Trust...

Even on vacation, you don't always rest. Especially when that vacation is a cruise. I realized this when on Friday night, I passed out after two glasses of wine over the course of a few hours (not much to drink at my tolerance) and was out for a full twelve hours. I realized at that point that it had been something close to a month since my last full night's sleep.

With my new schedule, I spent the weekend watching shows and movies more than I probably should have. But I was still very depressed. But with more sleep, food, and exercise, the depression seems to have lifted.

Before those first exams last semester, before the drop in grades that would end up forcing me to stay on this island for an extra semester, I told God that I'd trust Him even if I failed everything. And then I failed a lot. In the more difficult class, I was able to improve with hard work. In the other class, I was not able to do so. But throughout the stress of that, I tried to keep up with God. And though I kept up with Bible reading and such, I don't think I really kept up with Him. Part of it was the nightcaps that became necessary at the end of the day, that became increasingly stronger every day. But part of it was kinda like what happened in Europe when I asked God to intervene and nothing happened; it felt like He wasn't in the mood for dialogue.

Now, I can always feel God around in my head. It's not a super spiritual thing, more like the strong voice of Good that's always reliable. But it just felt like I was shouting at a wall, my words echoing right back without a hint of a listening ear taking it in.

So just like I did after Europe, I'm trying to build that trust again. With more sleep and less stress, I'm (so far) not in need of nightcaps. I have red wine now, so liquor doesn't have to be my main treat. It can be healthy, especially since the end goal of wine is not always to get drunk; it's just to enjoy some red wine.

I am hoping that I don't fail physiology again. I feel like I know everything they've been teaching in class so far, which makes it that much more terrifying. If I could fail while knowing a lot last semester, how will this semester be any different? I guess it does come down to just trusting in God...