Finally Got It!

I FINALLY got my Word time in today. Unfortunately, it was a little late. Without ample Word time (more than just the daily Proverb) for more than a few days, I turn into who I used to be. I was SOOOOO very loud and obnoxious and stupid in classes today. I ended up realizing it, but the damage was done, and all I could do was shut up and bide my time till I could read my Word before Paradigm.

During the worship tonight, God brought to mind how I've been thinking almost consciously that I am going be dropping some standards when I go to college. Being at the college campus for just a weekend got my humor a lil' dirtier. I felt like I would have to lower standards to get along over there. But then Pastor Nick preached, and it totally hit home. My standards aren't defined by the people around me. I can live the righteous life He has called me to without having to "adapt" to fit in with the people around me. It seems elementary, but I was actually planning on letting things slide. I also had a good follow-up talk with Pastor Nick.

Finally

Tuesday, I don't remember what I did. I remember asking Andrew how to make a website, but that was at night. Maybe it was something I'd rather not remember. That's a safe bet.
Wednesday, I went to Paradigm earlier than I normally get to (about the time that I planned to get there every week when I tried to plan in the beginning of summer). It was pleasant. I couldn't concentrate during pre-service prayer 'cause I felt shame and junk, and I hadn't heard from God in a sure way in quite awhile. The countdown video that night was me shaving my mustache. It brought back loving memories, and I found myself imitating my own facial expressions as I watched. Worship was good, 'cause I had had to run MediaShout for the past few weeks, and this was real worship again. I just gave it all to God, which felt so good. And one of the songs had the verse, "To call you more than Lord, Glorious Friend", and I felt like I wanted God to stop being only God to me for awhile, and to be that perfect friend that I've been wanting, which no human is capable of being, as it turns out. That night, I tried a new approach with my dad, instead of the silent approach I had been using for a lil' bit. I tried being honest. But, like every approach so far, it brought me to tears. "This generation wants to be open, but keeps you at arms' length." That's from the Q&A that night at Paradigm, and it's easy for me to see why. I talked to some friends about it during (Jordan called me in the middle of it, and I was thankful to talk to him not only about my current troubles, but also about teaching the junior high Bible class thing), and after, and that definitely helps. One thing Jordan said was just that I need to not receive the guilt and condemnation that is being sent my way, 'cause it's definitely not from God.
Thursday, today, I woke up at around noon, told my dad when he called that I couldn't help him, 'cause I needed to read my book for school, and then did so for most of the day. Then I took an hour-long break to try forcing some sun into this bleached skin of mine. The plans are set for the lakehouse. I leave tomorrow at noon. I'm hoping for some sitting back and chilling (I wouldn't use the word, but it's the only word I can think of to describe my hopes and dreams at the moment).