The Need To Be Needed

This weekend, I really disliked how I acted. For the first time this semester (or at least it seems that way), I had a free Saturday. So what did I do? I did laundry and then watched cartoons all day. I finished two seasons of the Adult Swim cartoon Archer. And it was kinda like torture. I had no big homework assignments, nothing pressing at all. So I stopped acting disciplined and just slept in late and watched shows.

See, if I don't feel needed or useful, I get lazy. And while I used to love being lazy, I now dislike it when it's the selfish type of lazy. Being lazy with friends is fine, and unwinding with a few shows after a long day is also great. But just sitting there, laptop propped on my knees, munching away at Ritz crackers, meanwhile wishing I could have a reason to go out and do something? Not my cup o' tea.

So I suppose I'm realizing that I have kind of a need to be needed. If I don't feel useful or like my presence or help will make something better, I kinda get lazy, then kinda lonely, then a tad depressed. I also don't work out 'cause I don't know how to get myself to do so without a regular schedule.

I had a point...but now I'm tired and don't feel like trying to find it.

Also, I'm trying to learn French, but my mouth feels like a clumsy oaf when I stumble through the words.