Days Later...

Well the knots in my shoulders are still there, but at least the continuous tension that led to their development has faded since that exam. I do not know how I did on that 9-hour exam, but I sure did not enjoy it or feel great while taking it.

I knew that I needed some form of relief as well as encouragement, so after recuperating for the weekend, I drove to Arkansas. A good friend of mine is in his last year of residency and is planning to get me a spot here if I can pass exams, so I am staying at his place.

I am currently sitting in my undergrad university's small town popular coffee shop, wondering about how this second home of mine has changed, wondering if, in my desire to return to living in this place, I have pursued an objective that is rooted too thoroughly in the memories and experiences of college rather than in a legitimate approach to my own future enjoyment of life. I mean, I do expect that it would be preferable to live here rather than the town that has claimed so many years of my life, but I should still probably refrain from idealizing it overmuch.

I saw the latest Spider-Man movie on the day before that exam. A whole overarching plot of that movie was that he had a crush on a girl, and wanted to put his overwhelming responsibilities to the side in order to do something about it. Eventually, their closer interactions were a help to beating the bad guys rather than being a hindrance, and the movie ended nicely in that regard. Given that the test was to come the day after watching it, I chose to let myself hold onto some hopefulness there. Maybe it is not too late for me...

At this point, I should be working on my residency applications, but that is proving to be a difficult task. Perhaps after several drinks this evening...