This spring break was wonderful in a myriad of ways, but I realized something about myself, something that has slowly been creeping in: I'm losing a portion of myself.
In order to do well in school, to get into medical school, to do well in medical school, to do well in residency, and finally to really help people, I have to focus. A lot. I have to put so much into scientific study that I push most else aside. Friends are usually on hold, as are creative endeavors. In fact, I feel as if the entire right side of my brain must be experiencing some sort of neural atrophy. When I try to do creative things, it's like awakening that part of myself from a deep sleep, and it feels as if it requires much coaxing and setting up an environment that encourages it.
I had also, at one point during spring break, begun to think that perhaps I am pursuing this career for selfish reasons. Isn't it easier to do something that you can throw everything into and lose yourself in it?
So I asked myself, "Is this the best thing for me to be doing?" The answer, I found, is "yes." The question of selfishness was answered when I realized exactly what I am giving up: my favorite subjects. I love history. I love reading, writing, and poetry. I love art. Yet to do as well as I necessarily need to do, these must all be sacrificed.
Even if I lose some of my favorite parts of myself, or if those parts are at least dulled, I believe it's still well worth it. Sacrificing a part of myself can save many whole people.
