So what lessons to we take from this last year, and what words do we hold onto for the new year? My perception will undoubtedly be based at least somewhat upon the test scores that I am to receive in a few days, but that could hardly manage to have a profound impact on lessons learned overall.
In college, I learned about the value of denominations that differed from my own. Over the last year, I have learned to apply that knowledge to my own selection. I no longer wished to attend a church like the one in which I grew up. As counter-intuitive as it may seem, a church with a very simple sermon and unenthusiastic worship, along with a small and friendly congregation, has turned out to be a good fit for the moment. As someone who struggled to force himself to attend church, a fight to stay awake during a sermon was a relieving battle in comparison to the spiritual and intellectual complexities that other churches offered in their messages (whether or not those difficulties were presented intentionally).
The thing is, though the worst of the identity crisis seems to be over, I do still wonder how to reconcile my past self with the trappings of the more recent selves that I have acquired. If I were doing ministry, I could stay in one world and one mindset. That perception is significantly easier, I think. But I am this duck, arguably meant for the sky yet living on water and land, and therefore only occasionally finding a good fit. I am a Christian but also a scientist, conservative with regard to myself yet liberal with regard to anyone else, a caricature of a person but also anchored into a world of reality. Having such opposite parents surely exaggerated these qualities and the struggles that accompany them.
When it comes to dating (not the carbon variety), these struggles seem insurmountable. I am a careful equilibrium, and the idea of finding another that God is similarly shaping into an ideal shape of a complementary human, with feet in multiple worlds, just seems unlikely. But so does my success in medical science, such as there has been thus far. So did Abraham having a son.
As always, the more I open myself up to change and direction from God, the less I care to bother with the world of dating, particularly because I do not really believe in casual dating. We had a guy die on a cross and come back to life and fly to heaven so we could have a direct line to God, so why risk making friendships weird or obtaining an ex if our buddy upstairs can tell us what to do about it? Of course, that does tend to also require a submission of a lot of other aspects of life outside of dating.
No comments:
Post a Comment