Today, I had lunch with my youth pastor from a decade thence. It was relieving to talk to him in more concrete terminology, rather than the last time we spoke, when my mention of morals or spirituality was so very relative. And honestly, I was mostly just venting at him that time, just frustrated with what the elections had done to ruin the perception of Christians in America, to the point that I had stopped attending church.
This time, we seemed to be on the same page, though he was careful in his delving to find that out. Both of us were frustrated with the church's handling of, well, anyone who is not the standard cis straight concept of a person. Even though we are both white cis straight and only fall short of being as fat as a perfect American, we do not hold everyone else to the same convictions. As I put it, and he seemed to agree, there is the understanding of where our convictions personally lie (in which it would absolutely be a sin for me to be homosexual), and then there is a separate understanding of everyone else's convictions. Some people interpret passages of the Bible differently, and I have been wrong before, so I do not hold anyone else to my own perceptions. Though I admitted that the primary reason I feel this way is that I judge my gay friends heavily if I believe that homosexuality is a sin, and I do not wish to hold onto that judgment if I do not need to do so.
Through all of this, I was once again emphasizing the evangelistic view of "being all things to all men" (1 Corinthians 9:19-23), which, on a very surface level interpretation, is essentially just being likable to everyone in the hopes that they recognize that likeability and the Christ in you as having a causal relationship. That is the first step, getting people open to the idea of liking Christians and what Christ could do, and possibly getting them to try to seek out more. But the next step, that "more", was admittedly an unknown for me. We know that we want to change the perception of Christians from key words like "racist" or "Republican" or, well, anti-science, but what that looks like is essentially a mystery to yours truly. Good thing God gave me my own set of issues upon which to work.
Anyway, the friend I know through karaoke was kind enough to go for coffee with me this afternoon. She reminds me of what people said about me toward the end of high school and throughout college, identifying some "it factor" that few people manage to achieve. She hits that right combination of smart, pretty, and funny, and musically talented that you rarely see in anyone either single or married these days. Though I have known her somewhat since January, I did not know that she too was Christian until this last weekend, because (and this is how clever my brain is) I was afraid to ask in case she was not Christian. That and the associations I recognize between Christian and Republican and, therefore, Trump. I have perhaps tread too lightly over such concerns. In any case, she is finding herself in a place not unlike my own, wherein she needs to work on herself with God and not on finding a significant other. KINDA WEIRD THAT THAT TREND HAS BEEN REMARKABLY CONSISTENT ON MY END FOR SO MANY YEARS, GOOOODDDDDDD.
Why is everyone in their late 20's dealing with so much? After returning from the island in 2016, I genuinely tried to reflect on more, to deal with myself and my world, but I found myself unable to do so, certainly not to the extent that I have over the past few months. Was it just the election? Does this happen to everyone at this point in their lives? Is this like a mid-life crisis, in which it has earned some nickname due to its established regularity? Is it a millenial thing? Is it an educated thing? Is it a Christian thing?
Whatever the reason, I am genuinely relieved to not be the only one going through some form of spiritual, social, and whatever other form of reevaluation. I am alone so very often in so many areas of life that it seems improbable that anyone else could relate on a level that does not feel as if it is trying hard to reach. Reachy...? Regardless, the hope therein is usually in finding someone who, for the smallest of moments, appears to be stepping in time with myself.
This entry has gone on for too long, which I suppose is a side effect of actually living life the tiniest bit. Here is a screenshot of the background on my phone which maybe, just maybe, should change soon, despite how many years I have had it and how incredibly jolly it is. It is a passage from Dr. Seuss's Oh The Places You'll Go!
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