Once in awhile, every real Christian should go out by himself (or herself) and rant to God. As a real follower of Christ, I did so tonight. And when I say that I ranted to God, I mean that I ranted to Him about Him, calling Him out on what I perceive to be flaws and inconsistencies in what He's doing.
It was a long rant. A good 45 minutes or so of God getting to hear just what He should have been doing. In short, my grades are down (not that I expect differently anymore), I've turned down most extracurriculars in an effort to do better and appease the science department, and I find myself getting tired and fed up with myself for it. And the worst part is, I'm trying to submit everything to God the whole time! He makes me feel great, sure, but He called me to be a doctor. That means good grades. It also means not my grades. I don't have too heavy a workload either. Other guys in my major manage twice as much and sports and girlfriends.
It's frustrating, because without all the extracurricular things, without acting or making videos or performing, all I have to show for the semester is my grades. And since I'm insecure in that, it makes me feel insecure in myself.
Agh. There's more, but I'm tired, and I've been ranting for hours to God and people (about God).
No comments:
Post a Comment