August 23, 2011

(The Day Before Junior Year Of My Pre-Medical Undergraduate Education Begins)

I lost two years of written blogs. Two years. And I blogged a lot because I was incredibly frustrated for every waking moment of those two years. This, of course, is because those two years were preoccupied by college transition. It’s an awful thing, transition, yet an essential and magnificent thing. Only through such a thing could I come to look forward to leaving the land I once adored and the friends I once thought so highly of and the spiritual mindset which used to define my actions. Now, I feel spiritually undisciplined and weak at “home”, though I’m still the most stable one of my family/friends.

But at school, a whole other part of me comes out. It’s like how I am on missions trips, except without having to worry about being perceived in a manner that benefits Christians. I can just be me, and a me I have yet to understand, but a me whose reflexes are to walk with odd muscle movements and a strange focus as I walk through the cafeteria or go to public places with friends. I’m loud and unpredictable and fun. And eager to work hard and learn.

See, I see this blog disappearance as an opportunity. I had pages and pages of frustration in that recent past, clear as daylight. But now, it’s all gone. It’s simply vanished. It’s time for a new beginning. I have the opportunity to throw all of it to the wayside and excel. I will learn Organic Chemistry and Physics, and I won’t do it because I see how it will help me in the future, nor because I need them to fulfill a prophesy made by a man eleven years ago this September. I’m doing it and all the other things my adviser will recommend to me because God has called me to be this thing called “doctor” and I will not be torn down by my past, nor will I be encouraged by it either. It’s God’s past that I will look to. What He has done in my life and in my world. Who else would keep speaking to me in the midst of my transition and tell me something as simple as “Don’t worry, I’ve done this before”? Abraham pulled it off! All he did was believe. And if all I have to do is believe in the impossible, then that’s exactly what’s going to happen. And the impossible will happen.

Even though I stare into the face of those who, time and time again, ask me “Are you sure that God has called you to this?” and I give the same tired answer as before, my strength is renewed, because God hasn’t called me to back down or grow weary. Jesus died so that I could live in His fullness, so I will carry this cross, though I’m ill-equipped to do so.

I’m a new creation. Tomorrow is a new day. There is hope in Jesus Christ. And this hope does not disappoint, “because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.” (Romans 5:5)