Saturday, December 3, 2016

A Mockery

Confidence is going back and forth. Mostly back. But I think I do better on practice tests when I'm not already convinced that I've failed it. This phenomenon has always affected others, but never me. This is disconcerting. I had a dream the other night in which I took this exam, but the test was just made up of tweets, with each answer choice being another stupid tweet. The whole thing was a joke, a mockery, and the proctors knew it, though we still had to go through with it.

And though I've always felt like my life was a joke, the effect of this election on my family and church and core values seems to make the joke a bit more cruel rather than playful. And when you add in the hopelessness with which I study... Well, it's not easy to keep this chin up.

I never thought I would feel worse than I did on the island, but living at home during the election was at least a close second. Complete dismissal of facts as hopes are placed in a walking definition of a demagogue...

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