A Wee Edinburghian Update

I haven't been writing all that much, at least not on here. I didn't feel quite right, since I hadn't really been living life for the past...ummm...since I graduated last May. I did hop over to South America, but that was just a breath of fresh air in between taking the MCAT and starting work at the neurology clinic.

But I've sorta given up on the video editing I meant to do, which takes a weight off my shoulders. I've been budgeting well and am learning to pull a Paul and be content whether in plenty or in want. I've been exploring Edinburgh and enjoying the richness of the history and culture here. And the walking. And hiking to the top of the nearby extinct volcano to Arthur's Seat. Not only did I make that hike, but I feel particularly accomplished in having taken my Macbook and electronics with me. In order to avoid being a burden at all to hosts, I tend to keep everything I might need for the day on my person. To keep myself from spending money, I also haven't left with more than ten pounds on me. That's around $18. Unfortunately, despite attempts to avoid doing so, I tend to spend at least $12 a day even when trying to be very thrifty. And that's in addition to the granola bars I've been ingesting pretty constantly. I am on the verge of running out of these small snacks though, and will soon have to find more.

It's just starting to feel so right, my time in Europe. I'm starting to feel freedom and security in a way that I really hadn't when traveling in the past. One reason, I think, is that I've been trusting people far more than I was ever willing to before. I always keep an eye on my stuff, but not like I used to. I don't suspect every single person I meet to take advantage of me. They're people, and the vast majority are filled with good will towards other people. Hand you my phone to take a picture? What if this whole situation was just some ruse to steal my phone? Leave my bag with my GoPro sticking out while you take the picture? What if your offer was not one of kindness, but made to steal a $500 camera?

Here's the thing. I want to meet and understand people. Sometimes I don't think other people are particularly intriguing, but that is usually an opportunity for me to test myself in my ability to bring something more out of them through our interactions. This makes most every interaction worthwhile, because even if the other party seemingly communicates nothing of real worth to me, I can still derive something from my own reaction to that. I believe that people have more within them than they often know or realize. The problem is usually that they haven't yet figured that out or been told so.

I had a macchiato from Starbucks and my body doesn't know what to do with this much caffeine, so my fingers are on a writing spree.

Some Issues To Tackle

Can I take a moment?

I'm pissed that as a Christian form the States, particularly as one from the Bible belt, I cannot comfortably post pictures of myself drinking alcoholic beverages. I can't because I want to work in ministry and be accepted wherever I go. One beer, one glass of Scotch while in Scotland, and I often feel as if I could lose all credibility. Today, I hiked to the top of Arthur's Seat in Edinburgh and enjoyed the simple charity from a fellow hiker of sharing a 50 mL bottle of whiskey. It was cold and windy, but we had a spectacular view of Scotland and wished to celebrate it, and I dare say that it was the right and proper and quite possibly the Christian way to celebrate it.

Though I like to talk up my drinking habits, I mostly do so in jest. I will occasionally have too much to drink, but God gave me the gift of vomiting if I don't watch how I drink (hydration, food intake beforehand, etc.). I believe in moderation except for special occasions. The Bible talks about not putting people in authority who are given to drinking to excess, meaning that they only see alcohol as a reason to get drunk. The buzz is nice, but alcohol (beer, wine, cider, and spirits) is, for me, an important way to taste a culture. Sights, smell, taste, sounds, the feel of a place... But I can't share the picture of myself with a tiny bottle of whiskey at the top of an extinct volcano. Heck, I can't even say how old the volcano is or how the place came to be since it doesn't line up with a young earth creationist viewpoint.

I'm also very annoyed that, as a Christian from a conservative church, I cannot safely endorse wonderful works of literature such as Harry Potter. I have read books that were far worse in terms of morals that were still very good, and I can speak freely of those because they don't use the terms "wizards" or "witches".

Every kind and generous stranger I've met on this journey has so far not been a Christian. Because I drink and am a real person with struggles, I appear to be a Christian only in name. Because my community of Christians at home officially does not drink much, I come across as rebellious towards the norm. I feel like it hurts my witness, as if witnessing were not already difficult enough with my going out of my way to be respectful and honoring to my gracious hosts. After all, I'm not gonna throw down much conviction when I'm already being treated so kindly with nothing expected (or even accepted) in return.

An issue that's more loudly addressed is homosexuality. My view is that sexing of any kind outside of marriage is a no-no. Whether man and woman or woman and woman or man and man, it's adultery outside of marriage and therefore a sin. They can get married by the state or federal law, because there's a separation of church and state. No biggie. However, when it comes to getting married in the church, under God... Well, I don't really see God being a fan of that. Fortunately, my views end up not mattering at all, and why? Because I'm not the one judging hearts or souls or whatever else is weighed on the scales of God's justice. Jesus will be judging, and that's his territory. He can have it. In fact, if I try throwin' down judgment anywhere, I'm throwing myself into judgment. My job is to love the people throughout the process of their figuring it out and afterward that point as well. They can settle on being gay or not if they want. I mean, God might be cool with it and I could be misinterpreting Scripture. It wouldn't be the first time.

And Catholicism. Are they Christian or not? Well, they believe that Jesus died and rose again, right? Well, sounds like they're in the clear. They ask saints to intercede on their behalf with prayer? Well, that sounds kinda like communication with the dead, which is a bit of a gray area for me to approach. I'm no theologian, but I do recall, umm, Saul, I think it was. He tried to talk to someone who was dead, then Samuel got pissed at him for it. Makes Catholicism sound pretty iffy to me, but then again, who the hole am I to judge? Catholics believe in Jesus and his being raised from the dead, and my boss's family, also Catholic, bought my lunch and dinner and a tour of the Guinness Brewery in Dublin. So I'm leaning towards loving them and holding off on judgments because GUESS WHAT, IT'S STILL NOT MY JOB TO JUDGE.

And of course there are the Jewish people. Another gray area for Christians, right? 'Cause sure, they got the Gospel first, but lots of them didn't believe it. This strikes me as impressive because I don't really see God as someone who can be proven to exist except by the Old Testament, which just so happens to be what Jewish people believe in. But then in Romans 4 and 5 (and elsewhere too), Paul talks about how Abraham believed in the hope that was later to be revealed as Christ's death and resurrection. He believed in the same thing as we do, but he wasn't born at the right time to choose whether or not to believe in Jesus. Yet Abraham, the father of the Christian and Jewish faith, had righteousness credited to him simply because he believed in, well, the hope of the Messiah. Yeah, and Jewish people believe in that as well. And so do I. So I'm not really gonna throw down judgment on anyone 'cause it's not my job, but the Jewish people kinda sound like they could squeeze into heaven about as easily as Abraham did.

Christians can be wrong. On big issues. On small issues. But especially on small issues that we get all big and prideful about to the point that they're big issues.

To Share

My mind continues to feel empty. I see impressive things around me, appreciate it, and then it passes. It seems that I don’t know how to transition from not really living life to actually living it with this opportunity to be in Europe.

I guess what disappoints me isn’t what I see, but what I feel. In the past, when I’ve traveled to these beautiful places, I would become sad and lonely and consequently dream up a fantasy girl who could be with me in these places. It wasn’t some sexual thing or even just a desire for companionship in the more romantic places, though that latter one was a factor. The main thing is that I see a beautiful world and I just want to share it with someone. I’d like to share it with everyone, but particular someone I’m in tune with, whose views can harmonize with my own.

Four years ago, after my freshman year of college, I traveled some of the world. Though I wished to share all the sights with someone, the biggest desire was to share the little things. The quality of a cold drizzle in Belfast that somehow transformed from a considerable discomfort to an inseparable part of the place I was growing to love. The long walks through cobbled streets in London that got me lost until I stumbled onto markets with street performers.

Maybe my problem is that I’ve been getting caught up in the practical aspects of this trip. Budget has been a big factor. So has my desire to edit videos and blog and do writing work. Maybe what I should really do is just get up from this pub and walk and walk and walk until I come across something new or quirky or weird. And forget about everything else for a little bit.

People Amaze Me

I've been in Edinburgh since Sunday (it's now Wednesday afternoon). There is very little to complain about in my current world. I'm doing well with my budget. I'm CouchSurfing with a masseuse who is very generous and accommodating. I asked if I could stay a few extra days and he was very cool with it. I am usually out for most of the day anyway, so there doesn't tend to be a problem anyway.

My budget is $250/week, though I'd naturally rather spend less, since I'd like to live after Europe as well.

I'm amazed at how kind people are. It's a simple comfort that everyone seems to go out of their way to help you if you are kind and smiling with them. I kinda don't understand. I've been stuck in my own little world for so long, focusing on myself too much, and then I get to be just BLOWN AWAY when I throw in extra time to get to know people.

Our tour guide yesterday was from Prague. He was a poor student studying urban planning and I spent an extra few hours walking and talking with him after the tour. Three Harry Potter books were written in this city, and he knew little of the books, so I explained important references for his tour and convinced him to read them. He told me about Prague and Vienna and his love for travel and different ways to drink (he said the Scottish tend to drink like crazy, whereas the Czech are content with having a few pints and calling it a night).

Glasgow CouchSurfing

I finally used CouchSurfing.org and I am a fan. My last two meals were free, as was my bed (a mattress with my sleeping bag and also another human there). The downside/upside is that I met a dozen people that were drinking at my host's flat last night. It was nice to meet so many people of so many cultures at once, but the performer and the introvert in me both need their time. And that time isn't shared. 

Jamie Odom introduced me to some online writing work. I'm looking forward to using that more frequently. I don't think I can make money at the rate that I'm spending it, but hopefully I can at least help the hurt a lil'.

I'm hoping to go to Edinburgh tomorrow, though I'm still waiting for confirmation from a host. I've only gotten a "maybe". I'm welcome at the flat where I'm staying, but there are just so many people here. And of course, there's also the issue of not being able to get in/out as I'd like.

Leaving Belfast & Not Stressing

It's been a lovely few days in Belfast. This place is like a second home to me and has a way of taking me back to some roots I left off those four years ago when I first arrived the summer after my freshman year. Thanks to a dear friend, Jamie Odom, I remembered the value of sitting in a coffeeshop and just writing, thinking, and listening to music relevant to where you are. Victoria Square in Belfast just has an effect on me.

The security I was able to feel here was important for me, I think. I feel much more confident in the idea of travel and of finding a place to stay.

It is very easy to become stressed while traveling. After all, you are walking about with your current life strapped to or dangling from your shoulders and you are carrying a few pounds/euros in your pocket that you know you can't really afford to spend anyway.

I felt very assured that I would have a place to stay tonight, but then my potential couchsurfing host had to cancel because of family trouble. But even as I'm to leave a few minutes to a foreign city in a foreign country with little to no idea of where I'm going to stay, I know that I can still trust in God, and that stress remains the stupidest and most foolish of all possible feelings to take on. It does me absolutely no good and burns calories I can't afford to lose.

#livingongranolabars

The Finality Of Loneliness

When I parted ways with the mission team I traveled with to Belarus, it felt abrupt. We had just exited the shuttle taking us from the plane on the runway to the baggage claim area and I realized that connecting flights were in the opposite direction from where the team was going. We all hugged and I took the escalator up until the ten Americans (well, one Mexican) were out of sight. The finality of the loneliness I felt was unexpected, and it slammed into place like stone walls around me. Thoughts of "I'm the only person I know on this side of the world" kept bursting and reverberating in my skull, and it was all I could do to keep walking and begin searching for my terminal. This thought wasn't even accurate, as I had friends in Ireland and France, but a panicking mind skirts around such major details in the name of making a body unhappy.

I made it to my terminal alright. I made it from the airport to my B&B alright (though $41 lighter). I made it from there to the bus stop alright. And finally, I made it to Dublin to meet with the family of the doctor I work for. And in the midst of my panicking about not having a place to stay that night, with St Patty's Day driving prices to five or ten times what I would normally be paying, kind people made room in their home for me.

And now a couchsurfing host has replied to me, so I have places to stay in Glasgow (and Belfast, before I go on to Scotland). I may have a chance to meet some members of a band I fancy called The Youth And The Young as well.

All is well and I am excited for what The Lord has in store for me in the coming minutes, hours, days, weeks, and months.

First Few Days

I am sorry that I haven't been posting on here since I began my adventure. It's hard to believe that I've only arrived on Saturday night. I'm currently sitting in a room in a lovely Irish home where a family has taken me in for the past two nights. They have fed me as well, so my biggest recent expense was just bus fare and a pint of Guinness. I've truly been blessed here.

My first day here was Sunday. After a traditional Irish breakfast at the B&B where I stayed, I met up with the family of the doctor I work for. They paid for my meals and for my ticket to the Guinness brewery which, by the way, is a glorious place. There are free samples throughout the building, and it is a system that could be abused if you've a mind to. At the top, they pour you a pint and make a shamrock shape in the cream at the top.

Yesterday, I went to the local St Patrick's Day parade. There was free barbecue, as the local butcher had a pig on a spit that lasted the town through the afternoon. I took video for the family I stayed with, a small effort toward paying them back for their hospitality. I also visited the pubs later that night. They were sadly quite empty, since this area is mostly parents with small children, but I did manage to get a free pint for being Texan. The second pint at the next pub was full price though. Still delicious nonetheless.

I have so much that I'd like to see and do that I have little patience for writing or video editing. I know that I need to though. Hopefully I'll be able to stop myself when I get to Belfast.

March 14, 2014

Today, we held a leadership conference. Fortunately, I was not speaking at this event. Unfortunately, I continued to have my travel head cold, so I only stayed for some of the conference before taking a medicated nap.

After the conference, we all went to downtown Minsk to shop and eat. I bought nothing due to my love for thriftiness, the lack of desirable items, and the adventure that is to come tomorrow. However, I did partake of the food, and it was wondrous. Potato can be cooked, steamed, fried, and many other edible preparing verbs. I ingested many such verbed potatoes in ye olde Belarusian tradition. In the same tradition, I also stared at pretty girls, and they stared back, which in this country apparently equates to light flirting. That's been my style of flirting for eons, so I'm glad I'm not the only one.

March 13, 2014

Today, we went to a cancer hospital to bring comfort to patients there. My last experience as a missionary working in hospitals was in Uganda, so this was a big step up. These children and youths were actually receiving good treatment. The difficult part wasn't seeing their conditions (they mostly just looked bald but okay); rather, it was difficult for me to pray healing for them. I was the first one asked to pray, and the whole "by Your stripes we are healed" thing didn't seem to cut it. I know something of how cancer works, and it's difficult to imagine God just fixing it. But I suppose that that's why it's called faith. In any case, my first prayer for a sick child seemed lacking to me, though The Lord will use it as He wills. I NEED to have faith in God's healing power. I don't want to work alone in medicine, without The Lord blessing every bit of it. 

I have been congested all day. The medications will work for a short time, but they mostly just make me drowsy. I didn't realize that the steroid nasal spray I'm using isn't supposed to take effect for a week, so I have until Wednesday to expect real results there. 

We went to the English Speaking Club after the hospital. Despite being congested, I knew that I would likely be the center of attention because that tends to happen. I was right. When we broke into groups to discuss our dreams, I was fortunate enough to be grouped with the prettiest girls. Not that it matters...but I'm just sayin. 

On the morrow, we have a leadership conference. I was asked to speak a few weeks ago, but I don't know if that's changed at all. If I AM speaking, I have some work to do on my message to turn it into something for pastors and leaders. It might be intended for them, really. It seems like it would be. Still, to make the words matter to people, I have to include myself in the message, which is something I often refrain from doing. 

March 11, 2014

We're on our way to Mogilev here in Belarus. After seeing castles and things yesterday, I was surprised that their biggest attractions here were only 500 years old. One must wonder whether it was all destroyed during WWII or if it could be attributed to something else.

There is still a strong communistic influence in the government and the pastor'a wife tells us that since churches tend to be filled with free thinkers, the government doesn't easily allow new churches to start. 

We are careful not to post too much in the way of spiritual things on Facebook for fear of the government watching. We don't expect it, but the possibility remains, and none of us are gung-ho about the idea of going to prison here. 

March 8, 2014 in flight from NY to Frankfurt

It's the first day of the big journey, and it has indeed been a long day. An hour of sleep the night before leaving, then maybe an hour or two since then. I'm currently flying over the Atlantic Ocean, about to pass over Ireland on our way to Frankfurt. I've had the pleasure of sitting next to two Scottish lasses on this flight, and their accents remind me of why I dreamed up this expedition in the first place. Meet and interact well with people of other cultures, and experience real freedom in traveling. I've been worrying so much about finding places to sleep and such when really, The Lord will provide as long as I am willing and able and active. 

I've been stressing about everything from packing (turns out you can bluff your way through the carry-on weight trouble) to preaching the morning after we arrive in Minsk to whether I've even been a good enough Christian to be an effective missionary this week. But if I take a lesson from the very sermon I'm preaching, we are credited righteousness by faith alone. As long as I put my complete hope and trust in Christ (and, of course, recognize my vulnerabilities therein), He will use me as He wills. 

Pastor Nick had told me once that he can't help talking to people about God because when they ask what he does for a living, the conversation naturally turns to matters of faith. I've found similar results with regard to this trip. I've also found that if I try to be friendly and start conversations, the conversations always flow well and I make friends. A year ago, I was unwilling to be so comfortable in conversation, but after working as a medical assistant, I've learned to guide encounters to be pleasant for all involved. 

The best part of all is that feeling that creeps up once in awhile when I stop on the plane or am preparing a sermon; this is what I was made to do. The distractions and stress have been too prevalent for me to feel it as before, but it's there, and I'm excited to live it out. 

God wants to do much with me this week, as evidenced by how much the Enemy worked to stress and distract me for the two weeks preceding the trip. 

Just A Few Days Away

Just a few days away from my trip now. I've felt very unprepared.

I'm trying to work on these sermons since I preach on Sunday, but I feel like I need to come up with more because I also speak that Friday. Theres a message forming in my mind about standards, but it hasn't solidified in such a way as to be preached on yet.

I had a kinda stressful dream last night about being in Venice and not finding the group I'm with or a place to stay. This is likely because I finally gave in and bought a hotel room for my first night in Dublin, but am still holding out for something free/cheap for the rest of my time in the area.

Also, I still haven't bought the backpack I'll be living out of. For all their popularity, REI does not seem to have near as much selection as what I'd like.

I have two videos I'd very much like to edit before I leave, but the likelihood is decreasing...

Better writings hopefully soon to come.