Valentine's Day

Most single people seem so bitter about Valentine's Day, but it manages to be one of my favorite times of year. Christmas is big on presents of course, but nothing allows and excuses overly gushy gifts like Valentine's Day. Due to my parents' divorce, I have many fears about my ability to be a good husband, but I know that I can be the best on Valentine's Day. Making origami gifts with accompanying poetry is my jam. That and performing are the only two things that I know I am good at doing.

I only made two this year. One was for a good friend who is currently divorcing her husband. The basic rule for these valentines is that they are meant to keep my good pretty lady friends from going through Valentine's Day without being made special to some extent. Since I assumed that she would not be feeling so special in that regard, I of course made one for her. The other I made for another friend who has been a welcome breath of relief for me.

I have written about her here before, and she still seems an oddity. Too many good qualities in a human for her to still be single. She got out of bad relationships fairly recently, and I am about to move away for two years (at least), so it would not make sense for me to ask God about her. The timing just does not work. That being said, I wrote her a poem that expressed these things a week ago, and, in the meantime, found that she feels at least somewhat similar toward me. This is very off-brand for me, to have feelings be mutual. I have playlists and writings and desires set aside for when things become real, with the assumption in the back of my mind that these will never have their place aside from when I want to write sad poetry on my own to embrace the pervading loneliness. Thus far, I feel as if I have only really fallen in love with places. Belfast, Edinburgh, Paris...

Since I am always moving to new places, no person has felt permanent. Cities are safe things in which to fall in love. Also, I do not like the term "fall in love", at least not as casually as a great many people seem to prefer it used. Feelings being so faulty and variable, I just do not see it as an initial thing. First you make sure that the logical side works, and then you throw feelings on top of that.

Anyway, this is a weird Valentine's Day. Even a pseudo-real valentine is a weird thing.