It's been a minute. I started talking to my father a little, via email. I have bad dreams about him every once in awhile if I think about his response to the current realities, so I try not to think of him. I am not used to being the one with daddy issues, but although he raised me well, he seems to have abandoned whatever he taught.
I just went on a 6-day trip to San Francisco, visiting Napa for the first time. My host was a dear friend from university who continues to be dear. I am glad that we have both worked on bettering ourselves as humans, and that it shows.
My podcast was mentioned again in a major publication. The numbers do not reflect the recognition, but I do, and even my narcissistic sister gave me props for it. Being mentioned once could be a fluke, but twice? And by a different writer? We must have something going. And tonight, we released our 100th episode. The whole medical thing is not where my natural talent lies, but this podcast is precisely such. And that is a struggle.
I rescheduled my test date for September 4th. I do not know whether I can be good enough by then. Despite how refreshing that San Francisco trip was, and how I finally felt like my real self, I simply do not know whether the discipline is in me to make this thing happen. I do not know if I can do it. I have hardly touched my Bible in the past few months, and I just... I am not sure. This test, and the similar one that I can take around a month or two after, is the last thing. Once I complete these, I can be done with tests aside from board exams, and board exams are not even technically prerequisites for most jobs as a doctor.
I honestly just wanted to check in and write a little, since I know that it is unhealthy for me not to do so... But as a side note, do you ever find yourself agreeing with all of your friends who have lost their faith, and feeling very critical of many of those who still retain it? It is not across the board, as all the co-creators of the podcast are believers, but some of my closest friends are no longer Christian. And I agree with their criticisms for the most part. But Jesus is still good, and they acknowledge that fact. It is just this baggage of the Christian culture... At the time of my last reading, I was in the book of Acts, but I think I may go back to the gospels simply because the Apostle Paul seems to me to be notably more judgmental than Jesus, to an extent that Christian culture adopted a "spirit" of being judgmental rather than accepting. Even I feel ostracized for believing in science.
