Thursday night was just us watching movies and stuff at the lakehouse, and Friday, Newman and Jordan had to leave in the evening, so I was left to hang out with Poetry kids that I never normally hang out with for long. But I realized that they've got a whole lot of respect for me that I haven't tried to earn from them.
Saturday, I got home and sat around till like 9:00 or 10:00 PM, then started reading my book for school, and was up till 3:00 AM doing so.
Church on Sunday was alright, and I ate with some older people than usual (Caleb Fauber, Spring and Scott Rowell, Josh Lewis, and others). Then I went with my parents to Canton to help load a bed into the trailer, but it came apart really easily. I went to church after that and we filmed a few countdown videos for the media team. That night, I finished my book at 3:00 AM.
I'm gonna ramble like crazy for the next paragraph.
Today was the first day of school, which means that a spiritually fruitful season gets to begin. I wonder about it, though. My friend situation certainly worked out better than I had hoped last year. But honestly, who knows? I remember praying for a guy best friend last year, and thinking that God had sent Josh Rackley for that purpose. But, like the vast majority of friendships, I felt like I was putting
way more into it than he was. College is bringing some pressure now, 'cause I
need to get scholarships if God is gonna have me go to Boston. Sometimes, I wanna literally give it all to God, and let him just live my life for me. That would simplify things. I'm just getting tired of God not speaking to me clearly, making me second-guess myself. I'm don't wanna second-guess myself when I choose a college to go to. If God doesn't tell me which one, provide scholarships for it, and prepare a way, then I won't be able to follow His will and it'll be His fault. So He had better speak up soon. When my close friends get girlfriends or boyfriends, I'm ridiculously critical of it. Why? 'Cause I'm not dating yet. I get a weird feeling every time I find out about someone close having that kind of a relationship. I can't tell if it's God telling me something or if it's just an emotion or just how my body reacts to surprises. Last year, pouring out became an addiction. I almost needed to have it every day. This year, I'm supposed to have balance with all of it. I want so badly to be able to pour out all the time. It left me on a spiritual high all year long. Lately, I can't stop thinking of regrets. They won't be big things. Just stupid things I've said or done around people. I normally don't think about those things much, but it's really preoccupying my mind. Every time I think of friendships, I tend to think that I'm gonna be a loner for quite awhile. I stopped thinking it for a little bit, but I'm pretty dern sure that it's true. I'll go through phases and seasons of being right where someone else is at with God, but then I'll skip ahead of them, 'cause they'll backslide and won't listen to sense, and I'm left on my own. It ends up being just God and I. Which is fine, but iron is supposed to sharpen iron. Iron very rarely has consistently been able to sharpen iron in my life.
Back to my first day of school, which, unlike the above paragraph, wasn't frustrating in the least. First I had dual-credit English with Mr. Beaumont. Only like 1/4 of the people in it registered for the dual-credit part of it, which I found to be hilarious. It was also full of both 'tardholes and good friends, so there'll be some clashing there. Next I had Physics, which is taught by Mr. Harber. A bunch of fun guys in there (only seniors). Next I have American Government with Mrs. Williams, and she's always fun, but she's gonna try to make us keep up with the news. And by "try to make us", I mean that she's making our grades depend on it. Next I had a thing called lunch, during which time Renee, Michelle, Jordan, and I talked about our expectations for the year, then, when the monitors found us (they don't like us sitting around the corner, out of their watchful gazes), we moved and prayed with some more people just for the school and surrounding schools. It was good. Next I had Pre-Calculus, also with Mr. Harber, and he made out that the class was harder than he thought, so we're gonna have a harder time. He had persuaded me to take that class, and I'm already tempted to drop it. After that, I had Latin and Greek Roots, which, as Mr. Forey explained, is really just a vocabulary class, and our grades are based on us getting into writing groups and writing a story using all of the vocabulary words correctly. It's basically 4th grade again. For my elective, I had the American Civil War Honors class, which will apparently be mostly reading out of a friggin' huge book. And it's a two-semester class. Lastly, I taught a junior high Connect class (basically a discipleship class). It was really good. Most of the kids are really obnoxious, but they already show a lot of promise. Once I can get them to shut up, maybe God can use me to teach them about my crazy spiritual life. When I got home, I watched an episode of The Simpsons then took a nap. Priscilla called me at 10:15 PM, waking me up to pick her up from work. Later in the night, I got some breaking news about a new relationship. I'm much too biased to trust any opinion I may have, so I'll trust theirs.
