So. So. So.

I'm tired. Like, I'm well-rested, but I am tired. I suspect that I failed my Biochemistry finals, and if I failed badly enough, then I failed the class. I resigned myself to that about halfway through the shelf exam.

I've been crushed by this semester. Driven by the real fear of failure is awful. The joy of learning is replaced by just trying to stay afloat, knowing that learning more does not correlate with your test scores...

We have professors who are awful at teaching. It teaches us to learn on our own, which is good, but then those same professors write the exams, so, you know, what's the use?

Having backpacked through Europe last summer, I've been disillusioned. I no longer dream of travel, not the way I once did. I know now that it offers no escape; you're just as poor and alone in the most beautiful of places as you are in the comfort of your own home. It made me a better person, but that's doing no one any good right now. My biggest battles are against impossible academics and myself. I don't even have the privilege of going out and helping people. I'm stuck here.

Today I visited the professor for a class that truly is a waste of time. The subject matter isn't, but the class is. I visited him because he graded my paper incorrectly. When I confronted him on it and quoted him regarding his grading policy (he promised points back if we corrected our first paper), he denied having said that, treating the idea as something ridiculous. I had gone to his office once before and he had replied similarly, but then making a promise to give less points back... He was just very defensive the whole time, and claimed that our class cares about grades far more than learning. He seems unaware that none of us have patience for him as he blunders through trying to teach a class.

Most of us, as students, could now easily teach any one of the classes that we've had so far. And we could do so better than the current professors. The most any one professor tends to spend teaching here is ten hours per week. The rest, they get to spend preparing. And they obviously don't.

I dunno, I'm fed up. I'd be looking to drop out if there was anything I'd prefer, but for one thing, there's God (who, by the way, has been awfully quiet since things went south). For another, there's the many thousands of dollars that have gone into my education, which will have been kind of a waste. And I love learning, especially what I learn here. It's just so. So. Frustrating. No, not frustrating. I'm past that. I'm just exhausted and ready to die. Don't worry, dear reader, no guns allowed on this island except Moet *kisses right bicep* and Chandon *kisses left bicep*.