Attempts To Study

I saw some of my favorites in concert this last week. King Charles was an opener, but unfortunately was not accompanied by a full band. Still good, but not nearly on the level of what I listen to every time I go jogging. I saw The Head and the Heart last night though, and that was a wonder. Their recorded albums are so good that it was shocking how great they were live (and their coordination with the lighting as well).

It's Halloween. A little over a month before I take my big exam. This means that rather than studying for 6-10 hours per day, I need to start studying for 12+ hours every day. Such an idea is immediately hampered, however. Even as I type, the UWorld questions I use to study with won't even load. The application won't launch. This is because of the internet at our house, which is a tethered phone shared by all. And this is just the technical issue. Every day my mom unnecessarily loudly asks casual questions to anyone or everyone in the house, somehow still not realizing that I am trying to simulate testing conditions.

I realize that it is unfair to ask her to change her habits for me just because I'm studying. But she was very insistent that my desire to rent an apartment elsewhere would be a stupid waste of money when our house was available for studying. Since she is currently funding my studies, I had to give in. Dogs bark. Election talk happens (and with me being the only libtard in the house, I become anxious over this). Life on the island was an awful, awful place that I never want to relive, but it was bereft of such distractions (except for power outages and internet going out and very real depression).

So when my sister's boyfriend hanged himself the other day and she said she never wanted to see their apartment again, and I discovered that their lease wouldn't be up for two more months, I was emphatic in my desire to study there. On the other side of Dallas, away from family.

When Pretty Girls Flirt

I went to a missionary dinner thing on Tuesday. I remembered that those guys get words of knowledge all the time, able to see what's spiritually going on with someone, so I began the process of weeding out my garbage brain. I also finally joined a local gym that day, so I got my first good workout in months, and was still sore today (when I returned).

Yesterday, I visited the neurologist I used to work for. They have tablets for patients now, so they enter basic information there rather than using paper. They had claimed to be paperless before, but it seems like they're really starting to do it now. That night, I went with friends Tara and Cameron to watch the last presidential debate at a bar in Dallas. Those debates are way easier to endure when everyone else is also hating Trump (and also when they give free shots to those watching the debate).

Today, I met up with a girl I had vaguely known through homeschool stuff in high school. We both went to homeschool prom back then, and have a few mutual friends. I had seen her once more when she worked at a coffee shop in town and was surprised at how pretty and skinny she was (two ingredients to catch the attention of this tall skinny human). I followed her on instagram and such and found that she was doing a lot of modeling. Anyway, she had posted something about her microbiology notes on an instagram story thing, and I offered to let her use my favorite study resource, sketchy micro.

So we were to meet at Starbucks. I arrived early, as I usually do if it's not morning, and the barista was a pretty and skinny blonde girl. This, of course, did not do much to ruffle my calm demeanor. After all, many baristas are attractive and so are many customers. But then she flirted with me as she helped me to select a beer (which, by the way, is a thing at Starbucks now) and then talked flirty for a moment as she delivered my drink to my table outside, and then (and this convinced me that it was real flirting) she gave a smiling thorough look back at me as she opened the door to go back inside. So for the first time perhaps ever, I had a pretty girl stranger flirting with me (that part might have happened once or twice before) while I awaited the pretty girl I was to give science stuff to.

So other pretty girl arrived and I gave her the stuff, and we talked for an hour or two. She told me that her only memory of me was when we danced at prom and I had apparently not looked at her the whole time (she then imitated my dancing pose, which I must admit appeared to be too strict a head position to allow for eye contact). We talked of life since then, of travels and jobs and school. She likes camping, which doesn't help her in my book. But perhaps my upbringing made me biased against that in the same way that I dislike the idea of road trips. Gotta keep an open mind. Anyway, we made vague plans to go to karaoke or dancing sometime, though I told her that I'd probably mostly be studying until December.

Anyway, I need a weekend of nonstop studying so that I don't have to think about social encounters anymore. I'm not used to people.

Our Witness

This election is awful. I've decided, for the moment at least, to avoid church until the election is over. Last week, I found myself judging people based on the amens I heard. Their political affiliations became obvious.

And it's tough to be forgiving of the Christian community when they choose a candidate who stands for so much that the Bible stands against. My convictions force me to be at odds with the evangelical church. And why? Because when I share my faith with a Muslim, illegal immigrant, African American, or, let's face it, a woman, I spend my time clarifying that Jesus was actually in favor of minorities, not against them. I am convinced that as a follower of Jesus, I could not support such a candidate, because it ruins my witness. As it is, the evangelicals voting for Trump sort of make me feel like I'm eating my words. So rather than share my faith, I end up taking the side of other religions, because at least they have the decency of mutual respect regardless of religion, skin color, etc.

I also have friends with PTSD from past sexual assault. They can't watch the debates. It triggers them. And it certainly drives me to drink too much, even as I'm trying to cut back.

So I look forward to November 9. So this can finally be over.