I FaceTimed with her after I wrote whatever I wrote yesterday. She is in the phase of happily being single into which I am always encouraging everyone else to enter, the phase in which it seems I will likely continue to dwell for the near future. It allows for personal growth and development, but the loneliness does hit rather acutely at times. I still have tentative plans to visit her, and she hopes to do the same to me, but I am trying to do better at submitting the whole idea of a relationship to God. God has someone wonderful for her, and it probably is not me as I currently am, and obviously potentially is not me at all.
So the letter I wrote today was a poem about the Bible, and I also typed (because it's way faster) a prayer about us to God. Oh, and a list of nice qualities which she possesses. I typed that too, 'cause it's a long list, and she had expressed doubt about what she brings to the table. I could not tell if that was about dating or saving the world or whatever else, so I listed things from multiple parts of life. And I left out her looks in all of these, 'cause I think she already knows what I think of those.
Not feeling that burning longing quite so heavily after putting pen to paper in this way, and after taking the time to submit it to God more, I already find myself drawn to drink. I genuinely did not want to drink to excess either when I was with her or when I daydreamed about her. She filled that void. I wish that God could fill it, and I suppose that He does sometimes, but there is a reason for the Eves of this world for stupid Adams like myself. Maybe I will find one someday.
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