2016 Year End Reflections Pt 3

My mom getting divorced, my dad getting remarried, and my sister's boyfriend taking his own life, they all hit close to home. Not emotionally, really, but geographically, and so they occupied my world.

At the same time, the election happened. Suddenly, all of my years of education and attempts at understanding cultures to which I did not belong were working against me. After all, this was not a win for intellectuals. Thinkers lost. That knowledge combined with the uphill battle of trying to study at home made me despondent, resigned. Education was only working against me in this world of deliberate ignorance and prejudice.

So I became resigned to the world and myself. And that is more or less where I continue to find myself. This is, of course, an issue now, because I began a study program yesterday that is meant to kick start me back to being a good student. But the drive to work hard and study is simply not present, and it feels as though any reserves I might try to drudge up now were already spent. And never recovered.

I hope that I can study well. And I hope that I can socialize on my one day off per week. But this world continues to be cruel and I do not feel up to the challenge.