This Semester's Me

I'm not sure if I like this semester's me. I hid behind my quirkiness as a freshman. I acted and modeled all the time for the last two years of college. No one could have guessed that I was a pre-med Biology major. Now, I don't try to be so quirky. I haven't acted and hardly ever model. People know that I'm a Biology major.

This feels kinda like a repeat of junior year in high school. That's when I dropped acting for the first time in my life. It's also when I first asked God if I should ask a girl out. The answer then was the clearest I've ever gotten from God ("NO!"). I was crazy about God, and He led me through everything, even giving me busy social weekends, which tend to be something I'm not good at making happen for myself.

I'm now starting to think about asking a girl out. It isn't a big deal for most people, but being raised in a private Christian school largely craps up one's view on dating, and gives you a false fear of it. I don't feel nearly as close to God as I did four years ago (which is in contrast to my feeling like a more spiritually mature person now), so my main fear is that I'll do what everyone else seems to do and ask a girl out, only to find that God wasn't so involved in the selection process, so it craps up.

The other fear, of course, comes from ye olde insecure divorced parents. God is the only thing preventing me from inheriting those ghastly negative traits from my parents that I so fear. And yeah, I previously did not have any real fears, but that is most definitely a real one I possess now.