In church today, I realized a few things. One, that I can hardly talk to God without countless memories from a month in Uganda bubbling up in my mind, and two, that those have helped me decide why exactly I want to be a doctor.
I saw a lot while I was in Uganda. I saw enough that I hardly knew how to process it, and because we had discussions at team meetings most nights, I didn't care to write out how I felt, 'cause it had already been talked out.
But one definite thing came out of it. I saw a lot of bad healthcare. I saw so, SO many people put through SO much pain, and needlessly. Whether babies or young adults, countless people suffer every day over there, and not just from the average perils of a third world country, but from the medicine provided to treat the problems therein.
So during worship today, I couldn't get images out of my mind. From the doctor digging into a child's pelvic region with a syringe in an effort to find the femoral artery to obtain a blood sample (when they could have used the cannula, the IV thing, to get the blood) to the man whose head laceration had gone septic, and looked like hamburger meat, and yet the nursing student used nonsterile techniques in the most painful way possible to stitch up his head while he moaned in pain. The images make me cringe and shudder. I can't stand it.
And that's the reason I want to be a doctor. I had reasons before. I want to be as useful as possible. I want to bring as much practical help to people as I can while also bringing the message of the Gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ. But I learned a new reason, the primary one: I want to stop needless suffering.
Images pop up all the time, and I can't get the things to stop playing in my head. I'd write more of them out here, but honestly, they're difficult to relive. A month in African hospitals will make that happen, I suppose.
Anyway, that was the main purpose of the trip, to find out why I want to be a doctor. If I become a doctor, I can fight for those people who wait at the mercy of untrained people who have been dulled to the pains of others. I can fight for them, and for their children, and for their parents and grandparents.
And that is also what will make me competitive in the field. I don't care about it for my sake. There are too many of them hurting for me to feel at ease where I'm at.
