Found An Aim

Yesterday, I made the drive to Waco to visit my somewhat famous standup comic friend. And what a pleasure it was. We got drinks with her cousin and cousin's boyfriend, then I offered to drive her so she would not have to worry about paying up for a rideshare app. And, of course, to hang out a little. She had been on my podcast multiple times and we had both workshopped each other's standup comic material, so once in while she would just be commenting on how it was weird that we had not met before, since we were able to skip any awkward getting to know each other aspects of meeting in person.

So I drove her the few miles to the show and she introduced me to the booker and the venue manager as her comedian friend, which gave me a lot of points from the start. All of the comics were great, but she in particular was clearly the experienced headliner, despite her anxieties about it. And since she keeps her comedy clean and dislikes doing crowd-work, it gave me a real idea of how to aim my writing. Right after she finished her set, the venue manager turned to me and asked "you're a standup in Dallas?" and I responded in the affirmative with full knowledge that my standup experience thus far was bombing a week ago at an open mic, that my credibility was based on my friend's fantastic performance, and perhaps a little on my own conversational jokes. That standup friend told me afterward that the booker would probably put me in all of his shows.

So now I have to get good. Fortunately, this was a great learning experience. I am no longer so desperate to pull jokes on the audience now that I am borrowing from my friend's creditability.

Aiming Myself

It only took a few days and an industrial volume of whiskey, but I have finally gotten past my frustrated anger that plagued me after that open mic. My shortcut is not likely to be found in the setting of normal standup comedy, but I had to remind myself that I had not been writing to that anyway. I have a longer set in mind, largely inspired by Steve Martin's standup set. An extensive anthology of 1-5 minute silly jokes.

Months ago, when I first let my mind think of doing this, I had the rare feeling in me that I could really make something exceptional. I felt fully capable, and continue to feel that way. So really, the task at hand is relatively unchanged, except that now I know that my stage presence will need much more rehearsal, since I had not been on stage with a memorized script like that in something like a decade. And it showed. But now I know! And now I also know that I should expect minimal appreciation from the crowd at open mics, which means that I can likely practice and get a recording of my best stuff without being worried about having it stolen.

So the task at hand remains unchanged. Write more. Get more disciplined with writing while I still have the gift of too much time on my hands. And when I have enough written, I will hopefully be able to find a venue at which to aim myself and my act.

That being said, I did send out a few more job applications over the weekend. As much as I would like to rely on donating my plasma to pay bills for the rest of my life, I think that I would prefer a more engaging job. Or for my investments to pay off. 

Tried Standup. Frustrated.

I finally tried performing standup. I got laughs, but mostly at my least favorite jokes. When I asked for feedback from the comic who has been helping me learn to write standup, he informed me that the average standup audience requires far more honesty than the little bit that I included in my set. This has been a significant struggle with me from the beginning because when I write, I typically write to what I would want to see and hear, and honesty does not make my list of desired traits in a performance. This is of course why I had little interest in standup prior to four months ago, when I viewed it as a means to skip steps in becoming famous in comedy.

Regarding the actual performance, it had been awhile since I had been on stage reciting memorized material. That coupled with the fact that I had no opportunity to rehearse with the equipment available made my delivery worse than it might otherwise have been. That being said, I did fine, and it taught me that I do not need to do the usual standup comic thing of going on stage a million times before I know what works (or to get used to the stage in general). I can write funny material before going up. My big struggle is the willingness to write standup jokes with real honesty. That being said, when I was struggling with the anger of a lackluster job situation and seeing no path forward with the comedy, those vexed thoughts were interrupted by more honest joke ideas.

I spent so much time in med school normalizing myself because that is what brings patients comfort in the midst of difficult times. And my hope regarding standup comedy was that I can be more of what I view as an authentic version of myself, but since my authenticity is absurd, that translates to an absurdist rather than authentic form of comedy.

The writing is a rewarding process in itself, but I still want to find a way to make a profit off of this stuff! This week, I should at least get some data regarding my investments. The CEO certainly made it sound like recent moves should change the game, but we will just have to see.

In six days, I have plans to see my somewhat famous standup buddy. She has expressed some similar ideas regarding what she would want to do with her act, and she has also performed a successful one-person show before, which was well-received. So maybe she will have insights.

I am still frustrated. The angry thoughts are still here. The only jobs I can think to try for without feeling like I am compromising myself do not want me, and the others are sales jobs that do not pay as well and, frankly, also do not want me. My friends without degrees are making more money than I can hope to when I start, and a part of me also does not want to start a salary job because if the previously-mentioned investment does pay off in the short term, then I will be quitting. And I commit hard to my work, so I feel compromised in knowing how temperamental such a commitment could be. But then again, maybe that is a stupid feeling since I am betting on a black swan event with my investments.

Looking forward, I remain too poor to make it in either medicine or comedy. I need to write more, not only for the practice, but also because that is what I can afford to show for my time and talent while on a budget.