There were some thoughts that I was suppressing until I completed that exam because I am of course unable to keep up academically if I have anything major to process. When I told girly about my issues, I had some expectations which I thought were basic. This I think is primarily due to the fact that most of my good friends understand the basics of how to hold a conversation with a person in a fragile state, even if they are lashing out at you. "I am sorry if I made you feel that way. I felt a particular way and that is why I did such and such, but I see how it had that effect on you" and so forth. See, her response when I tried to ease things was "you're playing the blame game". Just a normal human response from someone who does not know how to process other peoples' feelings with empathy. So now I know to not trust her in that regard. I held her in too high of esteem.
Anyway, with that test done, I am set to leisurely begin studying for my next rotation, internal medicine. Odds are in favor of this being my future specialty. I will have two separate preceptors over the course of twelve weeks, so I hope to obtain letters of recommendation from each of them. I am, at long last, feeling myself again, so hopefully whatever inherent charms I have will make themselves known.
Unfortunately, I am not quite done with the previous issues. I still need to confront my friend who, in a difficult time in her life, sexually assaulted me. Confront actually is not the correct term. I just need to let her know my perception of it and its effect on me, and assure her that all is forgiven. Because I do not burn bridges. That would be dumb.
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