In my desire to revisit feelings I used to have, I did not realize that I had matured enough to leave them behind. I wanted to write more poetry about a girl I see in my travels, but my focus just isn't on that anymore. I don't really like it as much like this. I had a fondness for the lonely depression, for my mind idealizing people I see. Maybe I'm just not insecure? Maybe I know myself and my tastes too much... Maybe the only time I've liked, really liked someone, and they seemed the right type (physically, mentally, spiritually), God never gave the green light, so I never went for it. Thing is, I don't see that type of human often, the kind that seem to match me. Only the once, really. So that is why, in the most romantic city in the world, I don't daydream about meeting the love of my life. It's too implausible. To be clear, I'm not worried about finding a girl who finds me attractive enough to date or marry. That's not a fear at all. It's just that, as one of my friends put it to another when asked why I was still single, I am too picky.
I'm not willing to settle for less, not in the important stuff. I wasn't willing to stay at home instead of traveling Europe, even though I had a job and my friends were also all moving back to the area. All of this makes me better as a person, I think. And if I'm willing to sacrifice friendships, relationships, security, and ease of living in order to better myself, then I most certainly would expect similar standards in the girl I end up with.
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