Oh the Pilots

I have not heard back about that commercial, so I presumably did not book it. But I did finally get the shoot date for this pilot, so I am booked on September 11, and then who knows. And until then, who knows.

I had not looked at the pilot I wrote since February, but these six months later, I finally remembered parts of it that I liked, so I opened it up. And I was pleasantly surprised by parts that made me laugh. It has giant issues, but maybe there is something there.

We may be three weeks from filming this pilot (that I did not write), but we are six months from SXSW, which is the event that they are targeting for publicity with it. And I guess for the tv pilot competition? I had never heard of such a thing before, but with the writers and actors strikes going on, I imagine that that is one of the few avenues available to shop a pilot to, apart from international markets, which the director brought up as another possibility. He said that it could be big... But I cannot be sitting on that for six months. I need to keep working, keep applying, and, hopefully, keep writing. I mean, what if we make this show and this small studio suddenly has money to make other shows? And then I have this idea for a tv show, and a script written for it?

It's Not Real Until It's Real

In my history class in like 7th or 8th grade, the history teacher made an exception for me. We would start the day with a quiz, and I would lament aloud about how I was going to fail it. Then I would get a perfect (or near perfect) score. The same would happen with major exams. The teacher said that she normally stopped students from speaking so negatively about themselves, but my performance clearly belied my own words.

Had she not mentioned this, I would have dismissed my words and actions as just a dumb bit. But looking back, I wonder if this is reflective of the attitude I have toward any acting role. When I auditioned for that pilot, I spent the two days between the audition and booking the role trying to convince myself that I had not booked it. And yesterday's commercial callback has me thinking that I just need to assume, once again, that I did not get the role. After all, I have auditioned for roles that allow me to show much more personality and acting range. This one is just facial reactions, eyes and eyebrows. And there were like six other people in the virtual waiting room for the audition. But if I book it, that would pay for the past few months of no work, and I would get a haircut, and a visit to Austin. But on the other hand, I could find out at any moment that I did not book it. So best to assume that I did not get it, and the real victory is that this casting agency now knows about me. Nothing is real until you are shooting it, and even then, the "real" part is the fun of being on set, and getting paid. What you shoot may never see the light of day.

What has been stuck in my head lately is what the director of this pilot said over zoom a few weeks ago. We discussed some of the technical aspects, that it would be a single-cam situation, and I noted that yes, that is all I have done in the past. And at some point, he referenced that I was plenty experienced for what we were doing. Which is is a point of validation that I had not given myself, in large part because I was 12 when I did most of what I have done. My mom always said that my festival win was the biggest brag, and it certainly deserves notoriety, but the feature film was the collaborative project in which I worked with a full cast and crew as the on-screen talent. Unlike my short film, that is the kind of process that required lots of planning and would have impacted the livelihoods of a lot of people had something gone very wrong.

Feelings, Dubs, Callback, All Out of Season

I went to see the Barbie movie yesterday. For budgetary reasons, I only see so many movies in theaters, but I think that every single one I have seen since I have allowed myself to get back into acting has made me cry. For years in medicine, I did not allow myself to feel too strongly. I remember a friend of mine saying that it is important to feel. And I corrected her, saying that I have tried feeling in medicine, and I could not study anywhere near as efficiently when I did so. I needed emotional distance to increase my proficiency, so now I am experiencing something of an inverse, where I need to tap into and explore the feelings of characters. And it is a relief.

Yesterday, I did another foreign movie dub (normal speaking voice as the lead for three movies), and I just got a callback for a Google Android commercial. I want so badly to keep busy, so I keep uploading little videos that I could swear should go viral, just based on how impressive it is to people when they see me. Like, at that table read, the director pimped me out like I was a secret weapon to do those contortionist moves. A short horror I was in has forbidden me from promoting it simply because who I am will give away the game.

I have to hope that it is all about remaining consistent, in season and out of season. Last night, I dreamed that I was collaborating with some comedian with a musical background, and we were working on some guitar riffs, and I was actively regretting all this down time in which I was not practicing guitar. I was slow and second guessing myself on the G7 chord.

Table Read

First table read of my life went well! I had read online that you can be recast even if you make it that far, and I therefore had a bit of anxiety over it. And my scene was read last, so that gave me time to have ups and downs in my confidence levels, but when my time finally came, it felt right and familiar during the delivery. And the writing and delivery created enough of a tone that it was getting reactions from my scene partners, which was not necessairly the case for much of the rest of it.

I am NDA'd out of revealing contents, even semi-anonymously on this blog that people do not read, but one thing I think I can share is that they have a 16-episode first season planned and scripted. And they have rewritten my role a little to be more specific to me.

They talked about going to SXSW next year, which now sounds far more realistic. So of course, that concept has me thinking of scenarios like "oh, we need to keep an audience entertained for a couple minutes while we work out technical issues" and then have some cast members perform a few of my one-liners.

I just love having something to aim at, to write toward. And when I do not have that, I do not know what to do with myself. Keep writing and editing jokes, keep auditioning for projects, keep submitting for auditions...

That being said, at least I can daydream about this show being a hit, even a niche one, about doing press for it, about both the glitz and, dare I say it, the glamour of promoting it. Every time I see videos of celebrities doing an exhausting amount of press interviews,  I now think of what jokes I could write and improvise specific to that situation.

Itch Scratched

Oh to have that itch scratched! Being on set again was so good. Did I get paid? No. Did they make excuses for some continuity errors in such a way that made me lose respect for them as filmmakers? Of course. But my contortionist moves were on full display to such an extent that I felt great about it, even after the hour and a half of makeup. 

I had also been insecure about my physical fitness, but with my shirt open for the entirety of the production and seeing a couple videos behind the scenes, it appears that I do, in fact, look pretty good. Makeup on my abs may have helped a little, but still. And I was quite sore the day after we wrappped.

Table read for that pilot is on Saturday, but then I have no more acting gigs, though that could always change if I book any of the two auditions I need to tape before the weekend.

My podcast sponsor renewed us for another three months, and our group is meeting at the end of the month to try to write and maybe film sketches. So that should help a little.

Wahhhhhiiiiinnniiiinnngggg

I talked to the writer and director of the upcoming pilot today. I asked about his one word change for my character, from "lean" to "weasel-like", and he assured me that it was not based on my performance. I let him know that I had been watching weasel documentaries since, and he explained a little further what he meant. And made a similar animal comparison to another character with which I was familiar. They have posted our photos and names on social media in their announcement of the cast, as did the director of the short film we are shooting this weekend. I finally get to be on set tomorrow! Which leaves the rest of today to go to the gym and then debate how much to study the script, since I only have a few lines, but will likely just be focused on physicality.

That will make two pilots and one music video this year. I need to get more work. And that is why I am taking real action by whining about it here. But really, maybe I just need to make myself go to the local open mics, just to be seen, to be doing something, and try to network. Open mics are just so depressing.

The director of this pilot said that he is working on making his own indie streaming service that allows for easier monetization compared to the bigger streamers like youtube. So there is that, along with Roku, and in January, he mentioned an event at which he could shop it around to some international distributors. After he explained it, he ended by saying that it could go big. And it is something of an ensemble cast, so it will be nice to see how everyone plays it out.

Upcoming But Not Enough Work

I need work. I am a few days from my next gig, but I do not even know if it pays. Maybe I need to try to write a short film that only has me in it, something I can shoot on my own. Or just edit the little footage I have into an acting reel. But I really do not think that I have enough for that, hence the urge to make my own something.

I mean, I have one solid 30 second comedic commercial ad. And one comedic scene in which I am overacting, along with another short one in which I make a brief appearance with lines that I improvised. And of course, the music video in which I alternate between just dancing while decorating and then dismembering a dead body. Even the short film I have coming out soon only features me doing contortionist moves, not really acting, apart from the last jump moment. This short film in five days should add something to my, I guess, contortionist creature reel. And then the show should have some actual bona fide dramatic acting.

I am still working on standup here and there, still impressing a few folks with my one-liners, but I still dread the idea of working my way up through the standup comedy scene. What I want to do is to keep acting and punching up scripts, and develop some degree of notoriety through that until I can bust out into the standup scene with a degree of fame already in place. But so far, every approach that I have had has been slow. Maybe with an agent, or if this short film hits festivals so I can do some networking, or maybe there is some other connection into which I have yet to tap.

I recognize that there are a gajillion actors who want to make it, but I do have a decent resume, and am a contortionist, and am a medical doctor, and I write standup. I can write. I collaborate. When I see a script, I tend to have well-received notes to improve it. But talent is not the only step involved in making it.