Aged

It occurred to me that I never made a post as a reflection of the time since my last birthday. It is usually my habit to write reflections at least once a year, and since I doubt whether I did one at New Years, here we go.

Since my last birthday... Well, I lived on an island in the Caribbean during that time. I celebrated by drinking alone and watching a movie. This, you may note, bears a strong resemblance to the way I have learned to celebrate many things. Some might call it "unhealthy", whereas I would call it "all I had". It was near this time that Trump was chosen to be the Republican candidate, which would force upon many young people like myself the burden of caring about politics. I still maintain that I do not want to do so.

My emotional and geographical isolation on the island made moving back to the States into the only real goal. Passing classes, rather than learning enough to actually move on afterward, was the objective. And then I felt that incredible relief that comes from getting to move back to America. Unfortunately, my love for people, which included the primarily Muslim student population at my school, created issues at home. I traded my depression for anxiety. I lived in a house that supported Trump and ignored basic science; this does not meld well with someone studying evidence-based medicine (science) like myself. So I became more anxious as my family bought into the racism, bigotry, and propaganda. Trump won and those feelings began to overwhelm as I tried to study. I failed the exam once again that December and signed up for a study program in January, knowing that I probably needed it.

The study program turned out to be a very refreshing thing indeed. For one thing, I was around fellow medical scientists. For another, I was able to spend time with those whose skin colors did not match mine, which was a relief after the pro-Trump white town that my home had become. For the first time since college, I was around other people every day, and I was generally well-liked. Oh, my dad also got remarried during this time, so that was nice. Though it is funny to hear him and step-mom be so critical of the sinfulness of the LGBT crowd when, you know, the Bible also does not approve of divorce (nor remarrying). I, on the other hand, realize that my thoughts have strayed sexually before, so I have no room to judge (particularly since we are supposed to avoid judging anyway).

After that study program, I studied alone at our family's lake house, which was very good for studying, but pretty bad for social life. It was like the island, but only two hours away from a social life rather than an $800 12-hour journey. I failed that exam in April, but my score had improved quite a bit from previous attempts, enough for me to transfer to another school on the neighbor island. And once I had transferred, I made the move to the one place in the world where I thought that I might have the best chance of a healthy lifestyle while studying. Thus do I now find myself in Siloam Springs, Arkansas. I'm a short walk from a coffee shop, a bar, and karaoke once a month. Easy to make new friends and to catch up with old ones. It is a little colder than Texas, but I must admit that those two years in the Caribbean made me want to avoid summer for as long as possible.

And so it is that I am now 27. My dating app minimum and maximum ages have been moved up by one year, so you know it is real.