Why Be Better?

My ending goal with a lot of the things that I do is to “become a better person.” It was like question of why I travel, just a no-brainer.

But I sacrifice a LOT for the sake of bettering myself as a human. I'm one of a VERY few of my friends who has, for the most part, really stuck with my convictions over the years. Much bigger than that though, I've intentionally dropped contact with friends who I'd been very close to over the years, simply because they were becoming worse and didn't seem to be willing to pick themselves up. I went to Europe for three months, those months being a fun period of time when I could have seen all of my friends very frequently, but instead chose to be battling loneliness in an effort to understand people of other cultures and how I interact with them. And also how to be poor and hungry. I went to work in hospitals in Uganda when other students of my year were studying for their MCAT. I missed eight weddings (one of which I was to be in) and it put me on a slower academic track, but now I know the real reasons I want to be a doctor.

But tonight while it stormed an incredible storm, I began to wonder if "to be a better person" is a good enough reason to sacrifice the time, money, and relationships that I have. I mean, being a well-rounded person with strong faith and morals is nice, but surely if I were less privileged, if I'd just gone into mission work after high school, the time and money spent on me could instead have been invested in others. What's it worth? What am I worth? The price of my education could probably have fed impoverished towns and villages for many years. Instead, it was used on me while I watched NetFlix and frequently spoke of how I want to be shot dead as a martyre at the age of 35. I hate knowing that I was born where I was and for that reason alone, I receive privileges that many people don't even know to dream of.

I guess I just try to be the best that I can be so I can reach as many people as possible. But it doesn't always sit well.