My Uncomfortable Black Friday

My Black Friday was cray-cray. It began with Thanksgiving 2 (with dad and family, since Thanksgiving with mom and her boyfriend was on the real day), after which I went bowling with my sister and her boyfriend. Then we proceeded to go to a bar for dinner and drinks, and were there for some time. Then, after going to a few places, we ended up going to BBC, which, in addition to being the British Broadcasting Corporation, is also a terrible bar. I danced some there and tried a Fireball, which is a shot that tastes like the cinnamon challenge, but because I drink shots like I do any other drink, it lasted a long time.

Then the night took a turn for the crazier. I went with two of my brother's friends to Addison, where we went to a strip club, which was uncomfortable. One of the friends thought it was too crappy a club, so we left and went to another one where her friend was a dj. At this one, I was given a bottle of water and a pill. I put the pill in my pocket because I love my body and don't want that in me, but drank the water. We arrived at this strip club at around 4 AM, so I was pretty much dead, which became obvious when I was kicked out of the club an hour later when the bouncer caught me sleeping for the third time. So I proceeded to sleep in my brother's friend's car until we left sometime after dawn, and I slept in his bed.

Then at noon, when I awoke, my brother's friend was unable to do much due to all that he ingested the night before, so I had to call up my brother and have him pick me up.

And that's why I'm gonna watch out when I hang out with them from now on, and hopefully never have the privilege of attending such parties ever again. Strip clubs are no place for yours truly, I don't do drugs, and I don't wanna be out past 2 AM while I have to stay on a work schedule.

Unknown Sacrifices

The life I've chosen has sacrifices I don't tend to realize. I often view people and relationships as a chore, which is stupid, 'cause it's like viewing working out or showering in the same manner. After putting time into any of the aforementioned activities, you tend to improve. Whether it's improving your hygiene, body, or self as a person, the time is invested, not lost. The past few months, I've invested far more time in patients than in friendships, simply because that's my job. And I'd become content with that to some extent. But then I got to see so many friends at that wedding and I realized just what I've been sacrificing. It's like a whole part of me had become dormant and was reawoken when I saw them, and every moment was like precious drops, none of it a waste whatsoever.

Another part of me lay dormant as well. There's this cultured aspect that's just longing, longing to go somewhere away from here and just take things as they come. To write and sketch in journals, to visit museums, to sit in coffeeshops and read/write, to hitchhike, to meet new people, to work for an afternoon to earn a bed for the night, to reflect on myself and who I have become and whether that is who I want to be or if I need to work on things before my personality becomes set in stone in the next few years, to lay back on the beach without worries, and if it's remotely practical, to also fall in love. But all of the former are much more likely and possible sooner, methinks.

Hopefully these few days off for Thanksgiving will help me reconnect with those I should reconnect with and perhaps put some of my longings at bay.

Distance To Grow

I went to the wedding of some wonderful friends and many of my closest Arkansas friends were there as well. I drank far too much and was a lil' sickly the next day #Christian, but that's beside the point. One thing that came up was the fact that most of my friends who hadn't graduated are finally doing so next month, and they are realizing the weight of it. This naturally reminded me of the weight of my upcoming likely decision to attend medical school in the Caribbean for two years. I don't see good friends very often, but when I do, it's everything. And I'll be leaving it all. Unlike with studying abroad or living out of state, I don't know how often I'll be able to visit. Plane tickets aren't cheap and med school students don't have the time to spare anyway.

The friend who was emphasizing this the most, Tara, apologized to me as soon as she saw me this weekend, because she has been too busy for friends, but got upset with me my last semester or two for doing the same thing. It stanks, 'cause I wish that I could have spent more time with everyone, but I know that it wasn't right for me to do, that I did what was necessary to make a better future me.

It's weird, 'cause I'm not as cultured or creative or well-rounded as I'd like to be at the moment, yet I also feel like I've had the best character for the past few months. Work has been tough at times (though fine now), but I pushed through all of it.

However, I still often long to escape. I want to take a road I don't know while driving home and just go, even for just a little while. But then I think of how I have to get up so early to make the hour and a half commute the next day, and I decide to just take the normal route. And the only reason I even feel so obligated to make it to work on time is because there are patients depending on me. And I know that I'm the person people will want to work with because I work well, and I shouldn't squander excellence when I have the potential to let it benefit others.

Oh, and I have a med school interview in a week with Ross University School of Medicine. It's one of the Big Four in the Caribbean.

Potes-tubblez

http://thescrubba.com/collections/all/products/scrubba-wash-bag-2013-usd

I wanted to post this here so I'd remember it later. Just a portable washing machine for traveling.

First Acceptance

I'm officially accepted into the Medical University of the Americas. I have a month to decide whether I'll actually attend. As of yesterday, I have sent out the last of the Caribbean school applications, including three recommendation letters. I will hopefully hear back by next week from those. Work is still exhausting, kinda more annoying now because the MAs who are still learning think they know everything, yet cannot manage to work a porcuter. One of them also disagrees in how to approach patient interaction, being less professional in the name of friendliness. And I'm just wanting to say "Shut yourself. There's a reason why patients request me by name." but instead I make some lil' joke and try to get work done because I have to do more to make up for their mistakes.

I hope I have time to dream of travel tonight.

So Much

Work is crazy. I've gone from working part-time to full time, working the jobs of 2-3 people, and training medical assistants throughout.
I'm not usually one who is prone to anger, but I was pissed today, and it briefly showed while I was at work. Fortunately, I'm as passive aggressive as they come, and the target of that anger (the MA who's been training for the past week and a half) was not there. She was put in charge of checking voicemails and making sure we followed up with every patient who calls. I received a call yesterday from a patient's family, and was chewed out first by a brother-in-law, then by the sister, for not following up on a voicemail left the day before. When I asked the MA who checked those voicemails whether there had been a message regarding this patient, she said there had been none, that she took notes on everything. But when the other MA trainee was going through the messages this afternoon, that voicemail was there. And I wrote a strongly worded message to the MA responsible because I HATE the idea that a patient was the object of neglect because someone was too determined to clock out at 4 PM. These are real people and medicine should be held to a standard of excellence.
Anyway, we have job training tomorrow at 8 AM, which is an hour earlier than usual for me, and on a Saturday, which is another new one.

I also had that med school interview for the second-tier med school yesterday. And I was awesome. I've had so much clinical experience with this neurologist that it was the easiest thing to pull examples to answer their questions. And I also found out the secret to the "greatest weakness" question: I never learned a foreign language. By far the best thing to say (unless you're smarter and have learned another language). It was a 45 minute interview, and at the end of it, the lady said that she will highly recommend me to the admissions committee when they convene on Tuesday (or possibly Thursday), so I should hear before the end of next week.

I've thought of asking for a raise at my job. Not because I particularly need one, but because I'm doing SO much work and working full-time besides. But I talked to my dad about it and he recommended following my grandpa's example of submitting it to The Lord in prayer and letting it be His problem. And I need to do that with the MA's mistake as well.

I just really miss spare time, rest, a regular workout schedule, and having a clean house. And a host of other things, but those ones are within the realm of possibility when I go part-time.

For The Time Being

I've found in the past few months that rather than needing to write my thoughts out, I tell them to people. This was more difficult during school because it's so difficult to make time for people, and for them to make time for you. Now though, I am close to my family. I see my parents and siblings at least once a month. I see my grandparents every Sunday as well. I'm closer to all of them than I've ever really been and I tend to talk everything out.

I haven't received any interview invitations except from subpar medical schools, so it's becoming time to make plans for the worst. I have a phone interview Thursday for one such school, but it's difficult to judge how good of a school it is. It's apparently in good standing as a 2nd tier Caribbean school, but I don't really understand what that means. Unless God directs me otherwise, I'm probably going to go to any med school of remotely high standards, 'cause a longer wait would suck.

In any case, my plans for vacation begin with a mission trip to Belarus in March, then flying out from there to London (or Paris, maybe), and just backpacking around. Worst case scenario (well, not the WORST case scenario), I'll have to be back in the States to start school on May 27. Best case, I come back when I go on a mission trip to South America in July. Then probably go to med school SOMEwhere right after.

First Official Rejection

Got my first medical school rejection. Saba University is a no-go, which doesn't bode well for me, since it has the lowest standards of legitimate medical schools in the Caribbean. However, my personal statement had to be greatly shortened for them, so there's still hope for other schools.

But realistically speaking, I'm really not likely to get into medical school this time around. This means that, realistically, I need to start looking at grad schools to boost my GPA. It also means that in the meantime, it won't matter what I do with my time.

Since my supervisor just quit, I am having to do her work as well as mine, not to mention train the new medical assistant. But come December, I'm likely to let them know that I'm quitting, and officially turning in my two weeks notice in mid-December. But that is only if I have a fair level of assurance that medical schools will not accept me.

There's a medical science masters program that will start in late May of next year and finish the following year, so that's probably my next best bet.