Seeking Motivational Inspiration

As I became further frustrated with the occupations of my mind, I decided to try to make myself have a crush on that model friend of mine again. It did rid me of the preoccupancy of thoughts of that disliked one, at least for now, but I still struggle with what to fill my mind with at night. This provides me with an inclination to drink, but that is an unhealthy habit to maintain chronically, so I am obviously looking for alternatives.

Dreaming of travel was once a viable alternative thought process, but I am unfortunately unsure of whether I can reliably plan for travel within the next year. You can fall in love with places without worrying about consequences on either side, emotional or otherwise.

I foolishly scheduled what are likely to be my most difficult exams for the next two Sundays in a row. The train of thought was that it would be a relief to be finished with exams for awhile, especially since I am approaching my last two rotations. Unfortunately, I overestimated my motivation levels leading up to these test dates. My practice scores are notably below passing and I have not finished reviewing said practice tests quickly enough to feel like I am progressing at a realistic pace. So here I sit at Starbucks, realizing that the added busy sounds of the coffee shop do as little for my ability to focus as the thought echo-provoking silence that awaits me at my apartment.

The missionary leaders with whom I have worked in the past are doing a trip to Kenya next year. They would potentially want to use my "new skills" to incorporate a medical aspect to the trip. I will of course have to inform them that I am still very much a student, but could certainly assist a physician if one decided to join us. In any case, that sort of trip, similar to the one that first put faces and places to this calling of mine, would probably help me in stirring up inspiration within me. But money is very much an issue. If all goes as planned, I do not expect to have time to raise funds. In fact, I am unsure as to how I will manage to pay for school, and residency applications, and all of the other expenses that are headed my way within the next year. So maybe it just has to be up to God, which is probably what it actually is anyway.