Measuring Purity

I sometimes make the 'dupid mistake of thinking that purity is a measure of my standards against that of others', not my standards against that of Jesus'. Even the little things are a big deal.

The Ideal Spring Break

I've been talking about it at least since last summer, and now it's actually going to happen. I'm going to Disney World. In 2 1/2 weeks, a fun group of college-aged kiddos will hop in a car with me and drive 17 1/2 hours to Orlando. St. Patrick's Day followed by two days of Disney, followed by three days at the beach, and then the ride back to Arkansas.

It's made all the better because besides food, the trip should only cost us around $250 apiece, $200 of that being the Disney World tickets themselves. We plan to crash at friends' houses (I know two people in Florida and therefore we are visiting those two people) and maybe camp on the beach. Maybe I'll even write poetry at the ocean. Oh how I've missed poetry...

It's kinda the ideal spring break, and I get to have it for my senior year. I'm just stupidly blessed...

Death From Inside

Compassion is something I learned how to have recently.

I care a lot now.

So when my flatmate's girlfriend's sister committed suicide today, I felt a lot.

She's dead. I saw her just the other day. Friends saw her this morning. She seemed fine. Living life. She had transferred in this semester.

I've encountered a little death before. I've been to one funeral where I actually saw the body, but I hadn't met that man ( recent uncle in-law) before. In Uganda, I shadowed doctors as they worked on a patient who died the night that I was learning about his case. And last semester, of course, I worked with cadavers.

But this is much more tangible. Her face is there in my mind.

I'm in school to be a medical missionary, and the thought of those patients in Uganda drive me more toward school and learning to be able to help them. But I often forget that I can help people without that training. My uselessness in the hospitals made me need to do something to be able to help them, but there are those who are hurting from emotional and spiritual pains. And I can help them.

I can work all day and night forever to make people well, but if the turmoil is within the spirit, no amount of medicine will ever cure them, and they may do as this young woman did and cut it all short.

I love/hate that I know how to care now, how to feel the hurt that can only result from love.

Who I Want To Be

I think I've figured out the kind of person I want to be, at least with regard to my personality. According to my freshman Intro to Psychology course, my personality isn't solid till my mid-twenties. I'm not too far away from that (weird, right?).

In high school and junior high, I tended to hang out with the more quiet people. These were the ones that you could always tell there was more to than initially meets the eye. I found that I wanted to be one of those types, one whose words carried weight because I only said what I had spent time mulling over and reflecting upon. In other words, I wanted to speak with wisdom, the words I speak bearing enormous weight and having great effect.

This has only been brought to mind lately because once again, I really liked how the main character in the Wheel of Time series turned out. Everywhere he went, things were blessed (in the books, grass would turn green and spoiled food would turn fresh) but he was also simple in speech and manner, not trying to impress people with himself. He knew what he knew, and what he had to do, and he listened and cared for people as he went about it. Everyone and everything around him was blessed.

P.S. I imagine that Jesus had a personality like that.

I had also never appreciated free will until I read the series. The series is not a Christian one. The author made it a point to emphasize that. Instead it focuses a lot on the idea of reincarnation, that everything is bound to repeat itself. This drove Rand (the main character) to frustration. Similarly, I get frustrated with this life we are forced to live and the sinful nature we have to battle. I have often wished that God would simply take over and live my life for me. I'd give it freely for Him to do so. Instead, He has me live it, and Rand's experience in the book helps me to understand why. He asks why we fight, why we suffer, why we go through so much if everything is doomed to be repeated. And the answer was simple. We do it so we can have another chance to love.

Sorry, the series was just so freaking good that I keep learning lessons from it.

Christian Debates With Unbelievers

In my Faith & Science class, we've talked about a bunch of big issues, addressing troubles that come up when you study science but also love God. I've mostly realized in the class that I already kinda have this stuff together in myself, but there was one issue that came up as a byproduct that really annoyed me. Some students asked about how to relate to "nonbelievers" and how to argue their views on Christianity. This question has a two-part answer.

I happen to be friends with some unbelievers, and I've noticed a very implausible thing in them: they are people. Despite the fact that their lack of faith in Christ has them headed towards hell, and despite their lack of belief in what makes a foundation for me as a way of life, they just so happen to also be people. Beautiful, loving people who are trying to figure life out as surely as we are, and who often have more figured out than we Christians do (aside from that ultimate question of salvation).

In my opinion, faith isn't something that's meant to be argued or debated. Talked out, reasoned, and reflected upon, yes, but I don't believe that you are going to prove God to someone who believes otherwise through debates. What makes Christianity crazy is that Christ happens to be real. We are just responsible to obey Him, and He does the big stuff, like going behind "enemy lines" (and by "enemy", of course, we mean people we love) and changing hearts and minds towards Him. He proves Himself.