"RESET BUTTON"

I was pretty dern overwhelmed and upset the last few days. This feeling usually peaks when I'm without Word time or sleep for awhile, but this seemed a lil' more serious. I made C's on my midterms. Those C's were in my classes with Mr. Harber (one of which I've already dropped). After talking to God in exasperated tones Friday morning, then sleeping for 18 hours that afternoon, I was still upset with Him. Fortunately, Alyssa K. Sortino, my Virginian friend, was on Facebook. We only get to talk once in awhile, and today I brought my troubles to the table. Lots of my grade-crapping, we discovered, is due to words said to me at the end of last semester.

"I really did do my best. I worked hours longer for your class than for any other. I even went as far as to forgo work on my senior thesis for your class, even though I should be working on that." -Me.

"Looking at your work and at the opportunities you had, you did not do your best." -Take a wild guess at which teacher.

To me, this said, "Your best was not good enough." God and I have always been a tag-team with grades. I'd do my part, and He'd make sure that the grades would always reflect my efforts. This time, my grades simply didn't. So I stopped working so hard at managing my time right. I concentrated more on church and Prototype, 'cause my efforts always show when I'm there. On friday, I got that report card and the book for my online class (which I have to finish tests and final exam for by April 15th).

Solving the root problems is a two-step process: hit the RESET button on my life by reorganizing time and priorities and such, and ignore douchy teachers.

Faith...Good Stuff

This past weekend, I relaxed. That's basically what happened. I also made a lot of progress with my One. Her best friend left her at the Dart rail and was a jerk to her, and this somehow got her back to God. I think she's gonna be committed.

Tonight, we had a YFN weekend squeezed into a night, complete with Pastor Jaycee and Regeneration. High expectations? Always. Trish cut my hair before service, 'cause we both hate my rat-tail. She did awesome. Props to her.

I'm gonna just spill a few things God told me. First off, in my Bible reading beforehand, I was in Luke 4:32+36. It talked about how Jesus was teaching at the temple. It says twice that "the people were amazed at his teaching". "Why?" thought I. To start with, they were amazed because He spoke with authority. He knew His capabilities, 'cause He had been filled with the Holy Spirit. In verse 36, the people are amazed again. This time, it's after He casts out a demon. His teachings are now amazing not only 'cause of His authority, but because He's got power to back it up.

I went for the alter call to have my faith-to-faith-to-faith strengthened, 'cause I was at the point that I didn't believe I would get accepted into any university, or that the things I had been obeying God with were gonna really have His ideal end result. I had a huge amount of doubt 'cause of Boston University, 'cause I had spoken it out in faith and felt like God had told me to go there. Then that whole deal fell through, my desire to go there with it. I was afraid to have faith that I would be accepted anywhere, lest I have a similar let-down happen again. But then God reminded me of something Pastor Benny Perez said. It's better to have faith in something and go down believing than to be doubting or uncertain about it. I think it's true. So I have faith that I'm going to UT.

During worship, I started thinking of an equation in Physics (don't worry, it relates). Energy is the ability to do work. Work requires displacement, or moving something to a new location. Power is a combination of all of these. It's the rate at which work happens. So, when Jesus worked in power, and when we work in power, it's energy causing a movement really quickly. When the apostles did deeds of power in Acts, their numbers grew by thousands. You know why? 'Cause the power of Jesus is a huge amount of energy moving hearts, minds, bodies, and spirits. It's science.

He also wants me to rewrite the angry letter I had written to Mr. Harber, apologizing for holding bitterness towards him, and making my points in a more kindly manner.

Conflict

My DAAAAAAAYYYYYYY! But really. So, started out my day with some Dual-Credit, which is always a blast (NOT). During this class, Newman told me that he wasn't sure where my camera is. FANTASTIC! Then came Physics with my blog's most talked-about teacher, Mr. Harber (*everyone in the room cheers*). He gave us a review which I politely informed him was impossible, and he told me to take a zero or drop the class if I needed to. Then Mrs. Horan and I had a talk, and Physics and Pre-Cal were put into order, but not before the mental toll had settled in.

Mrs. Horan also pulled me in after all that and talked to me about whether the whole medical thing was really up my ally. Math and science are my biggest struggles, and that is not doctor material. She told me to have an open mind, and reconsider things at the end of my freshman year. I hadn't questioned my intelligence in a long time, but I did today. Why can't I understand this crap if I'm gonna be doing it for the next eight years of my life?

After all this, I went to Chik Fil A, 'cause we all know that those lovable cows know how to bring mental, spiritual, and emotional healing to our beings. I was in the drive-thru, and the individual in front of me paid for my meal and gave the message, "Jesus loves you." Honestly, it shut up my questions. Most of the New Testament is built on that phrase. Surely it has a place in all this.

On the other hand, the mock trial began today. Tyler testified, but we didn't get past him, so I'll be testifying tomorrow. It's gonna be fun.

Shut Yourself

My teacher, Mr. Harber, came back from his voyage to the Virgin Islands. In Pre-Cal, I tried a new strategy. I had tried many to get through the class without Mr. H getting mad at me, but to no avail. Today, I was silent as the grave. I kept on writing down and underlining "DON'T TALK" to myself, and other similar phrases, plus drawings of someone banging their head with a hammer while drinking from a can of Unhappiness. It was my most successful class with him. I even managed to tolerate him talking about the detention and how we should have better attitudes. A friend of mine, who had never gotten in trouble in that class before, was asking questions about the subject, and he got upset at her for the first time. Why, you may ask? Because I wasn't participating, so he had to get mad at someone who was. Anyway, I'm enjoying the fact that I can possibly get through the class if I don't say anything. Needless to say, I had to make things right with his place of authority and with God on my way home.

In other news, we have a tentative booking on our senior trip cruise. It's April 4-9 with Carnival. You should come.

Trust VS. Discouragement

Last Friday, I went to work at Canton, which was way more fun this time, 'cause there was work to be done (lifting furniture). It was also Halloween, and I had no costume besides three dots (I was gonna go as a 3-hole-punched London, like Jim in The Office). But there was a costume contest on The Mountain, so Zach Nickel insisted that I dress up. Never being one to turn down such opportunities, I stuck a feather duster in the back of my pants, drew whiskers on my face, and competed as a cat. Unfortunately, I lost to a hairy cross-dresser.

The next day, I went to the lady across from us and got an airbrush tattoo of "D Andrew" (for David Andrew Nemeth) on my chest.

It was a good birthday present for him, and his party that night was great. We watched Iron Man outside, and Trish, Bri, and I snuggled closely on the couch, for it was chilly outside, but this problem was solved when Mrs. Nemeth brought out hot chocolate for everyone. Incredible. That night, after the party, I came across the problem which I blogged about in my previous post. I was an hour and a half past the deadline for Early Decision to BU. I panicked and freaked out, too.
I went out to eat with Trish, Jordan, Hiro, and Pasha the next day, and Trish was in a more reserved mood, and, with me still being upset from the previous night's occurrences, so was I. This helped us to get along until I left for the Kenya meeting (which was just more fundraiser stuff). I went home after this to prep for small groups (God always tells me a whole bunch during that hour before small groups, so when I get there, I feel like changing what our planned discussion would be, but I have a partner, so that don't work). At small groups, we played human Foosball, which involves rolled-up newspapers. I'll take pictures of these things as soon as I get my camera back (Priscilla left it with a friend FOR WEEKS NOW). After all of this, I finally got to tell God how angry I was, and I let the sun go down on my anger towards Him (never, EVER smart to do) for letting me miss that deadline.

Monday, I was angry all day, and God's favor left me. This showed itself with teachers. Mr. Harber gave me an unofficial detention, so I had to stay in during lunch. This punishment was given because while everyone else was making jokes in class (and joking around was the general mood), I made some little joke, and for some reason, Mr. Harber thinks of me as "the feather that breaks the camel's back". I told Newman about my discouragement and anger at God, and he said that he was frustrated too, what with being medically disqualified from going to the air force academy due to braces. However, I knew all day that the only way to fix this with God was to go and sit with Him, talk to Him a lil', then just listen. I demanded that He show me where He was going with all the discouragement. I fell asleep a lil' during this time, and I don't know whether I was asleep or not when God basically told me (kinda angrily), "How dare you make these demands! You cannot comprehend what I am doing, so just trust in me." It was a good quiet time.

Tuesday, I was totally aiming to go to EMP, but then I definitely didn't. Our prayer meeting was good. Jordan also had discouragement, plus some weariness, so we all prayed over that junk. Also, we're having a retreat in January, 'cause One Voice was so effective that it inspired the administration and the prayer team. So yeah, be looking out for that.

THE ELECTION! I, like everyone on myspace, have to state my political opinion, right? Obama is alright. Not only is he alright, but he's also the man that God put in charge, so he's actually the best possible choice for president at the moment, right? Plus, he represents the small but important minority of half-African Americans whose fathers were born in Kenya. We need more representation! Anyway, I'm glad that my Dreams will come true and that Change will happen everywhere and that I won't have to worry about college, car, or house payments because Obama is gonna fix it all. FIX IT. Oh, and we are all Obamans, citizens of Obamadon, the land of Obamanation. And black people are also Obamans. My political opinions matter!

Wednesday, I had some more discouragement. I only cry three or four times a year, for serious situations (or if I'm with my brothers, 'cause they're gifted in that area). I cried that day. Mr. Harber had assigned homework, and, after working some on the board, he suddenly decided to take it up as a quiz grade. I went to his desk and asked him if he could go over one more problem, 'cause I didn't understand it. He said to the class and I, "Everyone sit down," quite seriously, seemingly expecting immediate results. However, the assignment was still in my notebook, and I had yet to tear it out. So I began to ask him if I could tear it out and turn it in before going to my desk, but I could not complete the sentence before he said, "London, come with me. You're getting a real detention." He told Mrs. Rapacz to write down "Disrespect" for the reason. I cried for two reasons (as a man, I have to justify if I can). Number one: just one detention means that I will have to take my Finals at the end of the year, with no chance to cop out of them. Number two: I was not being disrespectful in the least, and felt that it was an unjust punishment. I could not talk to him afterwards, 'cause the voice of wisdom told me that I would end up being disrespectful to him, and I didn't wanna do that. On the way home, I kept myself from getting mad at God. I didn't wanna do that again.

Thursday, I felt a lil' better, 'cause Mr. Harber was on a sailing vacation in the Virgin Islands for a week, and we had subs. Honestly, I wish Mr. Barlow was our normal Physics teacher. I understood what he talked about. This is a new thing. Mrs. Townsend is always hilarious, and she is gonna be giving us Algebra II refreshers. I talked to my One after school about reading the Bible, 'cause (as I told her), it's God's Words for you. It's almost like cheating to hear from God, 'cause all you have to do is read. Following this, I went to Prototype, which was at Caleb's new apartment (a few apartments over from where Preston used to stay). We talked about our Romans stuff, and he told me about the difference between quiet time, Word time, and prayer time. They aren't all the same thing, apparently. Then I drove over to CFNI and hung out with those college kids, found out that some of them hated me talking about Obama, found out that Trish's TVO had accidentally been turned off so we had no Office, then went home.

Today (being Friday), I went to the computer lab and stole my yearbook pictures so I could have them on my computer, then went to the McBrides' house for a prayer team get-together. Apparently, Michelle is annoyed by me at every second. We don't get to hang out much, so maybe I tend to act extremely casual around her. Anyway, it was a good ol' time, and I went home from there and kicked back and relaxed a lil' bit. I've gotta work on my senior thesis tomorrow, 'cause Mr. Beaumont wants a working outline of it and evidence of research by next week, and I have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to show for it.

Small Groups

Once again, it took me a week to blog. Sunday, we had our last media meeting, where we previewed the promos for Small Groups. Here's the one that features me.

It convinced Priscilla to join the media small group. Anyway, that went well. The Williams' grandfather was barely hanging onto life all week, so Michelle wasn't as apt to become cheery when I talked to her. I'm saying that 'cause it took me so long to figure out why.

Monday was a day of discouragement, what with having done too much homework in one class, and forgetting to do a report in another. But Mondays they tend to be, 'cause the devil don't like it when someone works on humbling themselves and God sees fit to stick 'em with a small group, and all of a sudden, the devil sees a threat, and he starts hissing and growlin' up a storm, but a Christ-follower knows that if a snake hisses, God has given him a heel do crush his head with. I've asked around, and I'm pretty sure that God pulled a few strings for me in order for me to help lead a small group. All I remember about that day is that the night that followed was a late one.

Tuesday was similar. But I've noticed a change in my Bible reading. I use one line in my notebook every day, just jotting down what I read, and whatever sticks out to me. But ever since I finished the Old Testament, I've found that the New Testament is full of the goods. You don't have to dig around for some spiritual sustenance. Plus, I've got a small group to pastor, so God has been giving me revelations and teachings to work on for our small group. The only problem is, it takes up a large paragraph of my notebook and 30-45 minutes of my valuable time. Tough? Yeah. But so worth it.

Wednesday, I was late to school due to a stupid printer malfunction. I talked to Renee and some others about their expectations for their small groups. Renee's main concern was converting the old "Black Hole" crowd from being "not bad", to fruitful. It's a bigger step than I had thought. Anyway, that night, I talked to Shayna about our group, then it was time to show our stuff. My Dollar Tree light-up batons were a huge success, and so was my flute action. Also, our picture advertisement was the best. That night, I went home and collapsed while attempting to attempt to do homework, much to the disappointment of Mr. Harber.

Thursday, I came to the realization that Mr. Harber is on a slow downward spiral towards not allowing ANY movement or noise in the classroom. I'm dreading the day when I accidentally drop a pencil. That day, I sat in class, ignoring Mr. Harber for the most part (I like reading out of the book more than listening to him), when, suddenly, Mr. Harber said something that I thought was funny. So I let out a lil' giggle. Nothing much, nothing disrespectful. "London, there's only so much I can-- go to the office and sit at the table until you can calm down a little bit." That's the first time I've been sent out of a classroom. I'm thinking that it might not be the last. All's I know is, if I get a detention in there, I'm gonna go straight to Mrs. Horan and fight it, 'cause it'll probably be for my stomach growling or me thinking too loudly.

Friday, I went to the Texas State Fair with Jordan, Hiro, Pasha's family (Jessica, Joanna, Joseph, and his parents), Alyssa, and the rest of the Woods. It was loads of fun. I lost my voice cheering on the pig races (pig number 3 won 2/3 'cause of our cheering) and then I lost more of it by singing the Russian national anthem, very much impressing Pasha's parents. His parents were rockin'-awesome, talking about fasting on the way home, and how it's putting death into your flesh by not eating, so you're putting your love for God above your love for your flesh. Good stuff. That night, after the fair, I drove all the way to Canton.

I did little jobs for my mom at Canton, bought food for Emmy and kept her company, then went on my way home. But, having left my Bible at Jordan's house, I decided to make a pit stop over there. Unfortunately, I got lost, and then Jordan remembered, just as I was pulling up, that my Bible was in his mom's car, which was with her at work, and she wouldn't be back until midnight. So I decided to spend the night, which was plenty of fun. I learned a lil' more about Japanese culture.

Upgrade today was less great, 'cause some guy from our church talked, but he wasn't a very great public speaker, and I got incredibly bored really fast, but it's a leaders meeting, and you aren't allowed to try to distract your neighbor for fun. I went home after church, called my Small Group guys, and then headed back to the church for a Kenya meeting. A certain Sarah was there, but so was a certain Daniel Lewis. I am feeling more and more that God wants me to go, but I don't really wanna go. After this, I had small groups (spent like twenty minutes getting lost on the way there), which was fantastic. On the downside, there were only three guys. On the plus side, there were like 12 or 13 girls. So we have a big group. And, from what I heard, we had one of the more successful first meetings. Those guys are loads of fun. Anyway, it's almost 2:00 AM, which, of course, is when I find time to make a blog. Blogs away!

Servant's Heart

Alright, I waited too long to update. I'm six days behind. Let's see... Tuesday, I DIDN'T go to Early Morning Prayer ('cause I forgot and get tired). I went to Prototype, which, thank heavens, meets at Starbucks now, so when I wake up from my nap, and drive half-asleep to talk about God, I'm wide awake by the end of it. That Prototype was delicious. Caleb is asking real accountability questions, stuff that we actually deal with. This comes through his genius idea of asking us what we wanna be asked. I mentioned that I had had lots of talks with God about small groups, and he was like "Oh yeah, you're leading a junior high small group, right?", and I told him "no", and that I was working with God on getting back to a servant's heart.

The next day, we had the swearing in of the student council, which was a big day for me, 'cause I officially lost my title as president. *sigh*. My Myspace display name has once again been forced to change, and my lil' signature on all my emails had to change too. Now I'm a friggin' historian, which just means that I'm old and I wear spectacles (and call them "spectacles" instead of "glasses"). After school, I was trying to think of ways to help our Paradigm leaders out more (the servant's heart was gonna take some effort, right?), and the perfect opportunity arose when Pastor Tim asked the SLs to try to get to church early to help send out newsletter things. Lots of folding, stapling, and stamping was accomplished there. Cassie slacked off, so when I worked the Hot Spot, I was pretty alone. Pastor Nick asked me to take more pictures for the small group booklet, and I did so, which pleased his majesty. Sam pulled me to the side and warned me that Sarah, to whom I had been giving advice lately, was a manipulative person, who would try to feed of emotional highs, so I should watch out. I normally would disregard such talk, but this is coming from Sam, who's quite a reputable source, and doesn't like to make up rumors. Also, Shadow (our only black adult leader) asked me if I had gotten a haircut, and I realized that several church people had asked that very same question of me, and I think I found the answer to why. It's the small but important difference between bandanna-ing your hair, and straightening it.

Thursday, I came to realize that Mr. Harber had it out for me, at least that week. No matter who had been previously talking, or even who else was talking at the same time, I was the only one who got called out in class. Well, me and Jordan, but Jordan is kind of a given. Hopefully it'll stop next week, 'cause if it doesn't, then I'm just gonna quit listening to the stuff he says, read ahead in the book, understand it fully, then work on other things. In other news, I think I'm back on Mr. Beaumont's good side. I wrote a really good essay (with big words) that included a long description of myself (which I can't describe very accurately without a large vocabulary), and I'm pretty sure that he was impressed. After school, I mowed the yard at my dad's office (I hadn't mowed the week before, and my dad had told me that I would be grounded this week, but I asked for a way to be able to go to the movies on Friday, and he said that mowing at the office and at home would redeem my soul), then headed home to shower, and traveled off to Andrew's house to watch the season premier of The Office (POOR TOBY, YAY FOR JIM AND PAM, UNSURE ABOUT ANDY, ANGELLA, AND DWIGHT). After watching it, I talked with Cameron, Jillian, Zach Shey, and Andrew about the latest CFNI gossip. I knew more than Zach, and he freaked out about it. And we danced to a song by Kings Of Leon called "Sex On Fire", and debated whether it was describing an STD, a gender, or an uncomfortable way to go about the reproduction process. After we finished, I went home and perhaps fell asleep.

Friday, I went to school. Impressed? Mr. Beaumont quizzed us on quotes from an essay that we all read, but didn't memorize, so we didn't score as highly as we could have, had we known that memorizing the entire essay would get us the A that we wanted. Jordan and I discussed who else would go on our road trip, and we decided that Rush would be the choice, but then we rethought it, and came to agree that we'd have to see fruit from him first. 'Cause there's no doubt that he should be one of the people leading it. This would depend, of course, upon him actually leading in the right direction. After school, I went home, dilly-dallied, and planned to go play Hide-N'-Go Seek at 8:00 pm, but I fell asleep at 6:00 pm, and didn't wake up till the next day (which is an hour earlier than last week's Friday night).

Saturday, I woke up at 9:00 am, and I did little stupid things, watched as Alexandra prepared for homecoming with the help of Meagan Mulcher, who was dating Preston, but now I think they've broken up. I dunno. I got a text from Pastor Nick reminding small group leaders to come to their lil' orientation thing at second service, and I asked him if I should make an appearance, and replied "Duh". I went to see Eagle Eye with Jordan, Hiro, Michelle, and Rush. I told Michelle that since she was the only girl, she had to make comments about how cute Shia LeBeouf was, even if she didn't particularly favor his Jewish charm. She complied in the beginning, but gradually decided to form her own opinions (THE NERVE!). That was plenty fun. Then I went to spend the night at Jordan's house, and he, Hiro, and I talked some. Apparently Hiro had seen ghosts, and we explained how ghosts are demons, but he's having a tough time getting a grip on everything, so it's kinda tough for him. We left like fifteen voicemails on Michelle's phone on our way to Jordan's house ('cause what else would we do for twenty minutes?). By the time we got to Jordan's house, we were too tired to do anything, so we just went to sleep (retarded, huh?).

This morning (Sun- to the -day), I awoke at 8:00 am, thought that it was too early, despite not being tired, so I waited half an hour, then got up and got ready. I worked on helping Hiro to say the word "really" instead of saying "wee'wree". Then I was off to learn about small groups, and learn that I was apparently leading a junior high small group with Shayna and Kirk. I've been wanting to hang out with Shayna. Maybe her smarts from being 4th in her class at Rockwall High will rub off on me. Next was the SL meeting, followed by the SL lunch, which was held at the Meisters' own apartment. I'm working on getting to know these younger SLs. There are a bunch of new recruits, and they're all excited about Frank Peretti (that's likely to be a typo) and the movies based on his books. There's one movie that they talked about called "Bells of Innocence", and when they talked about it, I informed them that I have several roles in that movie, and they were amazed. I felt quite impressive too. Oh my, I flatter myself so!

These Afflictions Eclisped by Glory

Tuesday, I tried to wake up for Early Morning Prayer, but wasn't trying hard enough, so I just went to school, but had no electives, so it was short, and I went home and napped. At 8:30, my mom woke me up to get me to deliver a bed to the Nickels house. I was still dead tired, though, and it showed. Then we went to Wal*Mart to get some school supplies, and Mr. Harber was there too. He introduced us to his granddaughter, who's living with him due to family trouble. I also saw Chad Rush over there, and, not having the supplies I needed, we went over to Office Max, where I got some notebooks (which our school is supposed to provide, but they're funny about not buying things). That night, I got upset at God for allowing me to be so confused on whether I was hearing His voice or not, so I told Him to tell me what college to go to through a prophet or something, 'cause I was tired of all of it.
Wednesday, I got to school later than usual (like 8:00, which is early for anyone else). School flew by sluggishly, like most slimy things that were never meant to soar. I went home, had time to shower and talk to Katie for a few minutes on Facebook, then went to church. During worship, "How He Loves" was playing, and it got to the part that says "these afflictions eclipsed by glory", and I kinda accepted God's eclipse. I've got all these things I'm troubled with, but for now I need to let God eclipse it all. That night, I talked to Alyssa Sortino, whom I barely ever get to talk to anymore, even though she was pretty much my favorite intern during The Core. Since she's as random (or probably more random) than I, the conversation was definitely enjoyable. Unfortunately, it was after this conversation that I began working on homework.
Thursday (that's today), I woke up from where I had fallen asleep trying to do my work, and took off for school. In Mr. Beaumont's class, as he was talking and looking straight at me, and I at him, I started to fall asleep. My head drooped a little bit, so it turned into kind of a swing to the side. I was dead tired throughout my classes. Sydney and I exchanged compliments on perfumes and colognes. That was mighty pleasant. This afternoon, I napped.