So Too Good Week

This week has felt ever so good. Exhausting, but good (which is how I like it). I think I might have a real shot at getting into the Talent Show. After today's choreographing session with my friend Tim Nickelson, I've got the first two verses and first chorus figured out. I just need to figure out how many counts I need to do a few more fancy contortionist moves and end it, then cut the music accordingly.

Also, I learned a lot about the song "Symphonies" by Dan Black. Assuming I'm translating its meaning correctly, it's about breaking out of the mundane, not settling for apathy or the average. "Gimme, gimme symphonies. Give me more than the life I see." Kinda like what I'm aiming for. It's also probably the best overly-studio-produced sound I've heard in a song. He's obviously a lil' autotuned, but it fits the song.

Thanks to working out and eating well all week, I finally broke 130 pounds. I have the fastest metabolism in the West, so that's a big deal. I don't think I've ever been over 128, and I found myself at 132 the other day.

I need to remember to make time for people this week. People are worth getting to know.

Workout Woes

Problems I've encountered from working out. I wouldn't bother reading if I were you.

Well, working out feels good and everything, but every time I do it, then shower and eat, I'm so exhausted ('cause I'm also sleep-deprived) that I collapse asleep and don't wake up till 11 PM-ish. And that's when I have to take time to wake up, then try to do homework, and then try to get back to sleep in time to feel well-rested for the morning. For example, right now it's 2:30 AM, and I'm having to try to finish Monday's Organic Chemistry homework, not to mention tomorrow's Physics (but I'll probably do that tomorrow).

Meanwhile, the main reason I'm working out (to pop, lock, and drop into the Talent Show with some dance moves) is kinda getting lost in the midst. I'm not actually practicing dancing so much 'cause I'm too busy working out.

But I do love feeling sore. Being so hypermobile jointed (double-jointed), I don't always know how to stretch all the muscles I need to, so them being in pain helps me to know when I hit the spot.

Contortionist Popper One-Man Show

I spent all day thinking that the Talent Show auditions were this Tuesday (the day after tomorrow). Turns out that they're a week later than that. I'm thinking I might be a one-man show. I have time to put a routine together now. The really good thing is, once I have a routine together, I can continue to use it in the mission field for street ministry. That's the best way I know to reel people in, besides giving away money.

Now I've got a list of dance moves and a week to put them together. My friend who helped me choreograph stuff for my mission trip to the Philippines last summer, is in town, so I'm pretty excited to have his help in putting the different dance moves together.

Both spiritually and physically, I am a contortionist. I see things in a different and creative manner, and my body contorts similarly.

After Five Semesters of Undergraduate Study

I think it's about time I started to drink coffee to help me in the morning. Otherwise, I have no idea what my Organic Chemistry professor is saying for the first half of the class.

How Are You (And Why)

People have been asking me "How are you?" lately, and though it's just a 'dupid American greeting, I try to take it as a literal question. And lately, I've been answering "Good" and then said that this is looking to be my best semester at JBU.

And then they ask why. And I think to myself, "I'm not exactly sure." The important thing to me is that though feelings are fickle, my feelings are finally lining up with what God has called me to. I feel good about school, about the people here, and about what I'll be doing in the future.

Even if medical schools don't want me at first, I think I can kick rear at research in grad school (which might play a part in fulfilling ye olde prophecy from 12-years-old) to help me get in. I do not have the minimum grades in either General Chemistry or Organic Chemistry; I just passed them.

I'm also feeling pretty financially okay. The pops gave me a budget for the semester that should be plenty for me to save a lot of for traveling Europe after Uganda (and for buying Cadbury chocolate, of course). Not to mention that since I did nothing over the break, I didn't have a chance to spend money, so Christmas money and last semester's mascot funds are all being saved. AND I have a pile of books I never sold back to the school, so that should give me a few bucks.

And I got my car back. McBriddle is the greatest.

Can't Comprehend

When there's talk about all the poor people in other countries or the sex-slave industry, I kinda tend to tune it out a lil'. It's not 'cause I don't care, necessarily; it's 'cause I can't do all that much about it. In fact, until I do missionary work, I feel like a quickly evaporating drop in the bucket.

But there was that moment when I got to meet the Kenyan boy our sunday school had supported. He was too cool for us, but it was still pretty mind-blowing. And though you hear about people whose only possession is a ramshackle house made of tin, it's hard to grasp that it's all they have. Like, even when you're looking at it, walking through it, it's not something you can really take in. I have my iPhone, my Macbook Pro, my multitude of odd collections at home, my clothes, and the 'dupid things I buy simply because I think they're strange. I mean, some people don't have access to clean drinking water. I know people who refuse even to drink from tap.

It's too much for me to comprehend. I'm just hoping that someday, when I'm living in another country and working as a doctor to do everything I can to help the native people, I'll somehow be able to swallow exactly what it means to have very little, and to help everyone around me to have similarly little (which will be a lot for them).

Oh, That's What That Is

That experience a few weeks ago with the homeless man in Dallas has kinda been on my mind since it happened. It's not like it's the first time I've talked to a homeless man, but I really began to think of what it means to see people, to care about them enough to meet their needs, even if that need is just to be listened to.

Our chapel speaker this week lived as a homeless guy in a bunch of major cities for five months. He just took some time off from college and then went right back to it afterwards. He talked about how people work at not seeing you, and how Christians are no exception.

And then tonight, we had a Men's Rally where we discussed what it means to walk with each other in Christ. And that homeless guy talk kinda got me thinking about how to do it right. The biggest thing isn't just going out and helping people; it's going out and caring about the people, and that being the driving force behind what you're doing.

I guess that's what compassion is. I never really had a clear understanding of it till now.

I sometimes feel like I used to talk to people mostly for the sake of learning about myself. Probably the most selfish thing, I know. But I didn't even see how selfish it was until I made a point to sit down with people and hear their life stories, and I learned that despite what I had thought, I was not the most interesting person in the world. Everyone is. Each person has their quirks, their deep desires, their crazy family, and each person has their own story of how they learned to own these characteristics. In fact, the only thing I've come across as a pure waste of information from getting to know someone is when they talk about how uninteresting or unexciting their life is. And then they prove themselves wrong. Every time.

Intimidating Ugandan Mission Trip

Never have I been so apprehensive about a mission trip before. Every trip I've been on has been challenging and exhausting, but never really got to me. But after we had a meeting about our Uganda trip tonight, and then talking to a friend who went two years ago, I'm pretty intimidated.

He told me a few stories that blow my mind. We are pre-med students with a liberal arts education. We haven't actually been trained in anything pre-med. But in these Ugandan hospitals, they may, as they did with my friend, hand me a blade as a woman is giving birth and ask me if I want to trim away at her vagina so the baby can get through. The surgeon's assistant might be sick, so I may be asked to stand in and help with a surgery. I might be asked to take blood.

With past trips, the scariest question was, "What if you get out of the van and a demon manifests in someone right in front of you? What do you do?" With this trip, I won't only be dealing with that, but also that a doctor will have me, well, cut into someone. And to be honest, I'm a good lil' Christian who doesn't often look when confronted with private parts, so as simple and small a problem as that is, it is going to be a problem for me that I will have to get over (and I'll probably have to do so the first day).

It's just plain crazy, 'cause I have zero experience, so I'll have to learn quickly. And I'm told that I will learn quickly.

Good Start

Though I haven't had the chance to try out Radio Practicum, I've got a pretty good idea of how this semester is looking. Promising. That outlook was not inspired by Organic Chemistry, where I walked in the first day of the semester, out of breath from running (made it at 9 AM on the dot), and volunteered to pray (while still out of breath). I spent the next fifty minutes of the class clueless as to what the professor was talking about, because, naturally, we didn't get a review from last semester, and let's face it: a review wouldn't have helped anyway.

That outlook also didn't come from finding out that the very thing I was most hopeful about, hosting the Talent Show, was already promised to someone else, regardless of the months of brainstorming and writing that I had been doing since summer.

Nor did it come from Worship Ensemble class, where some of my most vocally (and other-musically) talented friends audition perfectly, whereas my voice gave out a few times because stage fright hit me the moment the professor mentioned the word "audition."

No, it came from God. Granted, I know that I began last semester similarly hopeful but managed to crap it up anyway. But I refuse to let my past own me like too-big-a-dog on a leash, dragging me around every time something curious pops up. No, my past is totes gonna play fetch and roll over and such, and it won't need a leash.

'Cause here's the thing. God told me I'm gonna make it to medical school. All I've got to do is work as hard as I can (and do terrible regardless), make Him look good while I look crappy, and focus on the hope He has for me.

Also, I'm excited 'cause I have tickets to see fun. in concert on March 23 in Dallas, and Snow Patrol on May 16 in Dallas.

Also, haircut, coffee with Allison Harper (one of those talented friends from Worship Ensemble), and worship are planned for tomorrow.

Crap, now my blog looks boring to me. I'll try to talk about God in a more interesting way next time, 'cause I can't stand super-Christian bloggers (bloggees, bloggettes?).

Missionary Mindset

There are a few things that come to mind for me remind myself when I'm starting out a new year or semester, or any new part of life really.

One of them is this thought that comes to me when I think a friend is not particularly wanting to reconnect our friendship. I think to myself, "If they aren't going to put in the effort, I'm sure not going to." But I correct myself, because if there's one thing I know, it's that I'm not entitled to anything. Relationships can be fickle, but if I hold up my end, that's what matters, and if they blow me off, that's a downer for them.

Another springs up when I start to see school and my spiritual life as an uphill challenge. Then I begin to think to myself, "Just think of it as a mission trip" because I'm always a hard worker on such occasions. But so far, those have been just that. Occasions. Keeping a missionary mindset for an entire semester sounds like the most difficult thing imaginable. Working hard, being ready and willing at all times for whatever may be needed, and being encouraging and enthusiastic throughout. I don't think I could keep that up for longer than the 2- or 3-week increments I've done in the past. In fact, I got sick halfway through when I did that.

They say that as a Christian, wherever you are should be your mission field. That sounds like a good way to get exhausted and burned out. But then again, I do miss that feeling too.

Heinous

I just received some crippling news. They already picked the hosts for this year's Talent Show. They had held auditions in the past, but this time they just picked people. I've been planning it since summer. What a let-down.

That just means I have to be a talent. I'm thinking I'll join a dance crew. I JUST NEED ME SOME SPOTLIGHT OR I JUST MIGHT DIE!

Looking Forward

I leave for school tomorrow. I kinda don't know how to think about it. Dr. Inzer gave me some encouraging points about how to get into medical school, but I still have to face this semester. I have the second semesters of both Physics and Organic Chemistry, the former of which is easy, the latter of which (for me at least) is incredibly difficult. Fortunately, I also get to try something new this semester in the form of my "fun class", Radio Practicum. Until I was on the radio in the Philippines this summer, I hadn't given any thought to talking on the radio, but now I'm curious enough to want to learn about it.

I'm also really wanting to host the talent show. I still have yet to find a co-host (the ideal one doesn't want to), so I'm just hoping it doesn't fall through.

I'm hoping to get coffee and have real conversations with people. It's something about experiencing the fall semester and then realizing over break how many people you should have gotten to know better. Whatever the reason, I hope to get bonding time with friends and perhaps some soon-to-be-friends.

I'm hoping to get onto a good schedule. I liked my sleeping schedule this week. I got up at a decent time and would be busy all day. Granted, I felt the need for Starbucks because I also stayed up till 2 AM, but I still developed an appreciation for waking up earlier.

Since I'm going on a mission trip to Uganda this summer through JBU, I get to be an active part of the preparation all throughout (unlike the trip to the Philippines, where I only had two and a half weeks to prepare). We have meetings every other week, so I'm finally going to have that accountability that I so love. And working in a Ugandan hospital is going to test me. A lot.

I'm also really looking forward to what I'll be doing immediately after the trip to Africa. I will travel to Europe for a week or so, though I haven't decided where. One very hopeful possibility is Hamburg, Germany, where Snow Patrol will be playing a concert.  If that happens, I will be seeing my two favorite bands in concert in the same year (I'll be seeing fun. during spring break), making Snow Patrol the third concert I've ever been to (I went to one Showbread concert in high school for a friend's birthday, where I moshed the night away). However, it is unlikely that I will see that Snow Patrol show, since the tickets go on sale Friday, and I would like to make sure I'll be in the country before I buy a ticket, and those tickets sell out quickly.

Anyway, I'm up too late and have to drive my sister to school in four hours. I'm hopeful for this semester.

What's The Difference?

Last night, I had to stop for gas at a janky gas station on the way home from Dallas at 2 AM. The moment I got out of the car, a man approached me asking for money to help him get back to Rockwall (or so he said). He was the second man that night to approach me to ask me for money, and I honestly don't blame them. I feel like I just have a naive and innocent face the moment a stranger approaches me. I love giving when I can spare it, but I also know that when people ask for money like this, it's usually for drugs and alcohol, and not for bettering their situation. However, I don't keep a crate of Vienna sausages in my car like my mom did for the homeless people in Los Angeles, so I continue to be at a loss when wondering how I can help people and avoid getting conned.

It got me to thinking about the mission trips I've been on. On trips where we returned to places we had previously ministered to, you can either do what you're there for and help the local church, or you can criticize the people who manage to make little to no progress in between your visits. A musician goes to Africa to donate guitars and teach how to use them, then comes back a year later to find that no one has practiced. When you aren't the one in charge of the ministry, you are submitting to the one in charge.

There was a girl in our youth group years ago who would go to every youth retreat and youth camp, get demons cast out of her, and come back testifying to how great God is. But she never dealt with her issues, and as Matthew 12:43-45 tells us, that's a good way to invite a lot more demons worse than what she had before. And now a friend of mine is doing something very similar (though I don't think she's possessed), not getting past the issues she's been having for years.

And those got me thinking, what makes me so different from them? Why can I manage to take what I've been given and do something while they keep getting stuck in the same problems? I'm not smarter or more talented than any of these people, nor am I devoid of big issues to deal with. Granted, it sometimes takes awhile, but I always give it to God. It's not like it's easy, either. I have to give it to God, 'cause if I keep crap to myself, I'm having to deal with it on my own, and I'm not up to the challenge.

I just feel like for some reason, God was able to pump me full of this knowledge that I'm crap without Him, but He makes beautiful things (even out of crap). I don't know why some people can't get over their issues, 'cause I know that the only reason I get over mine is because I want to get rid of the junk in me that's holding me back. And I'm willing.

A Well-Rounded Day

Today, I had a dentist appointment, then met with my youth pastor for coffee, and (immediately after) went to Starbucks (a different one) to meet Dr. Inzer, who is in charge of the OB/GYN (lady parts) residency program at Baylor (and also happens to attend my church).

At the dentist, I asked about how my front teeth seemed to have a layer of rough plaque-gathering material, and I found out that it was from a filling from my last appointment (like seven years ago). So he basically sanded down my front teeth till they looked great. Also, I'm apparently a pro at dental hygiene (hear that, ladies?).

My youth pastor and I talked, but it was mostly me telling him what God has told me about my calling, about habits during the semester, and the stuff He has for this new semester. And I expressed my annoyance with God speaking so clearly to me (something I used to beg for), 'cause He tells me outright how crappy things are going to be, and why, and it makes sense, but it's still really hard. Abraham knew.

And then I talked with Doctor Inzer. It made me feel infinitely better about my situation. I happen to be in the state that will give me the easiest chance for medical school, and there are apparently a lot of options for me. Like, even osteopathy, which some have recommended that I go into, can apparently still lead me to the very same residencies I'd want if I went to medical school, and it's easier to get into. And on top of helpful tips like that, he told me he'd read over my personal statement (which can really do a lot to get you into med school), and he has to go through hundreds of such personal statements often with residency applicants.

So now my teeth are shiny, I'm good with God, and I have a real shot at medical school. Or, at least, I will after I do everything I need to do.

Hack Yo Own A'Count

It's official. If you make a fake Twitter account or pretend to hack your own Facebook, it's WAY more fun. Either that or I have too many rules for myself when I use any social network.

The New Year

You know, it may just be a calendar year, the number of days that best fits with how long it takes the earth to make a full revolution around the sun, but there's something about the new year. It's not even that there's a new semester coming up, 'cause that happens in the fall and it's not the same. Christmas Break gives enough time and, well, Christmas and New Years traditions, that it forces you to think, and to rethink.

I wasn't happy with the way last semester went down. I disappointed myself, which is hard for me to do. I was also a bit of a jerk to God quite a few times, and He let me know how He felt about it.

But despite what happened last semester, last year, or even the 21 years before that, I'm here now and I'm willing, and I'm pretty excited to be well-rounded again, instead of trying to make my advisors happy. Of course I'll be doing my best to excel in my classes, but I'm also not going to disregard the chances to perform, act, and model, which are the things that I tend to remember most about school at the end of the semester anyway.

Now I just need to find a dancing coach so I can be a one-man popper for the Talent Show (along with hosting it).