weed-eater. That night, I was gonna get Starbucks with Katie ('cause we had coupons), but she couldn't go, which turned out to be just as well, 'cause later on, I saw a rainbow nearby, and went on a rainbow chase. I chased it for at least ten miles before it had retreated too far into the sky for me to catch up to. It was pretty extreme.

Ducks, Work Ends, SL Retreat, Date Night, and More

My internet was down, so this'll be painfully long to read, so just read the first sentences to find out if it's worth following through with.

On Tuesday (July 23) night, I talked with Cassie for a few hours over Facebook, 'cause she needed to talk about all of her relationship problems. Later that night, I had a dream about ducks, and the entire time, I felt like God was trying to give me a Word with it. At one point (I'm not sure whether I'm duck or human at this point), I get into a pond, and find that it's easier to go through it when another duck, who has already been in the water for awhile, joins me, and helps me to move forward. Then I feel like God wants me to write it down, so I begin to write on paper, "You are ducks", and it's directed from God towards me and others.

Wednesday didn't have anything important enough for me to exclaim about.

Thursday, I bought flowers for Date Night, then started playing Guild Wars again, which is pathetic, 'cause it's an online computer game. Once I couldn't take it anymore, I texted Cameron, and we hung out at the Harbor for hours (BORED), then went to Autumn's house to watch Across The Universe (it really makes you wanna get high).

Friday was my last day of my internship at Dr. Swanson's office, and I departed thence towards the church, where I met up with SLs for the student leader retreat. The night before, Trish, Cassie, Andrew, and others had edited the schedule to make it ridiculous (girls have girl-talk while guys wrestle for 4 1/2 hours, from 10 PM-2:30 AM). We exchanged some good stories, talked about our next levels, played capture the flag till 3:00 in the morning, which is when Anthony tore off a chunk of his leg. The next day was fun, with jet skis and whatnot, although Cassie, who had been so insistent upon us being the first out, backed out on me and went with someone else. It was all the better though, 'cause Trish is really fun to take on the jet ski, partly because she enjoys it as much as I do. I bought my first lottery ticket on the way home, and got pictures of it. Sadly, it wasn't a winning ticket.

Sunday was our Kenya reunion, where we talked about what from Kenya had the biggest effect on us. I asked Jason to give me the video of me preaching even though I thought I was crappy, and he said I was good. I still disagree. But now I have a dvd of the trip, and, since Jason liked me so much, I'm featured in it a lot.

Monday was Date Night, where I met Christian with a K again (he had been one of our dorm leaders at YFN, and is the new YFN worship leader). Michelle wouldn't talk to me much at all, so I mostly talked with Christian with a K. I barely know him, but I love the guy. I was planning on having Michelle for one of my closer school friends this year, but if she keeps acting weird, I might be stuck as a loner.

Tuesday, I went to Starbucks with Katie, where I told her about the duck dream, and she interpreted it for me. I didn't even hear her though, 'cause I could sense God's words coming out of her, and I wasn't expecting answers that quickly. I got her to tell it to me again on Wednesday, and it's basically saying that I am that duck who's had experience living out the faith in a way that works, and I need to push on all those around me who are seriously jumping into it for the first time. Anyway, after Starbucks, we parted ways, then met up at her house for some Aladdin. Little did she know (until I confessed), I have the Aladdin soundtrack in my car, and listen to it all the time, so I sang along with most every song. After her house, I grabbed Drillbit Taylor from Redbox and watched it at Cameron's house with Christian with a K. I ended up spending the night, which wasn't a problem, 'cause my dad had been in Vancouver since Sunday, and wouldn't be back till the following night. I had a very long, very deep discussion with Cameron concerning our lives, relationships, and everything else under the sun, but most of it was him talking, and me just listening, then giving what wisdom I had (which seems to be less, of late).

Wednesday, I went to Paradigm where Pastor Nick got the word "launch", which was totally for me, 'cause I hadn't been pouring out at all for the past few weeks, and it felt like I was taking steps back, even though I was trying to push forward. Pastor Nick talked about how to launch something, you have to pull it back first, then it goes farther and faster than it ever could have before. That night, I crashed, then woke up the next day at like 11:30, then headed down to Canton, where I worked until today.

Saturday, after work, I went to the Lakepoint service, which was alright, then went with Stephen, Katie, Michelle, Brett, Bri, and Meagan Ferguson to Starbucks, where we talked for awhile, then Bri, Brett, Katie, and I went on to Luigi's, where a hilarious group of people was seated behind us, and we just laughed at everything they said the whole time.