Distrust For The Church

Okay, I need to express this somehow. I haven't been honest, and for professional reasons, I can't be transparent on Facebook. But fortunately, no one reads this.

I no longer trust the church. It is a difficult thing to think, much less write. I've never cried over anything spiritual that I can recall. Nothing. Not in the most heart-wrenching worship service. Not when I saw miracles happen. Not ever. But there are tears in my eyes as I write this.

White America has won. The voting demographic clearly shows it. If you were white, you voted Trump. If you were any other color of skin or were educated, the majority voted against him.

In the name of keeping the Supreme Court conservative (the only defense in favor of Trump that could potentially hold water), the white evangelical church has chosen a wealthy demagogue (a political leader who seeks support by appealing to popular desires and prejudices rather than by using rational argument) whose path to election was based on racism, sexism, bigotry, xenophobia, and blatant disregard for facts that opposed his opinions. Where is the Church that would choose a step toward equality? Where is the Church that would stand up for the less fortunate? The Church that would offer shelter to strangers in a foreign land, because we too were once aliens as well? What happens when a white Christian wants to share the gospel with a Muslim person, or a Mexican, or any illegal immigrant?

I do not recognize this church. I haven't felt comfortable attending my local church (primarily white congregation) these past months. Believe me, I made myself go. And though I genuinely tried, I felt worse. Even as I search for the proper terminology, the word that comes to mind is conviction. My convictions make me uncomfortable with attending church, such as it is.

I will continue to read my Bible, talk to God, and watch sermons on Sunday. But they will be streamed online from a pastor I trust (Judah Smith).

I struggle with what to do with these feelings that go against how I was raised, yet seem more in line with the Bible that I trust. I want to warn pastors and leaders, but I also do not wish to publicly do things on social media, because once again, I have a professionalism to uphold. And, if I'm being honest, I don't want to admit that I don't feel comfortable with the Church. I mean, what Christian says that? A well-educated one, it turns out.