Introverted Goodbyes

Being introverted is difficult. I've got three weeks left in this country, then I'm gone for a long while. I hung out with an old friend tonight after working through the heat of the day in Texas (100 degrees of fun) and cut it short afterwards. In the olden days, we would've gone to his house to play video games or something, hung out with the rest of the family, then talked about life a little bit as we went to sleep. But I was pretty done after a few hours.

But at the same time, I know I'm about to be gone. I won't see these people again for at least four months, but more likely it'll be two years. Or more. I dunno.

I'm excited to ditch the life I'm living and jump back into a world of learning with an entire new culture and people surrounding me. But I'm also not happy about ditching the last vestiges of moments that seem to sparkle, the moments that only come when I'm with my JBU friends. Those moments seem to have largely faded away with my Texas friends, and they're fading fast with my JBU friends. And that last trickle that remains is about to be left behind. Because really, I don't know how likeable any of them will be when I return. I don't know how likeable I'll be when I return.

Maybe someday, when I have a #blanketfort again, things will be simpler and there will be a healthy consistency in my life besides God.

That #blanketfort has come to represent a critical time in my life. My creativity was manifest in a construct of my own design and I was able to study un-creative things in it. When it came time to study hard, I was in an atmosphere that was comfortable, aesthetically pleasing, and relaxing. I found an incredible balance in sleep, academics, and workout schedules. I didn't even pull all-nighters, which I had ALWAYS done in past years at school.
Hopefully island life will help me similarly, though I don't see it comparing to the #blanketfort, since I won't be the architect of the place where I'm sleeping.

I want to want to hang out with friends, and I want the times we hang out to be perfect, but they probably won't be, and then I'll leave forever. Lalalalala