At a few points in my life, I have had friends who were quite pretty, delightful to get to know, and all around good friends. The friends of whom I am describing just so happened to be ladies. The tendency with these friendships is for the lady in question to have had a recent breakup and, shortly thereafter, decide resolutely to embrace being single. To me, this was a great relief. Being single has defined my life, and with the knowledge that I would remain single at least until my school life finished or stabilized geographically, I tended to simply want pretty single friends with desirable personalities.
But here is the thing about all of those instances: after a couple months of being so very determined to be single, they found their way into a relationship. It always felt a little like betrayal. After all, the terms were made to be very clear to me that they were off the market. They were independent and proud to finally embrace that. But then the apparently irresistible allure of an independent level-headed and reasonable woman would catch the attention of every guy, and eventually, her attention would catch on one of them.
So then this girl comes along. She is the best. Friendship is the best option, at least for now. She wants to be single. And she does not want me to think of her as a crush. She cannot help the feeling of fear that her not returning my affections will result in my being hurt. Whereas the only thing that I can see hurting me much is her throwing affections upon someone else, which, from my experience, seems likely. In addition, I have always had crushes, and am admittedly afraid of going without one.
However, it is foolish to allow one's actions to be driven by fear. So I am attempting to give up having a crush, give up her, and give up the fear of her finding someone else. This decision was further strengthened when I imagined not having her as a friend at all. She is too good for that.
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