Senior Reflections (Part 2)

Finals are thoroughly over. Family came and left, dropping behind a pretty penny for me to potentially visit Europe with next year. Yesterday, I began taking diagnostic tests to assess my current abilities for the MCAT, and began relearning chemistry today, though many fundamental concepts are being learned for the first time.

So naturally, what is really on my mind comes from my study breaks. These subjects ranged from potential karaoke songs, times and places to travel during the year, and songs that bring back memories of mission trips. The latter in particular has been hitting me. I listened to Phil Wickham (his self-titled album and Cannons) for the first time while on my first mission trip to Kenya, which is when I began to define why I want to do what I want to do beyond the simple desire to obey God.

One song in particular, my "missionary song", is "Mystery." It essentially lays out an approach to God that puts you right where you need to be.
"Here in the quiet, speak to me now. My ears are open to your gentle sweet whispering. Break down the doors; come inside. Shine down your bright light. I need a lamp for my feet. Yeah, I need a lamp for my feet."
And the chorus "'Cause I wanna hear the thunder of all you are, to be captured inside the wonder of all you are. I wanna live, and I wanna breathe, to search out your heart and all of your mystery."
And a little later "Your glory burns in the stars. Shine down your light, let it burn in my heart. Bring me to glory; bring me to You. Lord, it's your heart that I will hold onto."

I've been struggling with finding where my standards are at. I know that in the company of a very few trusted friends, I can usually find them again, but left on my own, just doing school, I feel separated from it all and I lose sight of it. What's worse, I hold onto that separation, because with the standards out of sight, I no longer feel accountable to those standards, and can focus on the immediate without regard to how anything beyond myself will be affected. This is foolish reasoning and forces one into becoming simple-minded, which, according to Proverbs, sucks balls.

The point is simply that this song, which I hadn't listened to for a long while, hit me hard. Not because it's particularly convicting (listen to "Where Is The Difference" by Matt Papa for that), but rather because it puts me back where it begins for any believer. Asking God to speak to you and being open to it. Letting Him come in and work on you, allowing Him to improve you and show you where your standards truly are. Because your standards never lower below the point of holiness in Christ; you simply forget where they are.

And the chorus and bridge talk about the after-effects of all of it. You get to know God? So what? Well, it's not just about becoming a better person. To some extent, you can do that without Christ. However, hearing and breathing and being captured within the wonder that is Jesus and the mystery that He is, that can only be done by seeking out His heart. And as you glorify Him, He glorifies you, and your experience of tasting and seeing His goodness exceeds whatever He has previously given to you.