New Beliefs & Their Frustrations

Jet lag has been a doozy on this trip to Ireland. Granted, I only worked in naptime for the first time yesterday. I slept all afternoon and evening, then went to sleep again after going out for a couple hours. Despite all of it, I'm still waking up at 7 AM, which is highly unusual for me. However, if I could get my body to do this while studying in the States, it would make things much easier. Unfortunately, I am forced to work with my beautifully lazy body.

Now I sit in a lovely tea room loft a stone's throw from Christchurch in Dublin, Ireland (well, within eyesight; my arm is not very adept at stone throwing). I've neglected journaling. As with most trips, it was easy to get caught up in tourism, seeing, and walking. And unlike most of my memories of Ireland, it has been sunny or cloudy, but hardly raining.

I didn't think that this would happen, but I really do feel an aversion to the church based on this election. Though I know it shouldn't, it makes me wary of foundational teachings I grew up with. This stems from the issue of many passages of scripture already having a selected interpretation, when in fact, the reality is that there are many possible interpretations of a given account, and the traditional view could very well be associated with a specific cultural norm that is no longer relevant. All the while, I see others of my age group being similarly turned off from Christianity for the same reasons that I am, but unlike me, they lack the years of relationship with Christ that tends to lend support in such a time of uncertainty.

While all of this confusion within the faith is transpiring, I find myself working harder to dispel misconceptions about the teachings of Christ than with actually sharing the gospel of His saving grace. Instead of saying that Jesus loved all, even (and especially) those against whom most had strong prejudice, I spend time telling people that the racism and bigotry in the Church wasn't at all the message of Jesus. Instead of teaching a positive, I'm denying a negative. And through the overcorrection that often becomes inherently involved, I side with religions and beliefs that aren't my own and speak out against that to which I belong. And somehow, this is what most strongly matches with my convictions.

This has a poor effect upon my thought life. And other parts of life as well, I suppose. I overcorrect in other areas and neglect the good habits that my mind associates with the Church, such as going to church.

The refugee situation is a particularly important demonstration of just how far off the Church seems to me. Twenty million refugees, and ten million of those are children. What is the response of the Church? Bomb their country and make it even more difficult for them to get into ours. The fear of terrorism somehow manages to overshadow some of the clearest teachings of scripture, and not just the scriptures of Christianity either. Helping widows and orphans, helping strangers and foreigners in their time of need, because we too were once strangers in a foreign land.

I don't like that this is where things are, and I don't like the way I react to it either. I don't like that my current, much more informed beliefs often seem at odds with what I once believed, with those of the conservative world.

Yet here we are.