Why Am I A Christian?

The power went out during every break between classes this past week. It was so draining to have to sit at school for hours rather than just take a nap in my room. Consequently, I'm already behind in studying.

I watch sermons from Pastor Judah Smith every week. His latest series has been on the downside of being a Christian, what it really means to follow Jesus. Stuff like giving up racism and prejudice (as with the contrast of Jesus' behavior verses that of his disciples when it came to the Samaritan woman at the well) and today's, which was about how home becomes redefined when you follow Christ. And that, of course, hits home with me. Me following Christ has meant that I live on an island with those whose beliefs disagree with my own by a large margin, and I spend most of my time wishing to be back in America. I don't really feel at home anywhere, but I feel snatches of it when I'm in Texas, in Arkansas, and in my own little room here.

Every time I've been asked why I believe what I believe, it's always difficult. I always feel like I answer wrong. I grew up with it, but that's not why. I like it, but that's not why. I love the history and culture of it, but that's not why. I think it's just that when I've been on the mission field, when I get to be selfless for a change, and when I suddenly find myself equipped only with what I have on me or in me at a a particular moment, that is when I find myself. I find a greater sense of purpose and accountability than I possess at any other time. Furthermore, even the most objective observer must affirm that what is accomplished in such exploits is a pure and faultless good. Because, rather brilliantly, we are finally able to look past ourselves and see what we can do for other people and actually do it.

Of course, I'm never that articulate in my responses.

After doing pretty well on my first exams, I am very much hoping that the next ones will have similarly favorable outcomes. I just want to escape this island. To study and have a social life... To be able to say "no" to peoples' requests to hang out, rather than never having any requests to respond to at all.