It's a rainy Sunday. I skipped church 'cause I stayed up late watching a new show (and because my feelings about the church in general have become very mixed with this election). The girl I kinda distance crush on was there, but I only know through pics posted on social media.
I'm feeling more and more at odds with the world immediately around me. I wish that I agreed more with people here in Texas. And I wish that my convictions weren't so closely tied to my opinions. Or that everyone else would have a faith that wasn't so closely tied to their choices; it makes me feel like my faith and my convictions from my faith are in opposition to one another.
The thing I miss most, ministry, is something that I'm also afraid of becoming involved in again. This is due to a number of reasons, some practical, but a big one is this distrust that has arisen in me.
I don't know what I am anymore. If it wasn't for the community here, I feel that my faith might have a chance to be stronger. But the community that is meant to strengthen my faith actually shakes it. My world was once simpler. I was once simpler. But the temptation to throw babies and bathwater out together has only increased in the last few years, and it just seems trying when I attempt to separate them out.
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