Hope Upon Return

Shortly after I made the journey back to the States from that Costa Rican journey, I ran across an advertisement for donating plasma. This reminded me of a friend I had known in high school and college who had boasted about how much money he had been making through such donations, so I drove to the donation center and made $125 by donating to a good cause of manufacturing life-saving medications as well as to further line the pockets of great profits of big pharma. As I write this, I have recently made my second donation, which took roughly an hour of my time and caused me to drive into town. Prior to the discovery of giving plasma, I had ruled out the possibility of visiting the big standup comedy club's open mic anymore. But with this budget increase, I can make these visits once again. Furthermore, I can also consider attending the weekend ones that come with a price tag and more tried and true performers.

Also upon my return to this country, I asked my friend in casting about that comedy show. It turns out that rather than simply being a show audition, I was one of around 30 comics who helped to serve as a pitch to try to get a show on the air. The host that they have attached is a big enough deal that it certainly stands a good chance of making it, but these things can take time.

Because of this and because of the perspective granted from time spent away, my current goals have switched toward putting together my own comedy show to enter into festivals, and also to read and learn for fun just like I always promised myself I would back when I graduated from college. I have already been making good on this pledge by dedicating my plasma donation time to reading Born Standing Up by Steve Martin. And may I say, it is so nice to just be reading again. No medical texts, no vague pressure or guilt regarding time not spent studying for a giant exam looming someday in the future. Just reading book to learn and enjoy.

The Costa Rican Reset

I am nearing the end of this trip to Costa Rica. Despite how much it feels like God intervened on my behalf at the last minute to give me this wonderful gift of a visit to Central America and exposure to these impressive rainforests, along with having my teeth made into beautiful specimens that are ready for 4k television cameras, I am hesitant to become too hopeful. It is nearing on two months since I applied to be on that comedy show, and I have yet to hear back. And despite how lovely this trip has been, it has also drained my wallet, though it is perhaps debatable whether I would have spent more at home. So when I get back to the States, I will be asking my friend if no news from the show means good news, bad news, or no news. Because beyond that board review gig that added a little recent padding to my bank account, I am lacking in new opportunities to make money.

That being said, I am reinvigorated in the writing process. I realized today that since I am unsure about how I would deliver some of my preferred jokes in a standup comedy form, I should endeavor to write those into a song. I view songs as cheat codes to beat the exchange rate of "honesty dollars", which is important for me as someone who absolutely does not wish to pay up when I am on stage. Steve Martin beat the exchange rate by simply being a made up caricature of himself, something quite fake but still endearing to the audience.

This waiting period has also allowed me to work on my show pitches. A dream show would involve my tour guide character doing a tour of the world, but I am still having to think through how to fill that out as a concept. The podcast could translate into a parody on the Dr. Oz show, with the funniest underlying part being that unlike on his show, mine would have a real medical lesson.

Travel has given my mind a healthy reset, perhaps even more so because my schedule revolved around making sure that my grandma fared well throughout our time here. Between her medications and her need to have her American food fix, she can be a tad demanding, but this is obviously a small price to pay for a free trip such as this. And although this prevented me from working on reflecting like I normally have in the past during a trip, I am also not sure that I would have done so at this point. After all, my future employment is very much in question. I do not know what I will be doing with my life. Until March of this year, I had subconsciously held out hope that I could still make it in medicine, but for a myriad of reasons, I do not see that happening. With that in mind, I recognize that if I do not land this show, or find some other work through old acting connections, I may need to compromise after giving up my 20s for this education. I am hoping to stop or at least delay this eventuality, but we will just have to see.

A couple months ago, I was basically vomiting anecdotes and joke ideas. Now I can come back from this trip and begin the more precise and specific work of fine-tuning my wording, along with working out segues and transitions between different parts of the act. Because even if my plan is not to perform standup comedy in a traditional way, it is always smart to have something ready if an opportunity presents itself.

Putting It Away For The Moment

Yesterday, I was hit by the memory of doing some of my weird body tricks with kiddos in some rural parts of developing nations. It was sad because I realize that if I give up on the dream of being a medical missionary, that aspect of my skillset would be used less frequently. But I need to hear the advice that I have given to others, that that dream is not necessarily dead; it is put away for now. Some people do not practice medicine until they are middle-aged.

It is just scary for the moment because I find myself with limited funds, which of course gives me a sort of deadline. If the comedy show does happen, I will presumably be okay in the short term, and perhaps also in the long term. If the comedy show does not happen, I will have to go back to writing my comedy routine to enter it into festivals and competitions. But in that case, money will likely run out and I will have to simultaneously attempt to find work.

When I graduated from college almost a decade ago, I told myself that with my newfound time and freedom, I would get back to reading and writing for fun, and to study and work on improving and expanding my dance routine. But then I got caught up with studying for the MCAT, and then with work, and then with trying to prepare myself for medical school. Then after graduating, I still felt singularly focused on trying to pass that Step 2 exam, which in my mind required an exclusion of other pursuits. However, I recently opened up my YouTube account that is filled with dancing video recommendations. And I am once again studying dance moves that I would like to try to incorporate into some sort of a routine. For the comedy things, I am having to dig back into my more free-feeling self, the version of me in college that dealt with social anxiety by being so quirky that it gave people around me some degree of anxiety. That version of myself has barely had a chance to breathe since I committed so hard to this medical professional character, but what if it could have another chance?

People talk about doing what makes them happy. I have never believed in this as a goal. Happiness is fleeting and only one doctor I know sounded genuinely happy about his job. Yet when I did that teaching job, I was genuinely about as happy and fulfilled as I know how to be with a piece of work. I had some guidance, but also a lot of creative control, a great many chances to make it my own in an engaging manner. The months of preparation were terrible, but the week of performing, writing, and editing on repeat every day was incredibly satisfying on a number of levels. After all, what other doctors would incorporate sketches into a lecture series? All that to say that if I cannot practice medicine, I might as well attempt to find that feeling again. The more of my talents and skill that are put to use, the better I feel.

Burnt Out To Costa Rica

My efforts at writing have burnt out a little bit. For a time, it was like I was taking amphetamines every day, just so excited to try this new medium. And I do think that I have some very good original material now. But then I checked my bank account and found that I am poor, and I have yet to hear back about that show, so that initial direction of being prepared for anything feels a bit too broad to generate real discipline.

Fortunately, my mother called me last week to tell me that my grandmother had just been horrified at the price quoted to her by her dentist for some work they want to do. So my mother recommended that I meet up with said grandmother and see if I can use her air miles to get both of us to join my mother on a trip that she already had planned to Costa Rica for some less expensive dental work. We booked the flight and then grandmother's passport had been expired for nine years, so we had to try to get the passport expedited for this flight that would leave in 13 days. Unfortunately, this is the high season, so the earliest available appointments were for the day of our flight, and it would take ten days from that to get the passport. This led to one night of being very unsure about how and whether we would be able to do the trip, but the following day, I called in directly and the passport office happened to have an appointment available a week before our flight. Of course, the appointment was in Colorado, but it ended up being realistic. 

All that to say that I will be in Costa Rica next week. Hopefully I will also have news of that show by then, but either way, at least I have something to show for my upcoming birthday.