Unfair

The waiting is the worst. No wait, the bad news after the waiting. No wait, feeling kinda justified in blaming others for your misfortune.

I was so mad at how unfair this block felt. I don't use the word "unfair" often because it isn't fair that I'm so blessed, and that I have the audacity to complain when "unfair" to me usually does not affect whether I get to eat, sleep, or live relatively well. That being said, this block felt unfair. We had a sucky professor for Physiology for the respiratory system, then the good professor came in on a saturday to reteach what the other professor taught badly, forcing students to either give up a day of studying (he lectured for several hours) or miss being taught in favor of study time. I did the latter. Then, on the friday before monday's exams, that good professor had us come in an hour early and lectured for 2 1/2 hours (normal lectures are 2 hours) with no breaks on all new endocrine material, followed by a brief review of respiratory. This meant that, on the day when we should only have been reviewing what we had already learned, we had to learn all new information, then review it, and also review everything else.

So I made a 67. As I told myself before the exams, I was gonna be pissed no matter what grade I got. It just wasn't fair to us as students. Now my average is bumped up from a 63 to a 65, still not passing.

In Biochemistry, however, I scored above average with an 81, bringing my previous grade of a 57 up to a 70.5, which was a relief.

I worked so hard. So hard that I was sure that I should at least be passing. But as expected, when I reviewed my physio test, most of my wrong answers were from endocrinology, because I just plain didn't have time to finish it.

Now I'm sticking to this trusting God thing. My good (somewhere in the realm of "best") friend, Tara, walked away from her faith in Christ in college. She had asked me why I believed in God, and I said that He helps me to do well in school (I sucked at school at the time and my reasons for believing in God have matured, I think). She said that when she got bad grades, she decided to do better, and then did so. No God in the mix. Though grades aren't why I believe in God, I do understand now that no matter how hard I work, no matter how much effort and stress and troubled sleep I put into something, it's still out of my control. I can influence, but in the end, that only does so much. I need God in general, but specific to academics, I need Him because He's the one who works everything to my good because I love Him.

This brings up the question of "once saved, always saved" that has been coming up in my mind regarding Tara, but I need to study tonight. These classes aren't going to pass themselves.

Oh, and our Genetics grades haven't been posted yet. I made a B on the first exam, but who knows...