I'm a little over two weeks away from my flight back to the island to retake the comp exam. And no, I am not ready. Dad is getting remarried. Mom is getting divorced. Sister's boyfriend took his own life. And home was distracting enough before those things happened.
I'm studying today at our family's lakehouse. I hadn't remembered its existence, nor how usefully empty it was right now, until my brother reminded me between my laments about studying. But it is too little too late, in my mind. After all, two weeks isn't that much time. And within those two weeks, there is also Thanksgiving, which involves the occupation of this lakehouse. My mom suggested that maybe God intended for me to wait until now to remember it. And I can't help but wonder why.
I know that my ability to reason and explain has been appreciated at home. But the stress of the election (both what preceded it and the results) have weighed upon me. Even now, I wake up to the realization of different aspects of the gravity of such a poor decision by the American people (though primarily by the less educated white evangelicals).
Waking up with those thoughts, and the idea in my mind that my current studying efforts are in vain, really throws me off. Ambition drains from me even as I decline invitations to meet up with friends. I stop believing in a chance for romance, of becoming a doctor, in most things. Apathy sputters about as I try to rev myself up and into a state of hard work and discipline.
What can you do?
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