Well, the problem with resigning oneself to a hopeless state with regard to eventually finding a long-term romantic partner is that the mind tends to reach to the past for experiences rather than looking to the future. The last few nights have been haunted by unwanted thoughts of these experiences and of trying to imagine a future recreation of the same sort, which is inappropriate, so I have been greatly frustrated.
It is easier to spend those last thoughts at night on dreaming of a future trip that I am planning, but I unfortunately have no such plans in the near future. I read up on that Southeast Asia trip for next year and have already grown somewhat tired of researching that. I plan to take three major exams and receive my doctorate before that trip happens, so it is hardly on the horizon. And the nature of that trip will inherently be sporadic, so there is hardly any dependence on one's research beforehand.
So I need to either plan a trip for earlier (and delve into my SE Asia money) or lie to myself about a crush again, pretending that something could possibly be realistic. Or maybe take up reading fiction again, as that can become a pleasantly occupying thought at night.
Life continues to pass by and I try to scoop up meager little bits with a bare hand.
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