It's All His

I remembered to give everything to God.

I forget it most of the time. It's weird how my self tends to block out who God is when I try to get a clear look at things.

But then I take a step back. And I remember whose plan this is. I tell God about all that I haven't done to study belongs to Him. And all that I have done. And also all the time I haven't invested in the people around me. And the time that I have.

I'm in this weird place now. School is everything and it's difficult to focus on it. My winning personality isn't winning so much because I've begun to leave out the unnecessary as a method of dealing with where I am in life. In the past, my side projects like talent shows or video blogs or anything else used to occupy some mental focus. They made me feel balanced. But now? Now I have school and a desire to be past it so I can live. I've never felt like that before in my life.

And then I have to take a step back again. Because no matter what happens, I'm committed to God and to His purposes. My job isn't to make good grades. My job is to work in excellence and to do so as an act of worship to Christ, and to live my life to Him.  If I fail my tests on Monday, that won't change these things. I still love the Lord and I still believe that He wants me to be a doctor. But just as Abraham was given a hope, a dream of having a son, and then was given that child, and then was willing to sacrifice his child, so must I be willing to do so. Because this dream isn't mine. I love medicine and the idea of being a doctor and all it stands for, but this dream is from the Lord. I need to be willing to give it up to serve His purposes at any time, because I love Him far more than this dream.

So stress doesn't belong to me. I will do my best to learn Physiology, Biochemistry, Genetics, Epidemiology, and the Foundations of Clinical Medicine II, but in the end, every bit of it belongs to God. All I can give Him is the effort I put into it. And whatever effort I don't put into it. It's all His.