Half Your Age Plus 7?

It's super hard to write. Spare time is given to shows and reading (for fun) and texting friends. But this is a time of my life that I will hopefully be able to look back on and maybe learn something from.

So my roommate and I have talked some and shared about our faiths. He and I believe super similarly, except that my God is one that I talk to and he worships Allah but can only actually ever hear back from the Muslim pope, who, by the way, he might visit at some point this semester by ditching the island for a weekend to go to Houston. He said that it would be worth it even if he lost a semester of school to the journey altogether. It's apparently like a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

I made the class average for both my tests on Tuesday, which is comforting. I slacked off a lil' this weekend, mostly because we had to transition from Block Exams straight to class again. It's like doing finals week and then going back to regular classes. Anyway, kinda back on track now.

Also, I looked up an article on the "half your age plus 7 years" dating rule. My 3-year rule is starting to feel outdated. I seem to still be attracted to the age range that I've been attracted to all my life, I think. Anyway, there's a girl that's too young for me now but their family is in medicine and she's looking to get into medicine too, and in two years the rules will allow me to consider her and it not be creepy. In 4-5 years, I'll be working in residency in the States and maybe some sparks could fly or whatevz. The big attraction points are the strong Christian family, getting along very well with my extreme sarcasm, and, naturally, looks. Those three points, particularly in the variety of Christian, are tough to match up in one human.

Anyway, back to studying.

Tiny Lil' Bitty Update

I made around (one slightly above and another test slightly below) class average. I have a chance at med school. I also talked to Muslim roommate about our beliefs and such. Maybe more on that tomorrow. For now, I have a block party to be at.

If I Fail

Can I talk about fear for a second? Like how afraid I am that I'll do bad on these first tests, this initial proving ground, and that it will result in my inevitable trip back to the States with the process of becoming a doctor further delayed by at least a couple years so I can get a Master's degree to prove my worth again?

I can't afford to ever become arrogant or overly confident in what I've learned. I never learn enough.

And during my study breaks, I don't have ANY of my friends here. I have friends that I've made in the last three weeks, but I've only known them for three weeks AND their cultures differ greatly from my own.

I miss these fears, in a way. But in another way, if I screw up, I'm back to that sorry life I was living, or trying to find a new one, and I don't know if I could bear it. If I dropped out of med school, I think the only thing I could do to feel anything of worth would be to work at Disney World.

I always wish to work there, but it would suck to lose my true calling and have to settle for my secret longing. Some dreams are only meant to be dreamed.

First Step In the Impossible Promise

In my rereading of the New Testament, I've been brought once again to the beloved passage which inspired me through so much of my undergrad education, Romans 4-5. I preached on it in multiple countries as well, though with a degree of fear because it's a faith-based sermon; I haven't entirely seen its fulfillment in me. I don't like to speak about unverified things with such certainty, but hey, that's faith.

In any case, it got me to thinking of the next portion of the Scripture. A fair number of the doctors teaching us casually refer to their god complex. They learn so much and think so highly of themselves that they have to frequently emphasize to us the negative effect it can have. Our Foundations of Clinical Medicine professor, in particular, said that he told his wife that his practice comes before his marriage. Later in that lecture, he would refer casually to his current fiancée. I'm not banking on being perfect husband material anyway (history of divorce in the family), so the last thing I need is all that.

So the next part of the lesson comes in. Romans doesn't cover it as much, but in Genesis, after Abraham is given the promise (paraphrasing a LOT) that Jesus and the salvation that comes through Him will be one of his descendants, Abraham is asked by God to sacrifice his son. This son was the fulfillment of the promise. The first impossible step of the huge impossible promise had already been given to Abraham. And he was commanded to sacrifice this promise fulfillment. Abraham showed his willingness to obey and God once again allowed him to keep his son.

God has shown me the first impossible step of the huge impossible promise He made to me, that I would be a doctor. I'm in medical school. I have my first big tests on Monday and Tuesday. And my head has already gotten a little bigger because I'm good at some things that others seem to be struggling with (and vice versa with other things, but that's beside the point, or maybe makes the point?). All of this is still God's. Whatever achievements I've made up until now, whatever I think I've learned or obtained or done, it's all God's. And if I don't give Him the first fruits of every bit of it, I'm screwed. So I need to give Him every little fulfilment of promise He gives to me, because it's all His, and He's the one shaping everything into what He wants.

First Two Weeks

Ah yes, blogging. One of the many things I've had no time for since med school began. As predicted, school got hard on the second day, and the volume of information became ridiculous. And then, somehow, I kinda sorta learned to cope? I dunno. I still feel behind in everything, but not terribly so. I went to TA sessions, and they explained most of the kinda thing I need to know. And it made me feel okay. Gross Anatomy has been the most challenging, but it's also the one with the most reinforcement (two hours of lecture followed by an hour and a half of cadaver lab).

There's so much. But the dorm I live in, Rawlins, has a closeness to it, with all of us bonding over the shared frustration of living far from campus and having to figure out the complications that come with that.

I miss singing. I don't have a car to sing in, and I don't go to church here (difficult to wake up or get a ride on Sundays, much less find a church that I actually prefer). I don't get to be alone much, not really alone. Not alone enough to sing well, at least. But maybe I'll visit the beach tomorrow and sing there...

I drank tonight. It's kind of an important thing to me, evil though that may sound.  I didn't even like drinking very much when I left, because I had no cares. Now, I have to learn the world over, and the relief of drinking really is a pleasant thing.

First two weeks of med school are done, and I'm a week away from Block 1 exams. Hope I'm making the cut.

First Day of School

Orientation was yesterday. It was a relief to see that this place was run by real people who knew what they were doing.

Classes began today. I had a leisurely wakeup upon finding that FCM (Foundations of Clinical Medicine, or Playing Doctor) would not begin until next week, so classes started at 9 AM instead of 8 AM. Unfortunately, the shuttle bus that was responsible for taking us to class did not show up. At all. Three buses were supposed to drop by as we waited, but none did, so we walked the 40 minutes through tropical heat to class. The bus driver apparently experienced a combination of "forgot" and "thought he had already gotten everyone with the first pickup". In any case, I now know that I can walk to school, which is something.

Histology was the first class of the day, and most of it was spent with the professor telling us why Histology was worth learning. To clarify, this was a 2-hour class, and she only began to actually cover material in the last 20 minutes.

I have to remember with all of it that lots of these guys got into this school 'cause it has lower standards. That's how I got in. Unlike many of them, I have a strong science background, and, particularly during my last year, I took a lot of classes that prepared me strongly for this beginning medical stuff. So the first few days will understandably be frustrating for me.

That frustration left, however, when I entered the Gross Anatomy classroom. At first, everything seemed kinda basic, but the professor elaborated on the most basic things and there was far more to those things. All we have to do tomorrow is know what most should already know, but the day after that, we have to know SO much already. And really, Histology/Cell Bio should get more difficult tomorrow, and WAY more difficult after that.

With the newly-arising difficulties in mind, I began working out again. I was tired of waiting for the expensive gym at school to open ($50 per semester and they hardly had anything), so I downloaded a workout app and did a quick 7-minute thing and then went for a run. I need to get a better track to run and better ab exercises, but aside from that, it was an okay workout. Working out helps to keep me disciplined, and since I need that, regular exercise is necessary.

During my jog, I realized something. I learned in Europe that I can't make my Christianity a secondary thing. I tried to to some extent, but God is just too big in my life. He does so much. So unlike my last year of college (my best year academically), I need to learn to make Christ the center even in the midst of studying hard. Ignoring Him never helped me, and I'm doing all of this on His orders anyway, so I should be worshiping Him with it.