Today was another day of the slow countdown to our doomed destinies that will be revealed to us on Monday at orientation. I slept in while my roommate began doing his Allah-friendly dawn prayers. It's kinda funny to me, 'cause he definitely likes to sleep in. Myself, I pray whenever and read my Bible whenever and occasionally pop into church. But Jesus is a bit of a different God from my understanding. I woke up to the sound of internet. The provider had finally come and now our room was incredibly popular because we were the only ones with internet access. My life was changed as I was finally able to post things to Instagram and Facebook and text with my friends on a more consistent basis, and I stopped worrying about how I was going to get the money from my U.S. account to pay for my dorm, 'cause apparently online banking is a thing here, but the local bank teller didn't seem to know that much about that.
There are two other Christians, both Eastern Orthodox, and though a few things about their denomination are iffy to me, I'm pretty happy to find whatever kinds of Christians I can.
Tomorrow I'm hoping to go to church. But considering that I don't know where any protestant churches are or when they start, I'm not getting my hopes up. Maybe I'll start a Bible study. Who knows?
My roommate learned today that I'm introverted, and, being extraverted, he doesn't know how to deal with me. I'm a new creature in his world. He doesn't realize that it's perfectly fine for me to go back to the room while everyone is hanging out and just read a book by myself. Or, if everyone else is around, for me to just go for a walk. In fact, I think I'm the only introvert here. Everyone is trying to be friends with everyone at all times. I hope this internet shuts them up so I can be alone and study forever...
Saturday, August 30, 2014
August 29, 2014
We met some other Med 1 (first semester of med school) students today. The hallway I live on has a crew that has kinda bonded in the past two days that we've been here. We went to campus for the first time today and, consequently, had internet for the first time since arriving at Nevis. I let family know I'm alive, signed up for classes, then went "to town", the town of Charleston. This is where banks and grocery stores and something closer to civilization lives. I set up a bank account and then learned that I can't just transfer money over from my bank electronically. I have to give them cash. Which means that really, setting up a bank account feels like it was a waste of time. Online banking still hasn't properly arrived in Nevis and it shows. However, I might be able to do it online, so hope remains when I get internet again.
Speaking of which, I have already been (over)charged for internet and they did not set it up at the time promised ("tomorrow if you sign up tonight). So I will be having a strongly worded conversation with the sales rep who got us hooked on day one.
Due to the strong Muslim presence here, there aren't nearly as many drinkers. This makes it look even more weird when I buy five different beers and a bottle of rum (all locally produced) from the grocery store. But one of the three white people I've met also seems to have the same train of thought, so I hopefully won't be alone in it.
My roommate is Muslim and doesn't drink. He also said that he can't even pass me a beer or anything. Holding alcohol is apparently off-limits.
I met one other Christian. He's Eastern Orthodox, which is cool, because it's still Christian. He and I talked beers and I thought it wonderful. There's at least one other student who's Christian.
Someone freaked out in the shuttle bus today when they accidentally referred to me as "white" in front of me. This has never. Ever. Happened. So I started calling myself cracker and honkey and whatever else, and encouraged them to try to come up with good white people jokes. Try to offend me. 'Cause most white people jokes I know of are about us being wealthy and privileged.
Anyway, these days are long and confusing. With the sun going down at 6:30 PM, my internal clock is even more screwed up than usual.
I'm debating whether to get up and brush my teeth, considering that my roommate is asleep and I also don't wanna get up and do it. I wanted to pretty myself up for orientation, but I honestly don't think that I'm gonna meet anyone I'm interested in. Even aside from the malnourishedly skinny criteria, I don't really feel attracted to this ethnic a crowd. But hey, maybe there will be one girl I haven't met who just happens to be exactly the one and I'll feel like an idiot for NOT BRUSHING MY TEETH TONIGHT.
August 28, 2014
Well, I made it to Nevis. I brought only $23 cash with me, so I've already had to borrow money for the taxi and boat from St Kitts. I've been hanging out with seven other students who are living in the same dorm and I remain the only white person. But everyone is super friendly and the dorm situation has a lil' bit of the college feel, just with more of a deserted island feel to it. We only have to live here for 3 1/2 months. Then we get to live in apartments or houses.
My roommate, a Pakistani Canadian Muslim, saw me reading my Bible and asked if I was religious. I said "yes" and he replied that he has a lot to learn from me (and I returned the sentiment). I get to learn about this new religion in a pleasant context, and I also get to share the gospel. But mostly, I'm feeling like there's so much to manage here that when classes start, it may just be overwhelming.
In any case, I get to sleep tonight and enjoy exploring Nevis tomorrow. My adventuresome spirit that had been kicked down after Europe is trying to rise up once again.
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
25 hours.
In 25 hours, I leave this country that I have so learned to appreciate in the past several months. It was during the last year that I discovered my body's almost allergic reaction to patriotic movies, causing me to become misty-eyed at particularly stirring moments in spite of my perfect mental health and stoic persona. Soon, I will be living in a new country. On an island. With new humans. I will go into it knowing no one and working harder than I've ever worked in my life. Or else I won't achieve the calling that God has for me. But in defiance against all counselors and advisors of note in my life, God has so far prevailed. Or, at least, told me to keep working.
So now I'm considerably packed and am becoming more and more apprehensive of what's to come. But unlike with my trip to Europe, I'm not actively disliking this. It'll be a shock to get myself back into hardcore healthy academic life, but after my last year as an undergrad and this past gap year, I'm pretty sure I can do anything.
Say what you will about gap years and living life as an adult, but it grows you. And even if you do things wrong (like not work on relationships or go to church or ever leave your house), you can learn from it and appreciate where you are now.
There are so many questions and ideas scattered in my mind that I've been putting off 'cause it's so much to think of, especially since I've put off all such thoughts for the three months since I've been back. How will I sing without a car and without a regular Christian chapel service during the week? Is there karaoke (I just checked and yes, on Monday nights not far from my school). What about love? Will I find it? If so, how many? How soon will I have to change my Facebook/Twitter/Instagram/everything else to private because doctors can't have fun on social media? Will I like rum? Will I be taller than my roommate? Will I be the token white dude in friend groups at this school that appears to be largely attended by Arab humans? Will I learn to scuba dive?
So now I'm considerably packed and am becoming more and more apprehensive of what's to come. But unlike with my trip to Europe, I'm not actively disliking this. It'll be a shock to get myself back into hardcore healthy academic life, but after my last year as an undergrad and this past gap year, I'm pretty sure I can do anything.
Say what you will about gap years and living life as an adult, but it grows you. And even if you do things wrong (like not work on relationships or go to church or ever leave your house), you can learn from it and appreciate where you are now.
There are so many questions and ideas scattered in my mind that I've been putting off 'cause it's so much to think of, especially since I've put off all such thoughts for the three months since I've been back. How will I sing without a car and without a regular Christian chapel service during the week? Is there karaoke (I just checked and yes, on Monday nights not far from my school). What about love? Will I find it? If so, how many? How soon will I have to change my Facebook/Twitter/Instagram/everything else to private because doctors can't have fun on social media? Will I like rum? Will I be taller than my roommate? Will I be the token white dude in friend groups at this school that appears to be largely attended by Arab humans? Will I learn to scuba dive?
Sunday, August 24, 2014
Impermanence
Friends and I talked today about the future since I'm a few days from shipping off. I told them that I won't be a real practicing doctor till I'm at least 31.
We all want to build up a community of close friends and family. We all want to easily have a go-to group that we could raise our own families with. But as for me, I feel too impermanent. Eight months working a job, three months in Europe, three months at home, then two years on an island, two years in whatever locations my clinicals take place, three years (minimum) residency, and then I get to start working as medical missionary. Which, as it happens, will also involve a state of impermanence as I go to work in needy areas, likely for months at a time.
I just feel like all I usually have is God and myself and occasionally I get to see a good friend. Those occasions will be further in between now...unless med school is full of people like me. But we all know that I'm a bit of a mutation that isn't likely to see a double anytime soon. And that's probably for the best anyway. I can hardly deal with one of myself.
We all want to build up a community of close friends and family. We all want to easily have a go-to group that we could raise our own families with. But as for me, I feel too impermanent. Eight months working a job, three months in Europe, three months at home, then two years on an island, two years in whatever locations my clinicals take place, three years (minimum) residency, and then I get to start working as medical missionary. Which, as it happens, will also involve a state of impermanence as I go to work in needy areas, likely for months at a time.
I just feel like all I usually have is God and myself and occasionally I get to see a good friend. Those occasions will be further in between now...unless med school is full of people like me. But we all know that I'm a bit of a mutation that isn't likely to see a double anytime soon. And that's probably for the best anyway. I can hardly deal with one of myself.
Monday, August 18, 2014
A Few Goodbyes
I visited Arkansas for the last time for a long while. Where else could visiting with a friend consist of walking through Walmart for an hour and a half (none of us planning on making a purchase)?
I never visit Arkansas and then think to myself "I should have done something else this weekend." It's always worthwhile. Or, at least, it is this last time. It might still be nice if I visit in four months. I doubt it will still be as nice in two to four to seven years. People change, move, become worse or better. But at this point, most were still worth being around, and I learned things about myself and others that I wouldn't have learned otherwise. That is a great measure of whether you should be around particular people.
I also visited Tulsa, where I said goodbye to a good friend (the only roommate I ever chose) who will also be leaving the country to go to school for years.
It's a weird feeling, all of this. It's not like graduating high school or college, where there's a chance to ease out of where you're at with occasional visits. I'm going to an island and the world, along with the people I knew in it, will be very different by the time I see them again. Some will likely be married. Some might even have children. A lot are similar to me, getting out of a sucky phase of life to one that, though also sucky, is also filled with purpose, which makes it all worthwhile.
I never visit Arkansas and then think to myself "I should have done something else this weekend." It's always worthwhile. Or, at least, it is this last time. It might still be nice if I visit in four months. I doubt it will still be as nice in two to four to seven years. People change, move, become worse or better. But at this point, most were still worth being around, and I learned things about myself and others that I wouldn't have learned otherwise. That is a great measure of whether you should be around particular people.
I also visited Tulsa, where I said goodbye to a good friend (the only roommate I ever chose) who will also be leaving the country to go to school for years.
It's a weird feeling, all of this. It's not like graduating high school or college, where there's a chance to ease out of where you're at with occasional visits. I'm going to an island and the world, along with the people I knew in it, will be very different by the time I see them again. Some will likely be married. Some might even have children. A lot are similar to me, getting out of a sucky phase of life to one that, though also sucky, is also filled with purpose, which makes it all worthwhile.
Thursday, August 14, 2014
What Can We Do?
My brother and I were discussing the events in Ferguson, MO tonight, and we each had very different approaches. His thoughts were to this effect: someone high up is pulling the strings, everything would be better if everyone had guns, and some other conspiracy theorist things. It led me to further develop my own thoughts.
Our founding fathers spent FOREVER trying to make a constitution and form a proper government that would have the greatest chance of success, avoiding corruption. This is why we have checks and balances. However, as can be found in one of the Federalist papers, the last check on the checks and balances that isn't as official or well-known is the people. The people have a voice. Not just a voice, but a responsibility.
My view in the face of injustice (and justice too) is that each of us has a chance to do the best that we can with what we have. To the best of my knowledge, our votes still have value. So do our actions. In this day and age, our social networking voices can be heard. People can make a huge difference if they just try. If we just try. If I just try.
I learned from my parents' divorce that blaming does no good for anyone. If you view people as people, blame doesn't hold well for the accused or accuser, 'cause who likes to just yell "YOU DID IT" at someone who knows and understands that they did it? Instead, we need to look around us, see what each of us can do, and do. Because if we don't, the world will get worse.
Our founding fathers spent FOREVER trying to make a constitution and form a proper government that would have the greatest chance of success, avoiding corruption. This is why we have checks and balances. However, as can be found in one of the Federalist papers, the last check on the checks and balances that isn't as official or well-known is the people. The people have a voice. Not just a voice, but a responsibility.
My view in the face of injustice (and justice too) is that each of us has a chance to do the best that we can with what we have. To the best of my knowledge, our votes still have value. So do our actions. In this day and age, our social networking voices can be heard. People can make a huge difference if they just try. If we just try. If I just try.
I learned from my parents' divorce that blaming does no good for anyone. If you view people as people, blame doesn't hold well for the accused or accuser, 'cause who likes to just yell "YOU DID IT" at someone who knows and understands that they did it? Instead, we need to look around us, see what each of us can do, and do. Because if we don't, the world will get worse.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)