Lifening

I end up disappointed with myself pretty often these days. It's not because I'm sucking at life or anything. In fact, I'm pretty good at life. But I know I've been better. So that's why I find myself thinking as I read my Bible, "Have I gone back to slurping on the milk 'cause I can't handle the chunky stuff? I wanna eat real spiritual food, but I'm not sure I know how to get back to doing that."

I took forever to get out of transition and finally just be here, but since that happened this semester, I've found that I don't know what to do with myself. I said "no" to everything in an effort to do better at school, so I ended up with a lot of nothing to do and only school to fill the gap (which ain't how I roll).

So now I've begun to feel a lil' of what Gary Lightbody (Snow Patrol's lead singer) talked about in his last interview about a song called "Lifening". He became inspired once he realized that he was finally around the stuff that mattered. Not drugs, drinking, or the excitement of the dream life he had been able to live; rather, he was joking around with friends and family, the stuff of life that make it all worth living for.

I wanna find wholesome people. The people who are happy with where life has them, and are looking forward to the future, one step at a time, who are doing things right in the place they're at. I used to be that.

Hopefully after this semester ends, I'll be able to write some reflections and understand whatever things I've been doing wrong. A general disconnect with God is most definitely the biggest problem, but even that can't be the only thing.