Missing Two Things

This semester, I'm the most disciplined thing. I work out, eat pretty well, and work hard in my studies. I'm doing better than I've yet done in my college career (so far, at least), and I'm taking only classes I want to take. But I'm beginning to despise it.

Despite my love for what I'm doing, and despite the relief of being able to study wonderful things, I've cut out two important things: social life and creative pastime. I still hang out with friends sometimes, but I don't have much of a close friend group anymore. This is largely because for one thing, my close friend group from last year is studying abroad in Paris this semester. For another, I live off-campus, and that keeps me away from the basic social things like eating at the caf for lunch and dinner.

As for the creative pastimes, I don't practice guitar like I should, nor do I spend hours studying dance moves on YouTube. I'm not marking in my calendar and counting down until Mock Rock, or the Talent Show. Even my dreams of traveling in the summer have a degree of fakeness to them, since I know that I will probably have to get a job rather than spend six weeks in Normandy learning to speak French better.

Without those creative pastimes, I crash. I need them to have balance in my life. Without those, I'm becoming like a robot, being "productive", as other students call it. I hate that word when it's not in reference to a factory. I'm not just here to churn out homework and papers and tests. I'm here to learn! I'm here to become better in all areas of life! If I'm not doing that, I'm wasting my time.