Maybe Figured It Out

Okay, I think I figured out what has been making me so very anxious. Having seen a close friend freak out about turning 30 a few months ago, I was wary that such a thing may happen to me. So I had taken precautions to prevent such a thing from happening to me. I tried to get onto a show, and then, against all odds, I was actually cast! I also planned a trip to SE Asia. There was also potential for a family reunion in England just before my birthday, and I was very tempted to go even if the rest of my family did not.

But this pandemic hit and all of my precautions flew to the wind.

That being said, my date of birth does not hold all of the cards. I do not have to finish all of my medical school requirements by that date. I do not have to tell a girl I like her by that date. I do not have to become famous by that date. I do not need to have visited several new countries in Asia by that date.

Of course, that realization has not kept me from drinking too much for the past few nights, but it did seem to help me to loosen my abdominal muscles and to prevent anxiety attacks.

For birthday, I am aspiring to do one of the many things that I had planned to do in SE Asia, and which I will likely be able to do here in Texas: spelunking. Furthermore, I am looking forward to camping, which is something that I have not done since I was little, and never alone. That girl I like did ask if I could use a cave exploring buddy, so that may happen. I will not bet on her joining me for camping as well, but who knows.

When I told my podcasting buddies about all of these concerns regarding the aging syndrome, one of them suggested that we film a pilot episode of a tv show version of the podcast. This has been suggested to me before, but I remain unsure. This is possibly in part because I have of course seen little tangible return on the podcast itself despite pouring so much into it. Anyway, I told them that I would not ask others for help or participation until I have written a script for it that is good and funny enough that I would want to be in it if I were being asked by someone else. I think of myself as a good writer, but I do not write scripts with any frequency.